Hello Jeremy, this post is from quite a while ago so I don't know if you're still reading. This is a very tricky situation indeed, and unfortunately I am not too familiar with fostering situations so hopefully someone else is. I guess my only thought is to try and come back to why you and your wife decided to 'adopt' these two youngsters in the first place. It sounds like you knew it would be a challenge at the time. This probably will add to the guilt you are feeling, but I think a lot of parents would love to be able to have the option of handing back their children when times got really tough. I know a lot of foster children cycle through home after home and part of what makes their behaviour so difficult at times is because they are so used to being abandoned and given up on that they think it won't matter how good they are, that it won't matter.
You are right I think in that you have to protect the wellbeing of you and your family, but by bringing these children into your lives you made them part of your family and I would see if there is some way you can access some sort of family support or youth mental health services to keep things together before giving up. But that's easy for me to say because I'm not living with the problem.
Is there are a third alternative, eg. they can live with other foster parents rather than going back to their original parents? Child services should be able to make the call as to whether those parents are fit enough to be looking after them. If things are really getting to breaking point then perhaps it is time to call in some extra help.
