Hi guys,
Half a year ago my now ex-girlfriend and I broke up, partly because I was at the verge of going abroad for a few months (I'm still abroad right now). Since a month or two we are talking again, on the phone. In a normal, friendly manner, without feelings of romantic love. Lately she confessed to me that she has been feeling seriously depressed (she always had that tendency). She works, then goes to a bar alone, gets drunk, goes home, cries, sleeps, and does it all over again. Her study is suffering from it, and because of some unfortunate events mostly outside of her doing, she has lost the few good friends she had. I guess that is why she started calling me again - I seem to be the only person with whom she can share her feelings. But of course, calling me is hard for her, because of our history, and the complexities of emotion that it brings with it.
Her depression is a real one, and long past the stage of romantic melancholy. I am truly very worried for her. And I don't really know what to do... Would it be smart to initiate a call every know and then? The problem is that she will feel as somebody in need for help - me calling her only to aks how she is doing - and she has always hated the feeling of needing or getting help. She will most likely shut it off and does not want to border me (as she has been saying the last few times, although she always called me, and although she very obviously desired my advice/conversation). And then there is the problem that if I call her, she would get afraid that I interpret our conversations also as ways to get together again, fall in love, hope for romance (she expressed this fear multiple times). On my side, that is not the case, but I can't convince her about it. The risk is that calling her would only burden her with more emotional complexities and dilemmas (she needs me at times, but does not want to admit it to herself; she wants my friendship, but is afraid of my love; she desires our conversations, but not the implicit effects that she thinks they might have). Calling her might make her feel even more lonely.
What do I do? Should I not call her or try to help her? But I seem to be truly the only one with whom she can talk right now, and I'm genuinely afraid for her wellbeing if she gets too isolated and alone. At the same time, my calls could only make things worse. But I don't know if she'll be able to get out of it alone 😞
