Hi AL, welcome,
My posts here are well documented about my mothers chronic BPD. My post here is to help you the best I can.
My mother is 83yo now and I havent seen her for 6 years neither has my sister. We wont ever see her again. This is because her promises and guarantees never eventuate and her lies and exaggerations have worn thin over our lifetime. We are both in our 50's.
My mother has left train wreck with relationships where ever she has been. She has needed a headline daily and the cycle has been something like 8 weeks apart, me, my sister, her parents, her neighbours and so on. When we have been in her good books she is wonderful. Her method of triangulation is tragic. If she argued with me once off the phone she'd ring my sister to get her support and so on. In fact to this day she is rounding up relatives in another state to disown my sister and I as part of her strength.
I too came across that book in fact extracts on the computer and googling "waif hermit queen and witch" gets the illness sin much perspective. I must say, as we get a lot of BPD sufferers reading here I'm not condemning you especially if you have sort advice and treatment. In the case of my mother its all everyone elses fault and there's "nothing wrong with me".
My struggles with her overflowed in 1985 when she ruined my first wedding. Fast track to 2010 and my second wedding pending and my daughter warned me that my mother planned to ruin my second wedding. A court order was needed to ensure this did not happen. But of course others see that action of mine and I lose many members of my extended family. So be it.
In many cases treatment is difficult for such people and ongoing treatment also as they tend to withdraw from it. This often leads you to few options and your sanity takes priority. Don't feel guilty.
The end for me came when my mother said she had a heart attack. For 6 weeks I worried. Then she said her heart was fine but she was going blind. And wonder with this sort of thing going on for 50 years something had to give. So I simply asked her if I could attend her with her at her Dr's when she goes from now on. She went into a rage and hung up. Of course she immediately ran gmy sister. When there was no help there she disowned both of us.
She wrote me letters, return to sender was my action. Allow them to control and they will keep doing so. As that book says- they treat you as they own you.
Take care and post if you need
Tony WK
