FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

I'm Tired .......

Daisy007
Community Member

I'm tired......two little words, but for me has so much meaning behind them.

My Husband, of 21 years, slipped and fell while on Holidays, 5 weeks after the birth of our 5th child - and he broke his back (not a terrible fracture) 13 years ago.  He was a workaholic with his own business, and his self esteem came for how successful the busniess was - this injury broke him.  He continued to work (even though I begged him to take time off to heal). In 2004, he had a disc replacement, more surgery in 2008, and in December 2012 he had a fusion, all the time I supported, encouraged, loved, cared for him etc etc etc.  He went of all pain meds and ended up so depressed he wouldn't get out of bed, I'm making a long story short (a lot of pain involved), he had a breakdown and went to a mental health facility in 2013 - he had another breakdown in Nov 2014.

He hurt his shoulder at work in Feb this year and has had two surgeries on itin the last 3 months.

I work full time, do the housework, help my second son run the business, you name it I do it - I am really struggling at the moment, my husband is heading down that dark rabbit hole again...and I don't think I have anything left to help him get out this time.

He has told me it's my fault he had the breakdowns, my fault the kids hate him (of which I know isn't true) I don't really have anyone to talk too, probably my fault because I'm so stubborn.  I know I can't make him better, and I know I can't make him see how much I am struggling - and I don't know if I'm strong enough to set boundaries- I'm just tired..... 

2 Replies 2

persistence
Community Member

Hi 

have u approached outside help?..a nurse,a counsellor,a family member?

you are doing your best and more..none of this is your fault!!

Emy
Community Member

Hi Daisy,

I understand your predicament! The pressure we place on ourselves as mothers, partners and carers to keep things ticking along is ridiculous. It is good that you have identified your limitations and 'tired' is a natural feeling/response under the pressure of your circumstances.

There are three things you can do that may help you:

1) Ask your GP for a referral to a psychologist who can talk through your feelings and offer some suggestions on how to move forward in a way that is good for you. You cannot expect to be helpful to anyone else unless you provide yourself with the love and care you deserve.

2) Get in touch with Carers Australia http://www.carersaustralia.com.au/ and join your state based carer organisation. As a carer this will give you access to respite services and funding for services that enable you to care for yourself.

3) Outsource some of the care for your husband. There are many community based mental health programs set up to support him in recovery such as Partners in Recovery. Your local carer organisation will also be able to provide you with details of other programs available in your circumstances.

Whilst I personally understand how difficult it is, it is important to treat yourself with love and kindness and prioritise your own well-being. 

Good luck and I hope you are able to find some support that works for you through the information I have provided.

Em x