needing support with partners disocciative itentity disorder

[intentional_joy]

This is my first post and I feel very fearful. I have PTSD and associated anxiety. I have worked really hard to heal and have done really well. However some events recently have triggered my anxiety and panic attacks and I am needing some support and any helpful advice you may have to offer, and really I need to just be able to say that sometimes things are hard. My partner of 11 years has disocciative identity disorder. He has 3 personalities that we know of. I love this man and believe he or at least his main host personality loves me and yet at times it is so very challenging and sometimes I feel so alone. Until recently he didn't like me to have support for living with this or talk to anyone about it. Whenever I tried to tell him that I needed help or someone to talk to because I was finding it difficult to cope with some things he would minimize my challenges and tell me it was him that had the challenges it should be easy for me.I squashed it all down inside and just tried to keep smiling and keep going. It is difficult sometimes because one of his alters may be angry with me. may tell me things, do things and my mans host character may not be aware and then thinks Im crazy if I tell him things that were said. sometimes it plays with my mind and the anxiety has been horrible when I feel like Im walking on egg shells in case I say something wrong. Recently he has gone through a lot of personal growth and change and realises it is important for me to have support and has told me he has sought support. This is something he had not disclosed to me previously. He suggested I may find support on here. Im afraid and anxious and sceptical but also hopeful because I need support. In the last several weeks he has come to me to tell me that his protector alta has grown and gone through changes and wants a girlfriend of his own. This has devastated me and triggered my anxiety big time and I have also had panic attacks. I feel lost and alone and so need some advice and support. Can anyone help

[intentional_joy]

long day today . Im tired and have to work again in the morning so my answers will be brief. also a down day today, so not a lot of enthusiasm. He has agreed to see a counsellor preferably a psychologist with me but will only go to one who is expert in DID. I think that is good but didn't know how to find one. My PTSD and anxiety is from childhood abuse followed by emotional and physical abuse I received from a husband I married in my late teens lol to escape the abuse at home. Lets say I am a lot wiser now but am in a challenging relationship. Today I have done a lot of soul searching and feel alone and sad

[intentional_joy]

I would like a holiday a proper one. I took m first real holiday for a few years a couple of weeks ago. I went away for 10 days camping. Unfortunately My partner went into an emotional crisis and didn't seem to handle me being away and came to see me and that is when he told me about his alter wanting a girlfriend so Unfortunately my time away was hugely stressful and I spent a lot of it anxious and crying and even found myself curled up in a ball trying to shut the world out and the thoughts I had about not wanting to be here frightened me.

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[geoff]

dear Intentional Joy, being in your position is becoming one where you can't go away, because he not so much changes personality, but a demanding one, and even when you are home it's the same.

Just wondering how your son feels about all of this, in regard to you as well as your partner. L Geoff. x

[intentional_joy]

my son loves my partner. He has always been very good to my son and very protective of him. They have a good relationship and all the alters love my son. I wouldn't ever be with anyone who did not love cherish and care for my son. He treats my son like his own sons. It is different for my son. For this I am extremely grateful. He has enabled me to be able to give my son things and opportunities as a single mum I would not be able to. He has noted though that things have been tough for mum and I do not like that. Going away doesn't happen very often due to money and time constraints so is not often an issue but I would like a holiday. Me being away for the day is also ok. Funny he goes away a lot for work and that doesn't seem to bother him . its when I go away.Im having a girls day out next week which will be nice and he has encouraged that. We went out for a lovely dinner tonight which was really nice and had a good long talk and it was lovely. I think what I crave is some companionship with a friend I can truly trust which is just some tme out and focused on fun and light heartedness and then life would be easier. thanks for your concern and help