How to help a friend, how to make her get the treatment and help she needs?!

[Neilie]

My friend visited me yesterday, and completely broke down and admitted she is suffering from depression and anxiety.  Her Dad passed away a year ago, and I knew she was having a very hard time dealing with his death, but I didn't realise it was this serious.

She admitted that a few weeks after her second child was born and her Dad also had a stroke at that time (around 2 years ago), that she was tested for depression and diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety.  She said she was prescribed medication and briefly spoke to a professional... but after taking the medication for a week or two her husband told her there is no such thing as depression and it is 'all in her head' and he threw out her medication.  She is living a few hours away and is completely isolated from her family and friends.  Her husband works long days 6 or sometimes 7 days a week.  She told me she stays at home all day with two children under 4yrs, and that she rarely leaves the house.  

I am shocked that she has been living this way with this illness for so long without any support from her husband or a professional.  She has been saying for a year now since her dad passed away that she needs to go and talk to someone (psychiatrist/psychologist).... but it never seems to eventuate.

My question is how can I help her?  How can I best support her?  I feel like making an appointment for her to see someone, but I don't know if that is over-stepping my boundary?  I think she is also concerned about cost, as she is a full time stay at home mum and would have to ask her husband for money to see a professional.  Seeing as he does not 'believe' in depression, I suspect he is not being very helpful.  Are there free services available?

I also have no idea which health professional she should be/needs to see?  This is all new to me so I am just trying to find out as much info as possible and try to get her treated by a professional ASAP!  If anyone can offer advice and steer me in the right direction it would be extremely helpful. Thanks in advance.

[White_Rose]

Dear Neilie

Thanks for writing in and being such a terrific friend. It would be great if we all looked after each other in this way.

One of the saddest things is when a partner refuses to acknowledge the other's illness or pain. As he is away for such long periods he does not see the dreadful time she is having. I presume she has transport. The first step would be to see her GP but this may well involve costs unless her GP bulk bills.

Another alternative is to get counselling from an organisation that does not charge. Try Lifeline Ph: 13 11 14, Relationships Australia, Anglicare, Salvation Army and possibly St Vincent De Paul although I am unsure if this last one offers counselling.These organisation offer free or very low cost services. Your friend can also talk to Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636, available 24/7 or the chat line from 3:00pm to midnight.

Can she spend some time with her family or with you? Taking her children to see their grandparents would be beneficial and they may be able to offer support.

Another suggestion is to get her to log on to the BB web site and read about depression. Perhaps get BB to send her some of the literature to give her a better understanding of depression.

She can also contact the Domestic Violence organisation in her state. Refusing to allow your friend to take prescribed medication is a form of abuse.

If she does not have a GP then direct her to the list of GPs on BB. Scroll to the bottom of the page and click on Find A Professional. The list is searchable by postcode.

I hope this helps both you and your friend. Would love to have a reply from you.

Mary

[Neilie]

Thanks for you detailed reply Mary.

I passed on the info regarding the mental health plan.  She said she did see her GP in Jan and got the plan... but she said she hasn't done anything about it since then.

I have been keeping in touch with her and talking with her at least once a day.  Just to see how she is going, and also to keep gently reminding her to make an appointment with a psychologist.  I will give her another week or two.. but if she still hasn't taken the next step and booked an appointment, I'm not sure what to do.  She has obviously been putting it off for this long.  I feel like making an appointment for her, driving down and picking her up and taking her there just to make sure she goes!!!  

[Trish_M]

Hi Neilie,

I concur with everything that Mary has said to you. What a wonderful friend you are!

You mentioned that you are shocked how long your friend has been struggling along on her own, this doesn't surprise me, having done much the same. People with depression are remarkably strong and resilient, keeping silent and persevering over long periods of time. Your friend took a big risk disclosing what she did to you, you too may have trivialized her pain and been less than supportive. Your friend has shown great courage.

However, depression is so very tiring, sometimes, ones mind is that full of negativity and hopelessness, it takes a big effort to shower or get of the couch to go to bed even though you are dog tired. I am sure your friend means to go to the doctor or get help for herself, don't underestimate her struggle to do just that though. Any help you are willing to offer will I'm sure be well received.

Best of luck with your friend and bless you too for your efforts on her behalf.

Trish M.