How to get information across to my husband

[Jo3]

Hi there,

If someone can give me some advice pls on how to get my husband to read up on information on depression, anxiety and borderline personality disorder.

I have been suffering these mental illnesses for 3 yrs now and my husband just doesn't get it.  He doesn't understand what it's like for me to be depressed and to behave in a negative way because of BPD.

I have tried to get him to read on line information but he would be in it.  I found a BB booklet that I had from last year and he looked at the cover and that was it.

 I don't know what else to do apart from dragging him to my GP or psych, which I don't think he will be happy about coming.

Ive tried explaining it to him a while ago and he turned around and said it's my problem and that was it.

 I feel so lonely without my husbands support, just wish he could understand.  If he just sat down and read some information on depression and borderline personality disorder he may understand how I am feeling/coping.

 Hope someone can give me some advice.

Thanks

Jo

[Jo3]

Hi Stephen

I don't know what goes on at night but I replied last night and it hasn't come on.  Yet there seems to be other replies from others that go on straight away.  I just don't get it and I am frustrated.

Hopefully my post will come on otherwise I will have to tell you how my session went yesterday with psych.  It was ****.  I'll tell you more later

Jo

[Stephen123]

Hi Jo, sounds like this weeks session didn't go too well. I,m just back from my psychologist 6week appointment and sometimes the psychs say things I may not agree with but deep down I know they are right. For instance all my doctors want me to stop posting on websites because I have an obsessive nature. 

I,m sorry to hear you are stuck on a thought that if you end up in hospital then your dad will come see you. I don,t think your mum would let your dad see you. Is there absolutely no way you can get a message to your dad? I wish I had some answers for you Jo but this is a tough. Please don,t think about hurting yourself, please keep in mind who you can call if things get bad. I hope things work out somehow Jo, your friend in therapy, Stephen.

[Jo3]

Hi Stephen

You know my psych and GP have said exactly the same as you - my parents won't come to see me.  So i have to realise that this is it - this is the way it is going to be from now on.  My life without my parents.  It's not easy to say because it still hurts but I need to move forward.

I agree with psychs saying things that we don't agree on but deep down we know they're right. And boy that shits me!!!

I've been thinking for a while - am I on here too often because I think i have an obsessive nature as well especially with my mobile phone and checking my emails all the time.  Its at the point now where i am checking my phone every few minutes, and it's driving me crazy.  I try to extend the time that i look but i just can't wait that long. Think i need to discuss this with my psych.

I hope you're okay.  Thanks for your continuing support.  Have a nice weekend.

Jo

[Jo3]

Hi Stephen,

Hope you're doing okay today.  I need support today.  I've been to my doctor's this morning and showed him the letter I wrote to my dad (under depression).  I was crying so much and told my gp that I miss my dad so much, and don't know what to do.  

He tried to calm me down but I still walked out crying.  It's a hard time of the year with Christmas so close.

I'm lost for words today, don't know what to write.

Jo

[Stephen123]

Hi Jo, I read your touching letter to your dad. It was written beautifully and with a lot of emotion in it. I,m sorry your session with the psych didn't go too well. I,m sorry but I too am lost for words. The issue with your dad is a very tough one and hard to think of a resolution to the issue. I hope you get the letter to your dad somehow and something comes of it. My psych told me something strange, he said that there is documented research that venting is actually bad for you. I was under the opinion that getting everything out was good for you. Everyone around me is telling me to leave the internet alone and do something constructive. I think I will have to do as they say to keep the peace. One of my posts wasn't well received and it,s upset me a bit so I think I,ll lay off posting for a while. I still think this is a wonderful forum though and a great place to offload and deal with the issues that depression brings. I just hope you try and be happy over Christmas Jo, bask in the warmth of your family. I hope you get to hug your dad. It,s not much to ask for. I wish you and everyone that has anything to do with beyond blue a peaceful Christmas, a peaceful problem shared, problem halved Christmas.

[Jo3]

Hi Stephen,

Thanks for your reply.  I thought that by off loading our problems and talking through it that it would help us. But maybe your psych is right?? 

You need to do what's best for you and for your family; and if that's leaving this site well then that's what you need to do.  Be constructive is probably a good idea - do something that you enjoy doing.

I understand how you would be feeling when a post is not well received.  I had a message that wasn't received too well the other day and I was quite upset.

But everyone is different I guess.

Stephen, I just want to say THANK YOU for everything you have helped me with.  Your support is amazing and I truly thank you for listening to me talk about my issues, rant and rave, complain about my husband and just being me.

I truly believe that you find peace and joy within yourself.  I wish you and your family a very Merry Christmas and I hope that next year is a much better year for you.  Wishing you all the very best for the future.

I was so grateful to have met you on-line as my "therapy friend".  I felt like you really understood me.

Please take care and thanks again

your friend

Jo

[Stephen123]

hi Jo, I,m sorry I can,t stay away from this site for some reason. All my doctors are telling me to stay away and the wife gets pissed off at me sometimes but I,m drawn to this website. Some times when I feel brave enough I,ll reply to a post and I tend to just write the first thing that comes to mind and then I stress about writing the wrong thing and upsetting someone. I think it,s the PTSD that does this or maybe I shouldn't be replying to anyone. I just wanted you to know that I,ve thoroughly enjoyed our chats and it,s easy to tell from your posts that you are an amazing person as are all the people that post on this site. I sincerely hope things start coming together for you Jo. I,m sure you were inspired by Joeys posts. I think it,s nice and important for people to hear that with a bit of work these serious issues can be overcome. I hope you have a good week Jo, I,ve read your plans and they sound like an excellent idea. I think you need and deserve to be pampered for a little while and why not do it in preparation for Christmas. Jo I don,t think it will be the perfect Christmas for given the situation with your parents but I can read through your posts that your working bloody hard. Try and be good to yourself this week Jo you honestly deserve all the happiness and Christmas joy there is. I hope you and your family have the best Christmas possible Jo and I hope we,ll have the odd chat over Christmas. Your friend in therapy Stephen.

[Jo3]

Hi Stephen

When I read that you weren't going to be on here anymore, I was sad because you have helped me so much.  Your encouragement and support and your kind words have been great to me and others on here.

But in a way I'm glad you're still on here.  I totally understand what you're saying about your wife getting shitty; I am sure my husband cracks it at times because he knows I am on here.  But do you know what, I don't care. Because if I hadn't come on here 6 months ago I don't know where I would be now.  So many beautiful people who understand and have gone through a mental illness and understand the pain and suffering we go through.

I'm trying really hard to stay positive for Christmas but it's so damn hard.  I cry all the time.  Didn't want to go to work this morning, just wanted to stay in bed. But for some reason I pushed myself to get up.  I really hate the way I feel and I hope that I can change.

I hope you have a really nice day. Chat soon

Take care

Jo

[Jo3]

Hi Stephen

Hope you're doing okay.  I had my last psych session yesterday for the year.  We just sat and chatted about general stuff and then we did some mindful meditation.  I felt like I was on another planet during the meditation, OMG it was so good.

Trouble is my psych wants me to do this twice a day because it will really help me.  I have tried doing this on my own but its not the same.  So I am going to find one on youtube and listen to that daily.  It really does bring you back in a safe beautiful place. I can't even describe how fantastic it was.

Not seeing my now for 2 weeks so I hope I will be okay.  I think i will unless something drastic happens.

I hope you have a nice day today, chat soon

Jo

[Stephen123]

Hi Jo, great to hear you had a good session with your psych, hopefully you can call on the skills he has taught you if needed over Xmas. It,s a bummer that most of us lose our psychs over Xmas but I guess they need a break just as much as we do. Thank god we have things like bb over Xmas just in case things go pear shaped.

things are going really well this end, we,ll be going away just after Xmas for a couple of weeks and we are really looking forward to that. A quiet Xmas is the norm these days as I used to get stressed out because of the PTSD. We gave up on pandering to aggressive type members of the family years ago and we,ve never looked back.

i hope you,ll be ok without your psych for a couple of weeks, just try and use the skills that he taught you and just try and enjoy being with your beautiful family. You always have bb as a back up. I wish I could find the words to make all your worries go away even if it was just for Christmas, but I think we both know that peace is only going to come with a lot of hard work by yourself. Maybe you can give yourself some time off for Christmas Jo. The hard work can wait for next year, for now you can have a look at how far you have come on your journey and give yourself a bloody good pat on the back because I think you have achieved a hell of a lot and I think you deserve a break. Be good to yourself Jo, eat lots of chocolate and have some Jo time, enjoy your family. Have a good Christmas. Stephen.