Hi, welcome
I was in the reverse situation. I have 2 children now 33 and 30 but when they were 8 and 5yo I was single and met a lady that had 2 kids 17 and 14yo with a grandchild on the way with the 17yo. As we dated I did notice she wasnt as committed to my childrens happiness as much as I was to hers, thought thats ok "her care will grow". How wrong I was. This lady that I began to live with turned out to only want me and didnt want my children around the every second weekend and school holidays. My daughters were well behaved ... it was more that my partner was jealous and saw them as an irritant. Eventually she became the step mother from hell really, interstate trips never included my kids and the strain of it all contributed towards our separation after 10 years. This was regardless of my fondness of her children and grandkids so I suppose I expected more commitment from her but there was a test she failed once- I had a small accident one Friday night and rang her to ask her to drive the 30 minutes to collect my kids- a flat "no, never" told me everything.
Since then I've come to the conclusion that- step parents ideally should be nurturers of all children, know their place in regard to discipline/boundaries of their step kids and walk the tightrope between being a major positive influence and allowing the parents to remain the childrens main influencers.
In summary a large blended family that includes young children has large complexities that more often than not become problematic unless the two adults are extremely compatible and love children.. actually make children their life. On top of that there is the upheaval of moving from your town.
I hope I've been of some assistance. Reply anytime.
TonyWK
