How do I support my husband suffering depression?

[Coping_with_husband]

Hi my husband has just been diagnosed with depression / anxiety and he has completely shut down and won't talk to me. I have been able to get him to docs and he has started medication and has app with phsyciatrist but in the meantime I don't know how to deal with him. I'm 7 mths pregnant and also have a 2 yr old and am having trouble coping emotionally as it is, I have to be strong as he already feels he is a burden on everyone but it's so hard. He is having paranoid thoughts and just stares off in to space for most of the day it's really affecting our 2 yr olds behavior and she is really playing up which is stressing us both even further, do I just leave him to be in his own little world or do I confront him regularly and try get him talking? I'm afraid this stress is going to affect our unborn child too I had post natal depression with my 2 yr old and am worried that with all this stress it may come back with baby number 2? 

[geoff]

dear Coping, firstly thanks for posting your story, which in fact is a terrifying one for you, your young daughter, and your husband.

Can I say that this is certainly a worry for yourself especially if you have had PND before, so you really have 2 concerns here, firstly what to do and how to cope with  your  husband, and secondly as your 7 pregnant with a young child who is at a difficult age, where what you say may not register with her, and what I mean by this is that they are very observant , trying to speak, and not fully aware of what state your husband is in, so combine all of these and it's a big problem.

I am worried about what his paranoid thoughts are, and if it's what I think it is then this is real worry.

Many depressed people don't want to talk to their loved ones for many reasons, and these could be because they don't want you to worry, or they believe that you won't understand, and even if their thoughts are irrational, we try and convince them that we do understand, but unfortunately most of the time they don't believe that, and that they are stuck in this situation all by themselves.

So what can you do, well ask him if he wants you to go with him when he sees the psychiatrist, but see if someone can look after your daughter when this happens, because too many distractions won't achieve what he is there for.

It's great that you have organised an appointment with the doctor, as the sooner this was done the better, and you have done this.

The second point I would dearly like to suggest to you is that you too need to see someone by yourself, so that maybe you can ward off any potential recurrent of getting PND, I know that this is not easy for you, but if get to see someone now then the base will be setup for you later on.

What you can try and do for your husband is to just let him know that if he wants to talk to you, then the door is open, although he may say OK and thanks, but this won't necessarily make him talk, but later on he will.

Can you please get back to us, especially about the question I have asked, but there are other concerns I would like to talk to you about. L Geoff. x