My mother is distancing herself and I need help.

[Lilly717]

Hello,

This is my first time on one of these, and I'm not entirely sure what to say. I need help in getting my mum back. I am 26 years old with 2 other sisters and we have always been an extremely close family. Especially with my mother. Our parents split when I was only 8 years old and since then it was always the 4 of us. Our mum was/is our hero, and a woman who we have always admired for her strength and the life she always managed to supply for us. 

My mum always has suffered depression, for as long as I can remember. However the past few years she has gotten severely worse and we are all struggling with what to do for her. She goes weeks without even contacting us, and stays home all day long with no-one to talk too. My eldest sister lives in America, and my youngest sister and I don't live with her. She never comes to family events, and has totally isolated herself from the world.

I recently tried to speak with her about her situation and she told me to not speak to her anymore as she is suffering from depression and there is nothing I can do to help and that I don't understand. My own mother, the same woman who brought us up as a close knit little foursome, so easily just told me to not talk to her anymore. It breaks my heart at how much she has disappeared and I just want to know if there is anything we can do for her.  

[Narniakid]

Hi there Lilly717!

I am sorry to hear about the tough situation. It is never easy watching someone you love hurt so much.

Is your mother on any antidepressants? Is she seeing a psychologist regularly? It sounds she's really struggling, and so I cannot stress enough how important it is to get some professional treatment. If she is on medication, perhaps it is lacking effectiveness and you'll need to get her to visit your local GP.

Is she working at all? Perhaps she may be under a lot of stress, or if she's unemployed, she may be feeling a sense of uselessness. My boyfriend suffers will depression also, and he is unemployed, and he really struggles with the feeling of not contributing anything to society, or being able to support the household.

Try seeing if she is willing to organise a particular day or evening every week where you can all have a family meal together, perhaps try a new restaurant each week, or take turns cooking at each others' homes. I'd also strongly advise she join a club or pursue a hobby - she needs to get out of the house, and doing something she loves is an excellent excuse. Craft clubs, pottery or art classes, or even volunteering for your local community radio station. There's tons of options - try to convince her to give one a go.

At the end of the day, you sound like you're doing all you can to be a supportive daughter, and I'm afraid the only person who can change her life is her. All you can do is be her support network. 

Have a look at the resources for carers of depression sufferers here on the BB website, and if you're still stuck, call the hotline.

Good luck and well done for all you've done so far!

Crystal

[Pixie15]

Hello Lilly,

Welcome to the bb forums. You do not say how old your mother is. If she is old enough you might consider contacting the Aged Care Assessment Team to see what help she can get. 

thanks,

Pixie.