How to support partner with depression when he lies

[Angel_love]

Hi everyone

is lying a part of what people seem to do when suffering depression and they seem to have addictions

no matter what support you give they blame you and everyone else

how do we support them

thank you

[geoff]

Hello Angel, I had replied back to you, but it hasn't appeared, I'm sorry.

Depression is obviously a MI, it tells us what we don't want to hear or what to believe in that isn't true, and creates doubts if anyone else is going to understand what we want to tell them, but worry whether or not we are going to burden them.

When addiction is included, people lie to get rid off friends and/or family ‘hassling’ them, the underlying cause is always to keep using or obtain funds, so to answer your question, yes.

You can be supportive but it's up to them to make the decision to stop themselves.

Want to continue talking about this, but let go through.

Geoff.

[White_Rose]

Hello Angel love

I am sorry you have not received a reply from me. I posted yesterday but it appears to be lost in cyber space.

All sorts of behaviours are common for people who have depression. Lying is often a self defence mechanism to avoid explaining feelings or actions. Depression is painful as well as debilitating. To learn more about depression please go to the top of the page to The Facts and navigate from there. Lots of useful information. Fact sheets to download and booklets you can send for free of charge. At least one booklet is for family and friends. Hope you find this useful.

Not sure what sort of addiction you are referring to. People do try to self-medicate with alcohol which does not work very well. Your partner's addiction may be something different so I am not sure how to address your question. Perhaps you can explain.

Geoff has touched on one aspect of addiction/lying which is quite common. We do not like to be questioned so make up stories to fob of people. One of the hardest things to admit is that we are depressed. It's OK to talk to a doctor who will not be fobbed off but friends and family are different. They usually only know what we tell them unless someone makes the effort to find out about depression.

You must remember that depression is different for everyone. The BB fact sheets give general information and is great for this. However, each person is different and deals with the depression differently. I remember being quite ashamed to say I was depressed. It seemed such a failing on my part.

The blame game is also part of the illness. How hard it is to admit we are depressed. It's not a failing or a sign of weakness. It is an illness that affects many people but our society does not understand this. All they want is their family member to be well and feel sure the person can 'snap out of it' if they wanted. 'Snapping out of it' does not work no matter how hard the person tries. Can you get him to see his GP. That's a good start.

Please write in again. I am so sorry my post disappeared.

Mary