Anxious sister, Mum in denial

[CarlyG]

My younger sister has been diagnosed with anxiety and recalls having felt this way for the past 10 years. She is actively seeking treatment and has tried meditation, counselling and medication. I understand these things sometimes get worse before they get better, and treatment is unique for everyone. I am supporting her in every way possible, and am encouraging her to keep trying different medications and counsellors as I'm sure she will find something that works for her eventually. However, our mother (who has suffered bouts of anxiety herself) believes medication can have unwanted side effects, and doctors over-diagnose mental health illnesses. My mum's views are only causing my sister more anxiety, as she now has trouble deciding what, if any, treatments she should try. Lately her anxiety has been the worst it's ever been. Mum's views are causing issues in the whole family as every time her and I talk about it we end up having a huge disagreement, and she has had many disagreements with my sister as well. I just want her to support my sister's decisions, whatever they may be, as all I want to do is see her happy (side-effects, medication - whatever it takes!). But I can't get through to Mum…if anyone has any ideas on how to change her perspective, or someone who could talk to her I would be really grateful to hear it. The whole topic has become a taboo between us but for my sister's sake I need to get through to her. 

[trustlife]

Hi CarlyG

Yeah, that's a tough one and I do sympathise. First and foremost you need to separate the two issues. Priority 1 - your sister. I agree there can be go and bad medication and personally I am a fan of good meditation but let's just take it step by step.

You and your sister need to build up some more strong rapport. From the way you worded your post I don't believe that's too much of a problem Your belief and support for her can often be the catalyst for change. So I'd spend quality time with her (not necessarily chasing cures) but creating an environment where she can grow her trust. When that starts to happen you can both begin to explore remedies. I'd lean towards a good professional councillor or a good calm and relaxing meditator.

Now I know you can't shut out your mother but you need to keep her at bay. The only way she can vent her frustration is unfortunately on you. So try to stay clear of it. When your sister starts to make some decent progress I'd get the 3 of you together and then let your mother see for herself (not with words from you) that your sister is on a positive path.

[geoff]

dear Carly, hello and thanks for giving us the chance to help you.

First and foremost is that your mother might have had a bad experience a long time ago, so this is entrenched in her mind, however antidepressants (AD) have changed so much over these recent years, no longer are we told to take a bex and go and lie down.

I don't even think that a bex is on the market any more, or perhaps they were given an AD that was given to anyone suffering from anxiety or depression, so your mother should be told that there are many different types of AD, however I'm not sure that she will understand this, and it's not worth arguing with her, which means that she should not be involved just yet.

I say 'just yet' because once your sister is feeling better then the communication can then return to normal, and your mother is only told the bare minimum.

Why don't you click onto 'Get Support' at the top of this page and try and find a psychologist near you, or you can email BB just under the search bar.

These people are aligned with BB and specialise in mental health.

You are a great support for your sister who is obviously having a really difficult time, and I know that this will flow onto you, no matter how strong you are, which means that you mustn't forget to get any help that you need, and believing that you can cope with what is going on, is a trap that we don't want you to get into as well. L Geoff. x

[CarlyG]

Thanks for the advice, you have definitely helped to put things in perspective for me. Hopefully my sister will start feeling better soon and my Mum will give her the time and space she needs to discover the right treatment for her…really appreciate your kind words!

[CarlyG]

Thanks for the tips Geoff, I will have a look for some nearby psychologists, and thank you so much for the supportive words.