Abusive mother, not coping with depression.

Cast93 · ‎05-06-2015

My mum has been a single mother for about 10 years, for about the last 5 years she has become more and more abusive. I moved out of home from 16 and my sister 2 years later moved out at the same age, now my brother is threatening leaving for the same reason. She is physically abusive and emotionally toxic; i would like to know how do i go referring her to mental health services, it's that or i consult with police but that would ruin her career. She is suffering from grief as my father died last year and i fear it has exacerbated her existing anxiety disorder, she has loosely been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder meaning she has no insight into her mental health. My mum won't take anything i say seriously as she takes it that its a personal attack and that it's out of my place to speak to her about how she parents. My mum has no known friends and her family all live out of country. I can't afford to support my brother should he leave school, i'm a student who works part time.

pipsy · ‎06-06-2015

Hello Cast93. You have done the right thing moving out. Does she have a G.P you could talk to. People with her PD seldom, if ever admit to it. I doubt the police would get involved unless someone actually physically reports her for assault. I also doubt she would willingly go to a G.P, unless it's to complain that she's 'misunderstood'. Mental Health will only get involved if a psychiatrist is involved. Usually a G.P refers the patient to psychiatrists. Even then, chances are she would not be admitted unless- again she was a danger to herself or others. I think your best bet would be to talk to her G.P and go from there. Staying away, unfortunately is the only thing you can do. If she refuses to get help, there's nothing you can do. Can you or your brother apply for Austudy or does that no longer exist? Have you talked to family services. I am so sorry for you being in such a situation. Is she on meds and is she being monitored. Does she drink?

Try family services. From the point of view of your brother and sister, they can help.

Best wishes.

Doolhof · ‎06-06-2015

Hi Cast93,

Welcome to the community here at Beyond Blue.

It is very difficult when your Mother has a mental health issue but does not want to accept it. My Mum is the same and does not want to acknowledge her problem or the trouble it causes so many people. My Mum is over 70!

I suffer from depression and Borderline personality disorder. I am one ofd the lucky ones as I sought out help.

I would like to suggest that you either telephone the Beyond Blue support team or use their web chat and ask them for advise. Or call Life line and exp-lain the situation.

Pipsy has mentioned some other good options as well. It all depends where you live as to what services are available.

You could always phone police on their non emergency number in your region and ask for their advice. Like Pipsy mentioned, contact your Mum's Dr if she has one, and phone what ever agency is in your area. The more information you gather, the better your Mum and your siblings will be.

Take care, from Mrs. Dools

Sophie_M · ‎23-06-2015

Hi Cast93, welcome to the forums and thanks for posting.

It sounds like there is a lot going on and you are trying to respect what are appropriate and healthy boundaries for you while still trying to look after your family.

As you may already know, we cannot make someone accept help, they need to be engaging with those supports. If she is abusive though, there is the possibility of speaking to Child Welfare Services as they can sometimes speak to her about getting counselling and provide a social worker or other support service to help reconcile some of the issues for your brother who is still living there. You can make this call anonymously if you want and it would not be the same as calling the police. You can also call and ask them about how the situation may be managed if you were to file the report. They can be reached at 1800 177 135 or (07) 3235 9999. Alternately, you can also contact Child Safety Services' Enquiries Unit on 1800 811 810. Child safety service centres have professionally trained child protection staff who are skilled in dealing with information about harm or risk of harm to children.

It may further be helpful to get some support for yourself and your brother and sister if wanted, through Headspace. Headspace offers free counselling from 9am - 1am online or over the phone with the same counsellor each time. They can also discuss a social worker who may be able to help your brother in navigating the situation.

COPMI also has a number of resources for information for Children of Parents with a Mental Illness (COPMI), from adolescence through to adulthood. It may be helpful to have a look through there for things that may be applicable to each of you.

We hope that the online community here provides you with helpful support that also empowers you to continue moving forward. Remember to look after yourself in all of this and stay strong.

Take care and don't hesitate to contact our support service if you would like any information, referrals, or brief support to do with depression and anxiety. They can be reached 24/7 at 1300 224 636 or online via webchat daily from 3pm-midnight.