I am only new to this. After 35 years of marriage it was our grown kids that finally suggested their father may have borderline personality.
But the stereotypical borderline seems to be a female who threatens suicide frequently and whose life is unravelling
my husband has managed to run a successfulbusiness albeit with lots of ups and downs and dramas and very few staff who have stayed for long periods
he does not self harm unless you count overeating leading to obesity and consequent health problems
he is good at talking to people in most situations but it is in close relationships where he runs into difficulties
he struggles to listen or understand what I or the kids are saying exprapolating any criticism to mean that we are saying he is a bad person and that any good he has done is thereby negated
People are either good or bad with little room for a middle ground
his mood can change with one small thing that happens or something someone says that may not have been meant for harm
and he can be upset for days and hold onto that hurt for months or forever
i feel like I am always trying to prevent things or people from upsetting him but it is an impossible task
while he has never hit me his words feel like they do His blow ups at the kids when they were younger have had long lasting effects which he doesn't really understand saying he was a good father to them
Mostly he left dealing with them to me as his own childhood experience of discipline amounted to physical and mental abuse But every so often he would intervene and the result usually felt out of control
but everything is my fault for not showing him enough love and for siding with the kids on occasion
He likes to use the word always and never a lot when it comes to me thereby negating whatever effort I have made to do what makes him happy
he is jealous if I pay attention or do anything for someone else When they were younger it was the kids Now it is my work or any outside interest or cause I might contribute to
when I got up the courage to tell him about borderline he was at first receptive as it felt like it explained some things he didn't understand about his own behaviour and reactions
But then when his GP who has only seen him a couple of times dismissed the whole idea as improbable he quickly agreed saying every psychologist he had seen said there was nothing wrong with him
Are there higher functioning borderlines? Could he be one of them?
