I believe my partner has depression I want to learn more about it

[Jackman]

I have been looking through these forums to relate to my partner. My name is John. I want to find out more how other people cope when their partner is depressed. My partner who 33 goes into these terriable black holes, as I call it. Loses intrest in everything around her except her children. Of course our relationship goes on the back burner (the barriers go up and I can not get near her). I have been her for 3.5 Years now and have seen her get progressivly worse. I love this woman very much and would go to wits end to help her. I am a bit of the old school if your partner is ill you stand by them. I have told her I believe she has depression. Which I beieve she has accepted. when I talked to her about it she says scince she was 7. She felt this blackness and fear.She has had 5 children. She says then only time she is happy is when she has children. As I mentioned before her condition is prgresivly getting worse. I do not believe there was a time in the past 12 months she was happy and she has been very distant from me in this time. I know she still loves me I feel it deep down. I just want to know if other people out there understand what I am saying and can relate. Where do I go from here. How can I help my partner. It hurts to see someone I love so sad all the time. Playing games on her phone to get away from reality. Of course I get a lot of self doupt. Like I am I causing the problem. Geez I am going around the twist. Anyway would be good to get some advice and hear back from people who are in a simnliar situation. Thanks for reading this.

[Narniakid]

Hi Jackman, welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing your story with us.

Your partner is showing a lot of the symptoms of depression, however you cannot blame yourself for her sadness; she's said she's felt this way since she was a little girl, so it may be hereditary, or perhaps a chemical imbalance. Depression can come about for so many different reasons, and you've been a supportive partner to her so far, and I applaud you for that.

What I suggest you do is look at the resources here on BeyondBlue under depression, and take the 1 minute checklist. Also have a read of the information for carers too. The next step I would take is to book an appointment with your GP so she is able to get a professional diagnosis, and can be referred to an appropriate specialist who can help her recover through medication, therapy and lifestyle choices. 

You've made the right decision to come on here and find out more, now it is up to her to educate herself, accept and acknowledge the problem, and take action towards recovery. Your role is to be a supportive partner, and you're doing just that already, well done.

Crystal

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Jackman,

Thanks for reaching out to BB.

Thanks for posting about what is going on with your wife and for wanting to help her.  As someone who has been both on the receiving end (being depressed) and also a partner to someone who is depressed I know how important it is to be on either side.

I think you've made a pretty good start in trying to communicate to her about how you feel and what might be going on for her.  You mentioned that you said she had depression which she accepted.  Did or does she feel like she can talk to anyone about it?  Maybe the next step might be seeing who she feels comfortable talking to; whether it's a GP, Mental Health nurse, counsellor, priest or family/friend.  

The other thing I can suggest is trying to keep communication open; I know this sounds so simple but it's so easy for walls to be built when either person is depressed. When my partner was depressed he built up a lot of walls (unintentionally) trying to block out the world and played a lot of games to escape and it took a while to help knock them down and work with him to find out what he needed and how to talk to him.  For me it helped to say "Did you want some space for a couple of hours?" or "Do you want me to make tea?" or "Do you want a hug?"  Really simple yes/no multiple-choice questions that can help lighten the load and help me understand what helps him.  

It also helped for us to try and get out of the house and do things that we enjoy together.  I'm not sure what it's like for you guys (if you are both working) but simple things like having lunch at a new cafe can be really simple but so enjoyable; especially if your wife is wanting to 'escape' into video games it might help to escape into new (healthy) experiences.

Here's a website which might be useful to you as well : https://www.beyondblue.org.au/resources/family-and-friends/caring-for-someone-with-depression-or-anxiety

Good luck 🙂

[Jackman]

Thank you so much Naniakid and romantic_thri3f for your intrest and replies. Another question I have is my partner has been taking  Patches  For back pain. I have heard from different source that it can have a great negative affect on people with depression. I question wether these be a factor in her progressive downhill slide. This medication is a Opioid and prescribed it is highly addictive and is one of the most powerful painkillers available. Normally given to patients who are terminaly ill. She has been taking the highest does possable. Has anyone had experience with a person that is depressed taking this type of medication?

[Chris_B]

Hi Jackman, we can't discuss specific medications here on the forums, but if your partner is suffering from chronic back pain then it is likely having an impact on her depression.  Have a look through this section on our website for resources:

 Serious health events and chronic illness

[Cancerian]

Hi jackman, my husband has recently shared with me that he has depression and was covering it up for a long time. He has sought help and medication 2 months ago. I naively thought this would make him happy and our relationship would be back to "normal".

this has not been the case. I too feel like I am going crazy. My mind is spinning. He says he loves me but is no longer feels connected. I thought I would give him space but he has retreated to his ipad playing games and chatting to other people - strangers.

I want so badly to help him, make him happy but am only know realising this is way bigger than I could possibly imagine. I googled beyond blue today and am hoping to find information and other peoples stories to understand what is ahead for my husband, my self and for our marriage. 

Yours was the first post I saw and felt, oh, I am not the only one out there trying to find answers. 

I wish you well on this journey. I hope forums like these can give us comfort and support.