Lonely & exhausted wife

[Garcia]

My husband of 8 years has suffered from depression and anxiety since he was a child. It is generally under control with medication but he has been going through a difficult period lately. He is now getting by with sleeping tablets and an increased dose of antidepressants but is withdrawn during the day and knocked out at night. He feels uncomfortable talking about his depression and so our family and friends dont know that he is suffering.

We have 2 very young children who wake up throughout the night and need lots of attention, and we both have demanding careers.

Most of the threads I have read seem to focus on offering support to a partner who has depression, and in that regard, this post may come across as being selfish and insensitive. But I want to know how I can manage my own situation. I am exhausted from work and caring for the children and a sick husband. I miss the person he used to be and I am sick and tired of the lack of connection and lack of 'presence'. I am lonely because I miss my husband and because I cant talk to anyone we know about what we are going through. I am desperate for a break but I know that my family will crumble without me to hold it together. 

 Sorry to make it all about me, but I just feel like for once, I deserve it. 

[HA1]

Hi Garcia

Don't apologise for seeking support for yourself.  As I have said so many times before, being a carer of someone with depression is an unenviable task.  It is hard work.  The best way to help your partner is to look after yourself.  Do those things that you would normally do with your friends.

In my relationship, I am the unhealthy one.  My partner has been putting up with a lot of crap for a long time - all because of my illness. While she still struggles to understand my issues, she works hard at being there for me.  But a long time ago, I realised that she must continue to live her own life, doing those things that she need sto do to unwind and enjoy life as it should be lived.  So don't be guilty about taking time out. Go out and enjoy life.  Have you discussed this option with your husband?

I believe my partner also wishes she had the old me back - including the intimacy and presence that we used to enjoy. But that is not about to happen soon.  So we make the best of what we have. 

I am happy to continue the conversation.

Take care

K