Needing advice and tips on how to help my partner understand mental health

[Lily_28_]

I have a loving partner. I am so fortunate to have him in my life. We have been together 9 years January 1st.
I have suffered depression and anxiety on and off throughout our entire relationship (started before we met). I am currently seeking mental health assistance from psychologist/psychiatrist as well as my GP.
I am on the positive side of the wall, I am finally feeling achievement within myself- building myself and being able to actually breathe. (woohoo!)

I guess the struggle is...

My partner does not, and has never understood mental health. He has tried over the years, but he just cannot get his around it, and feels why cannot I just be 'fixed' / choose to be happy?

He has been brought up in an environment where he has never experienced or had friends etc who have experienced hardship in this way. So he is unaware of it. I cannot say that is his fault- he has just been fortunate to be in that situation.

I guess my main question is, how do you help the ones around you understand mental health?
How do you support them with learning and dealing/coping with it?

How do you educate them that the notion of being unhappy with mental health is not their fault?

For those of you out there- I want more than anything to become a mother, and my partner is terrified I will get post natal depression. How do you support him with the notion that just because I have mental health/ generalised anxiety disorder, it does not give me an automatic sentence of post natal depression. How do I educate him with the facts and knowing that at least I will be able to identify if I am going into a down spiral?
He turned to me and said he didnt know if he would want me to be the mother of his kids anymore (even though how much we want them together) as he is worried about working full time at his career, taking care of me and the baby(ies) .
Can anyone provide me with any insights or experience or knowledge on this for me to explore?

I would be ever so grateful. x.

Is there anyone with knowledge/experience you could please pass onto me as I would love any assistance please 🙂

[geoff]

Hello Lily, and a warm welcome with a very good thread.

There is a booklet produced by BB that explains all types of depression, what to do and very good, I hope BB can provide this, I can't remember.

If your partner is worried about you getting PND then he does have a little knowledge on MI, except to know how to help you and expects that he won't become a victim, but any type of depression does not distinguish between the rich or poor, or those who have had luck throughout their life, it will swallow anyone in its path, no questions asked.

If he is able to read this booklet it will give him an inside to how you are trying to cope, no one ever puts their hand up to struggle with this illness.

I want to get back to you because it's a good discussion.

Take care.

Geoff.

[therising]

Hi Lily_28*

I'm so happy to hear you're making progress and you're on the rise to coming to know your self better.

I'm a mind/body/spirit gal, so my approach to my challenges is often considered from all angles. In your case, in your partner coming to understand depression and anxiety better, you might consider 'the magical triad'

• MIND: My thoughts are powerful. My imagination's powerful. My beliefs, powerful. If you fully believe in a certain mental program, let's say 'I imagine myself never getting any better' then this is easy to imagine. You can imagine/visualise in your mind feeling like you have felt in the past. You can imagine never finding a med or strategy that works. The list goes on in the sometimes torturous vision we have of the future. Personally, I imagined a lot of that kind of stuff when I was in my own depression. It works the other way too, how we come to imagine something making a difference. If we can easily imagine it making some difference, suddenly, we can feel hope
• BODY: Our mind/thoughts can trigger our chemistry. The chemistry required for happiness, love (oxytocin related), excitement, motivation can be in short supply within depression. Enter the chemistry of an antidepressant to help balance things. Some natural therapies hold the potential to do the same, in some cases: Talk therapy (psyche), breathing therapy, nature therapy, adventure therapy (adding new ventures to an old life that is not working) etc.
• SPIRIT: Let's call this 'natural self'. A little more romantic than chemistry. It's natural to feel brought down, just as it is natural to feel raised by people or events in our life. If you're sensitive enough to feel your thoughts and your connection to other aspects of life, coming to understand and manage your feelings is key. If I said 'I want you to feel something that brings you down', what would you choose to imagine? If I said 'What do you feel would raise you, raise your spirits?' what would you imagine? Based on these 2 things, how does your body feel them? Our body is an incredible thing

If you're this sensitive, you may need to manage staying out of post natal depression. If you feel like a failure as a mum, you can feel this sense. If you feel like you resent your baby for the serious lack of sleep and exhaustion, you can feel this resentment. Personally, I experienced PND within depression. If I knew then what I know now, I would have managed differently.

I have faith in you, being able to manage 🙂

[Sophie_M]

Hi Lily,

As Geoff says, we do have a range of resources that you might find helpful.

This page gives and overview of different types of depression: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/depression/types-of-depression

We also have several publications you can order or download here: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/order-printed-information-resources

We hope these are helpful to you and encourage you to keep reaching out here to let us know how you're getting on whenever you feel up to it.

[Lily_28_]

Hi Geoff,

Thank you for your reply.

Do you have any other words of advice? 🙂

I guess I'm just trying my best to help him. He really struggles with it, and I want him to not be afraid of worry about our lives together as it does put a strain on things.

Thank you for taking the time to speak to me, I really appreciate it.

[Lily_28_]

Hi Therising!

Thank you so much for taking the time to speak with me, it is greatly appreciated.

May I just confirm with what you are saying- I am not pregnant nor have had a child as of yet (I want it more than anything with my partner) but from research and talking with my specialists/gps/people I know it shows how you respond better with PND as you are aware of the symptoms of depression and are able to recognize them and seek treatment earlier etc.

Did you suffer it yourself?

[Lily_28_]

Hi Sophie!

Thank you so much for your reply. Do you have any direct information on support for the loved ones of those with anxiety etc?

I want to help my partner in any way I can and for him to know that this is something I am working on to be the best mother I want to be as its something I want more than anything.

[Sophie_M]

Hey Lily,

You may be interested in our page on "Supporting Someone with Anxiety or Depression":
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/supporting-someone/supporting-someone-with-depression-or-anx...

We also hope that both you and your partner always feel welcome to call our Support Service directly for some extra support and advice to help you through this. The kind and understanding counsellors are available 24/7 on 1300 22 4636, or you can also reach out through webchat (available 1pm-midnight) at: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/get-immediate-support
 

[Lily_28_]

Hi Sophie,

is there any information you can recommend in regards to the connection between anxiety / depression and post natal depression?

I really want to help my partner through his worries, as it also impacts on our relationship and want to do whatever I can to help the situation.

[Lily_28_]

I guess I just want to know, has anyone got experience in this area? Can anyone help me?