How to get information across to my husband

[Jo3]

Hi there,

If someone can give me some advice pls on how to get my husband to read up on information on depression, anxiety and borderline personality disorder.

I have been suffering these mental illnesses for 3 yrs now and my husband just doesn't get it.  He doesn't understand what it's like for me to be depressed and to behave in a negative way because of BPD.

I have tried to get him to read on line information but he would be in it.  I found a BB booklet that I had from last year and he looked at the cover and that was it.

 I don't know what else to do apart from dragging him to my GP or psych, which I don't think he will be happy about coming.

Ive tried explaining it to him a while ago and he turned around and said it's my problem and that was it.

 I feel so lonely without my husbands support, just wish he could understand.  If he just sat down and read some information on depression and borderline personality disorder he may understand how I am feeling/coping.

 Hope someone can give me some advice.

Thanks

Jo

[Jo3]

Hi Stephen

I'm really pissed off at the moment.  I was looking at accommodation places for this weekend and asked hubby if he wanted to go and he says oh yeah with no enthusiasm at all.  So he leaves it to me.  I'm the one who always books places, holidays, etc.  Why can't he just do one thing for once and surprise me! No he can't even do that.

All I wanted to do was to go away for the weekend, have a break but looks like I'll be going nowhere.

 Some husbands just don't get it.  But I'm sure you get it!!!

Maybe he doesn't want to go anywhere with me - because of my mental illness.  I don't know, I am feeling so frustrated.  It's always me that does the ringing around, getting prices for accommodation and then booking. 

 I needed to vent that piece of information. 

Jo

[Stephen123]

Hi Jo, I,m sorry to hear hubby,s response, please try and not read too much into it. Atleast he said yes he wanted to go. It would be nice if he just took the reigns and organised something for you both. Wouldn't a surprise trip organised by him be nice? I don,t think it,s too much to ask for especially with the kids grown up. Does hubby have a close male family member or friend that you could confide in and maybe get him to have a word with hubby? Just a though. It,s hard getting a third party involved with marriage issues. I think hubby needs something to make him realise what you mean to him, maybe a weekend away on your own or with a girlfriend. Let him fend for himself for a while. Just another thought. Keep trying Jo something will work out. Stephen

[Jo3]

I guess now I won't be going anywhere.  You know it would be amazing if he just booked something and surprised me and not tell me where we're going.  No hubby has no male family members as he is an only child and it's just him and his mum. 

You're right he needs me to be away for a while and then he can see what it's like; how much I really do.  I would love to go away with a friend but being so close to christmas is going to be difficult.

Actually the way I feel at the moment I would love to be away on my own.

I'll just keep plodding along, i guess.

Jo

[Jo3]

Hi Stephen

Not feeling great today, I actually don't want to do anything anymore.  Just want to close my eyes and then wake up and it's all gone; all the abuse memories, the depression, just everything - but that won't happen, will it?

It's just I am so frustrated with myself, i hate myself, i hate my childhood, i have nothing to show from it - no toys, books, special things, nothing., all i have is memories of my abuse.

i'm sorry, i really rambling today, not thinking properly and wish i was just dead. That way no one would have to worry about me; there would be no more memories of the abuse, no more depression, bpd, or anything.

But you know what keeps me going - my children. they mean so much to me, they are my everything. i can't do this to my kids; the thought of them with no mum would be devastating.

so what do i do? i don't know, i am lost, scared and lonely. my hubby doesn't get it, he doesn't ask me anymore how my sessions are; or even how i am really feeling. he brushes it under the carpet, like he doesn't want to know anything, because he can't deal with it or doesn't know how and he won't seek help from gp or psych.

I'm feeling so emotional today, i don't know what to do.

I'm sorry for boring you with my problems. 

Jo

[Stephen123]

Hi Jo, sorry to hear you,re not good today. It,s ok if you just want to drop everything today. If you start feeling better i think you should organise something nice for yourself like a spa treatment or something, something relaxing. If you have private health insurance have you maybe thought of accessing your private health fund for a short stay at a private health clinic. They are more like hotels these days. Just a thought. I think if you organised some time away your family would then appreciate what they have in you as wife and mum. I live for my kids as well, they are amazing aren,t they? Hope you start to feel better Jo, Stephen 

[Jo3]

Hi Stephen,

Had a coffee before with a work friend.  Had a few laughs which was good.  She is the only one I can talk to and trust, the rest are so untrustworthy.  You know I have thought about private health clinic before - i would love to go somewhere like that - even if it's just a few days.  I think i will talk to my psych about this - he may even know some places.  I just feel i need space, space for me.  it prob sounds selfish but i just want time for myself.

Hubby will be home soon from work so I'll prob go with him for a walk down the beach with our dog.

I'm having a session tomorrow afternoon with psych, that will be interesting.  we are doing more work on mindfulness.  i sometimes find this very difficult as my head starts to wander and i think of all sorts of things.  but i make sure that i am mindful and do the exercises, which reminds me i must go and do some relaxing meditation.  i;m sure that will help me.

i;m sorry Stephen, I talk so much (that's a female thing isn't it!!!).

Jo

[Stephen123]

Hi Jo, good to hear you had a nice coffee with your friend. I,m glad you like the private health clinic idea. The psych I go to is part of large organisation that has a private health clinic. It,s just like a hotel with therapy. My psych said I could book in there anytime on private health care, I,d have to pay excess etc.. But if I ever get bad enough that is where I,m heading to. I hope you enjoy the walk on the beach. I,ve been forcing myself to get out into the garden and do some gardening work, I feel great after it. I just have to stay away from the beer afterwards.

i hope you have a good session with the psych. It,s easy to get caught up in the negative things we have to work hard on what the psychs tell us to do so that we can move forward. 

It,s that you can talk so much, getting things out rather than bottle them up. Good luck tomorrow Jo, goodnight.

[Jo3]

Hi Stephen

I'm actually feeling calm this morning.  This health clinic that you're talking about - is it in Victoria or interstate? Do you know the name of it so I can google it? You know sometimes I just want to be away from everyone, but not be in hospital (although sometimes I wish I was).  Only thing though I am not sure if my hubby would agree or even let me go.  I think if i was to seriously go to a place like that i would have to get either my psych or GP to talk to my hubby and explain reasons why i want to go.

Anyway i'm getting ready for work today - not sure how the day will go but hopefully i'll have a few laughs and not cries!!! And after work straight to my session.

Sounds like you have a great psych who is part of a great health clinic.  Great to see you got out into the garden, i always feel good after i have been outside even just watering the plants makes me feel good.

I hope you have a great day today.

Your friend Jo 🙂

[Stephen123]

Hi Jo, great to hear you feel calm this morning. hopefully you,ll have a good day today. The health clinic I go to is in the Hills area of Sydney ( north west Sydney ) if you google the hills clinic mental health it should come up. There should be an equivalent in Melbourne somewhere. Anyway I hope you have a great day Jo. Your friend Stephen 

[Jo3]

Hi Stephen,

Take two!!!! Hopefully i won't lose this reply.

I had my session today with my psych and I stuffed up big time.  I am only allowed to email him once a week and he wants me to regulate my emotions and behaviour. But i was really angry, emotional etc this week so i emailed him 5 times. I know it's a lot.  I just wanted him to reply to me. So I get there this afternoon and he started on the emails, I knew he would, he said that there is no need to email that many times and that he has other clients that he sees and I can't expect him to drop everything to email me.he wants me to do more mindfulness exercises and that if i did more of that, I would be able to regulate my emotions and not be so negative. I do understand that but i still wanted a reply.  (now i can't remember what else I wrote)

Oh yeah, I told him that I had a plan last night that if i hurt myself maybe my dad would come and see me.  I started to cry and i told him i want my dad, i miss my dad.  he said that he realises how painful this is for me, but do i really think my parents would come to see me in hospital - no, i realise this now that they won't come.  they haven't come in the three years so why would they come now.

I told my psych there is nothing else i can do to see my dad, nothing at all. but i still think that thought would be a good idea.  

 Jo