I'm worried for my friend

Trish2 · ‎15-02-2021

Hi everyone. As of someone who has a friend that has harmed themselves multiple times recently, I'm obviously very worried for them and I want to be the best of help that I can be for them. I don't feel like I know what I'm doing a lot of the time and I've always tried to listen to them whenever they want to talk about something as I know it can be good to have someone to talk to in hard times. They have been diagnosed with a few different things like severe depression and OCD and I just wanted to know if anyone knows the best way to help them get through this. I've visited their place but I can't do that with this snap lockdown unfortunately. Would appreciate the advice hugely. Thank you 🙂

Emmen · ‎15-02-2021

Dear Trish,

This lockdown has put many lives in a turmoil. I'm glad you've reached out to us about this.

Would you be able to reach out to your friend via calls or text messages (depending on your preference)? If your friend needs someone physically there to talk to them, then I think you could still go over to their home for caregiving reasons (especially since your friend has already been diagnosed with severe mental illnesses and relies on you for support). In the case of a real emergency (e.g. if your friend is harming themselves), please call triple 0.

Kindly,
M

Croix · ‎15-02-2021

Dear Trish~

I’d like to join Emmen in welcoming you here. Emmen gives pretty good advice.

As you know self-harm in not a good coping mechanism, apart from anything else it is too dangerous. An accident, needing more and more effect, a moment of despair, all are results I’d not expect your friend would have realized.

One of the things that can really help when a person feels they have no choice but to harm themselves is they can talk to someone who knows the score and just listens. Does not try to fix or do anything other than show understanding and care. The urge may well reduce then.

Toget a person to dial a friend at that moment is a huge step forward.

Talking in person would be great, the best, but the phone is fine, and can make all the difference (also it is more private)

Talking of privacy does your friend have anyone in their life such as family who realizes what is happening and wants to help?

Beyond Blue has information that could be useful

https://resources.beyondblue.org.au/prism/file?token=BL/1302
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/suicide-prevention/feeling-suicidal/self-harm-and-self-injur...

The ultimate aim is to reduce the need to cope at all, and here your friend’s medical team need to do more. If they are told by your friend their treatment is not working and needs review that would be great.

If you friend is not currently under treatment now would be an excellent time to go back and be assessed and have treatment start or re-start.

Now, I’m rather concerned for you. This is a great deal of stress to have to carry, being worried about your friend and needing to help stop things. Is there anyone you can lean on? A family member or friend who will listen, understand and simply care? It makes a big difference.

When I was very ill my partner had her mum, and it got her through.

Please let us know how you go

Croix

geoff · ‎16-02-2021

Hello Trish, a warm welcome to the site and thank you for being brave enough to help your friend because it maybe a very different situation from what you've encountered before.

If I can start with them having OCD which could have been hidden before and you weren't able to know of this illness to its full extent, then I'm sure it must be so confusing for you, which is quite understandable and I've had this illness for many years and know how difficult it is to explain.

This is related to having anxiety o perhaps mental discomfort and with this depression can also be present because obsessions and compulsions are unwelcome thoughts, images or urges, worries or doubts that repeatedly appear in your mind that keeps reoccurring, so it's difficult to tell someone they have to check the lock on the door when in actual fact they've done this many times before, so why check it again, how can we justify doing it again.

Compulsions are repetitive activities that you do to reduce the anxiety caused by the obsession, and for those who don't have it, I found that I couldn't explain why and that's the reason I hide whatever I need to do.

There are many sites to read about OCD, but perhaps this may help you 'how does it feel like to have OCD'.

If you would like to ask any questions please do as this maybe adding to her other issues.

Take care.

Geoff.

Trish2 · ‎01-03-2021

Thank you all so much for the advice. As for now, I feel as though my friend is doing a little better for the time being and hopefully in the situation they're in will be at least safe in case something else does happen. They do have a relative that lives with them and I'm sure they could help in the moment, and knowing that does bring a little peace of mind with their situation. I just hope they can get through this issue in their life eventually.