Lost the love of my life and best friend.

[brokenheartedandlost]

G’day,

Ive looked at beyondblue in the past but never thought I’d have to post something on here. I’m a bit lost and am just trying to find someways to help me get through life at the moment.

I’ve been with my wife for the last 13 years(since I was 21 and she was 19) and married for the 8 of them. We have always been great friends as well as partners and said what made us great was we were a team, getting through everything together.

We have both had a tough time in the last year. My wife especially has been very depressed(undiagnosed)the last 10-12 months. Last year my wife’s family friend killed himself. A week later my best friends sister died randomly in her sleep from an undiagnosed rare heart condition. A month later her pop died. Then 2 days before Xmas my shooting coach passed away. Then her grandma left us a few months back and 2 weeks ago my father in laws best friend died.

She also left her job as a manager of a cafe. To get out of that industry, she is opening her own business tending gardens for people.

she’s always had a drinking problem, her whole family are heavy drinkers and it’s how she’s grown up. Any social occasion, sunny day, knock off from work, holidays, any excuse really, ends up involving alcohol.

When she finished her job she started drinking heavily and locked herself away from me. Emotionally and physically. We haven’t slept in the same bed since March and she hardly talks to me.

She became increasingly angry at me and every time we tried to talk she’d yell and storm off. I struggled with it because I could never ask enough questions to understand why she was so upset and angry. There were a few small issues but don’t have enough space here to discuss everything atm.

a months ago we had a discussion about it all and I felt a lot better about the situation and felt we had bridged a gap and we’re moving forward. She even said when she’s back at work she’ll feel better, drink less and I felt she’d have a clearer mind.

Sleeping in. Drinking all day. Getting a terrible sleep each night from the alcohol. And being by herself has been very destructive for her.

5 days ago we had a chat and she said “I don’t see the point. I’m done.” I asked what she meant and she said were different people and she doesn’t want to be here anymore. she wants to get divorced.

this whole time she’s felt terrible I’ve suggested seeing someone but she’s not willing to do it. i feel her drinking is clouding her mind but she won’t listen to me.

[brokenheartedandlost]

Morning Birdy,

havent been great the last week and a bit but I think it’s just because I’m accepting things. Realising it’s changing and that I know what is going to happen.

i know the answer but I’m just not emotionally ready yet....

I’ve discussed a financial separation with her, she actually brought it up the day we were separated but I said I need some time to process what’s happening.

We have no kids and both of us contributed equally, so it should be fairly easy to work out.

Her family doesn’t seem interested in helping her and still not sure what she is discussing with her friends re: moving forward, so I feel trapped in limbo atm.

Im hoping we can agree on a financial separation, which would mean I’d buy her half of the property, shed get money and move out officially.

Then she can have the space she wants and a full bank account to pay for whatever she wants.

it also means for me I can move on with my life and start to repair myself in my own house, without her around and me having to leave every night to stay at my parents to keep her “happy”.

I just can’t help feeling lost and alone sometimes. I have great friends and family but I feel my life has just jumped the tracks or I’ve hopped on a different train, and what I thought and planned is now heading a different direction.

Still hard for for me to shake the feeling that 13 years together and 8 of marriage is just going to disappear. I was 21 when I met her and so much of me becoming the man I am is wrapped up in her and out life together.

I just feel guilty too I guess because there’s people out there going through what I am but have been married for 20/30/40+ years!

I told my grandma the other day, she was pretty upset but said she hopes I’m ok and sends a big hug. I’m going to go see her in a week or two.

Thanks beyondblue for having this space for me to talk outside my psychologist and friends. Just helps getting it out of me, even if it is just to a computer haha

and thanks birdy for checking up on me. Hope you have a great day

broken