Lost

[Maac]

hi this is a first for me but I need to talk and thought this would be a good starting point. I have been with my husband 14 years, married 9 years and have 2 kids 8 & 6 my husband has recently told me he is unhappy at work and home I didn't know how to respond so I told him to go and talk to someone and he has so that's a start he feels he has lost his life and doesn't do anything for himself so I told him to go out find stuff to do I wrote a list of all the things he used to do when we were younger and gave it to him to think about

the thing is now I feel like I'm pushing him to Doo stuff and I'm not enough I just want to help him but I cry all day and I feel I'm just making it worse when I love him so much I just want to help he has gone away for work for 3 weeks he can come home on weekends but I told him to stay and do something for himself and not think about us I told him I don't want him not to come home on the weekends but if he needs the time to use it I just want him happy but it's now killing me thinking he might leave me and the kids I don't want him to give up and I have told him I'm not going anywhere but I am dragging myself into a hole I have not told anyone and can't talk to anyone and I'm trying to keep the kids out of it too they know dad is sad but that's all 

I just wanted to get this off my chest keeping it in is hard by myself 

[white knight]

Hi Maac, Welcome

Just an observation and I don't know if its relevant but please re-read your post and take note how many times you "told him" to do something.

Now telling him to stay away on his weekends off is going to make him feel isolated and unwanted. Perhaps you should allow him to make these decisions himself.

Please don't take these suggestions too personally because it at times takes an outsider to see clearer than we can ourselves. He likely needs a supporter to his own decisions rather than someone instructing him.

Google these following articles I wrote

"beyond blue taking to men - some tips"

"beyond blue three things, happy marriage, hobbies and spirit"

Ok, self reflection is something you can do yourself. Now he has to seek help by first attending his GP. This is really important. It might be a mid life crisis, depression, lack of interest in life or home or work issues getting him down.

Be prepared to alter your life- what ever it takes, if nothing works. Take care.

Tony WK

[trustlife]

You need to find out why he's so sad. He's not going to respond to any suggestions until that little mystery is disclosed. A statement like 'unhappy at work AND home" is a big one. You need to find a way to discuss the actual problem. If it's work he needs to start getting his resume together and start look at seek.com for opportunities that compliment his skill sets. If you find your pushing him to do this then the problem is probably not work. So now your making progress. Set time to talk about it without the children around. Pick your favourite restaurant and book a dinner. I would advise beforehand though that you announce something like "I hope we can have a good positive discussion on what's bothering you." Play it down though with "anyway if the worse come to worse at least we can have a decent meal etc" Don't surprise him at the restaurant.

Get him to talk about himself if he had a magic wand. What life would he like? Let him talk but only interrupt him if he starts dwelling back in depression.