Need help .. getting frustrated ;-;

John11 · ‎06-09-2014

Hi,

Here's the thing .. I've met this girl online few month ago .. We started dating few weeks after we met .. It was great had soo much fun everyday although we don't Skype much but we still do sometimes anyways lately it hasn't been the case she's gets super sad a lot nothing I say or do would actually make her better and then she told me that she was diagnosed with depression when she was 13 (17 now) it's weird for me although I have a few friends that suffered from depression but I never was that close to them when they did and the thing is its starting to effect me she gets really weird and kinda meanie when she's sad and I honestly don't know what to do she lives thousands of miles away and I tried to convince her to go to therapy or actually take meds she completely refuses it .. I love her I truly do but I feel bad about myself cause I can't help her and I want to see her happy again like she was ;-; I'm always with her by texting like always and I don't even know if that's the right thing to do or should I leave her alone sometimes.. and I always remind her that I love her and that I'm here for her and that it's gonna get better but it's like she doesn't believe any of it .. anyways I'm sorry the post is probably really distorted since my thoughts are distorted and I hope someone can help me with this 😞

John11 · ‎10-09-2014

Guys thanks again for your help I can not express how much I'm grateful, the situation is not getting worse in my point of view its just getting more confusing .. there's no way I'm convincing her to get any help cause she simply think she can do it her own and I still have no clue about like anything I just feel lost in how depression is a weird concept ;-; like I have friends who were depressed but I never saw it like that never thought of it like that .. and Ana gets worse at night which is a little weird too and I thought many times of just leaving her ;-; but like I'm not that kind of a guy that would leave her cause she's sick but I still say like think why is she acting like that .-. .. my depressed friend which was pretty bad at a time told me that it's not okay what my gf doing like even when she's depressed she could fake a few things to not make the other person feel like .. well how I'm I feeling right now ;-; .. is it wrong of me to think that way and is it okay if I let her handle it herself cause I can't get her to get any help any where .-. .. Thanks again

geoff · ‎10-09-2014

dear John, an interesting question, but it boils down to the fact that if she won't decide to get help or accept what you are saying then you can't possibly help her.

She has to view your points so that she knows you are trying to help her, then you there is still a chance of getting her to therapy, otherwise your beating a ******* horse so to speak, and I have blanked out the necessary word, because it wouldn't pass the moderators.

She may however accept somebody else's point of view, and if this does happen it then knocks you for 'a six', sorry.

You have tried all you can, so there's not much else you can do. Geoff.

Doolhof · ‎10-09-2014

Hi John,

I like how you wrote that depression is a weird concept. Ha. Ha. I agree. From my perspective of having suffered from depression since I was about 12, I too agree it is a really weird concept! Just like cancer, diabetes, kidney stones, why do these inflictions hit some and not others! I have no answer to that.

Regarding your girlfriend, maybe her depression gets worse at night because she might feel more lonely then. She may also have something more than just depression, maybe some other mental health concern. A bit like dementia, there can be many aspects to it.

Why she is obviously being so cruel and hurtful when she is feeling depressed, is more to do with the illness than anything relating to you John. Some people tend to lash out at those closest to them, not realising the hurt and pain they are causing that person.

From what you have written, it seems like you may have come to a point where you are ready to let your girlfriend go, and that would be more than understandable, as you have tried to help and assist her and she seems unwilling to accept she needs the help.

If you feel like you can not abandon her altogether, you could keep in touch with her as a concerned friend, but end the romantic side of the relationship. This may sound a little harsh and I don't mean it to be, but sometimes in life we have to let go of relationships that are not at all healthy. It is great if problems and differences can be sorted out, but in this case it does not sound like Ana is ready yet to get the help she needs.

It is great you have been able to discuss this matter with your friend who had depression. He may be able to help you understand the illness better. Like I wrote before, it really is not an illness that is easy to understand!

Keep us posted as we are concerned about you and your welfare. Cheers for now,

From Dools.

John11 · ‎11-09-2014

Hello again 🙂

I was set to do it I was gonna end the relationship today after she really got me mad last night by being an a-hole but I just couldn't do it :S and to then she told me that she does not mean to and that's how she get when she feels depressed and she apologised which made me feel a bit better and forgiving but still my depressed friend (it's a she btw XD) told me that my gf should have even a bit of control over what she says and she's maybe using the depression as an excuse to be like that .. everyday I just get more confused and I honestly found that worrieng too much and trying to make her better all the time is not doing anything for her or me so I'm cutting down on both while still being there for her ;-; .. like the other thing is she knows what gets me mad like that yet she still do it . anyways thanks again 🙂

Sea-n-sky · ‎11-09-2014

Hi john,

Hmm, I see.

Well you've written it all down, now I suggest you've just got to go back and actually read what you wrote.

It should then be obvious what the solution is.

If not then maybe you should see a psychiatrist, psychologist or some other councillor.

However, it seems to me you are getting there, slowly but surely.

There's a lot of good advise which has been given by those seemingly "in the know" about such matters.

I'm a bit too old to remember, and in any case there was no internet when I was your age - no TV either, - except for the very wealthy. (Black and White only, and very very snowy).

Cheers,

Sea-n-sky.

Doolhof · ‎11-09-2014

Hi John,

Seems to me you need to ask yourself how long you want this kind of a relationship to last, and how much suffering are you prepared to do for Ana?

It might be a good idea to not contact Ana for a week and see what happens then. Ana might then realise she can't continue to treat people the way she is treating you and expect you to continue to support her and care for it. It might be a hard lesson for her, but out of that she might realise she needs help.

You will have an opportunity then to consider if you really want to continue on in the same way or if you have had enough. Go out with other friends, be happy for a while and see how you feel. Talk to a councillor or other help as Sea-n-sky recommended, get some professional opinions to help you decide where you want to go in the future.

All the best to you! From Dools