How do I get help for my husband?

[Kmonkey]

I am feeling overwhelmed and lost. My husband is suffering from what I believe is anxiety or depression. It has gotten progressively worse over the past 3 years (we've been married 14). I have encouraged him to seek help but he always finds a reason not to. I struggle with him not seeking the help he needs.

We never used to argue..we have disagreed plenty, but lately even the smallest things are like an emotional explosion. I feel like I am walking on eggshells, trying not to upset him.

Last week he told me that he wasn't sure if he loves me anymore. Even though I know it isn't true it hurt really bad. Tonight he had a some kind of panic attack after I got upset that he refused to kiss me goodnight. I've never seen him like that before. He was angry and crying and saying without me he has nothing but I just make it all worse.

A couple of weeks ago he finally agreed to go see a GP, but I couldn't get him an appointment at the time. Now he doesn't want me to make an appointment at all.

What can I do?

[geoff]

hello Kmonkey, can I welcome you to the site and for posting your comment.

I'm sorry that your husband is struggling with depression, anxiety and initially being in denial and even if you have been able to get him to see a GP, which was good, now he doesn't want you to make another appointment.

Perhaps I can say that I too was in denial and didn't want my wife to do the same, but she did, and eventually, with the discussions with my GP I agreed that I needed help.

Please tell him that because he is crying there must be something he needs to talk about and to take the K 10 test by putting this in his search button

www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/anxiety-and-depression-checklist-k10

He may do this test when you aren't with him, that doesn't matter, hopefully, he will realise that he needs to talk with his doctor. Geoff.

[demonblaster]

Hi Kmonkey ☺ welcome to BB. Thankyou for posting

How sad what you're going through it would be very hurtful I'm so glad you know he doesn't mean it but yeah would still go deep

You did well getting him to agree to see GP, what a shame no available appointments.

May I suggest give him a little more time but keep at this I feel you're on the right track he's clearly under a lot of pressure and a GP is a good starting point to get help.

I think one of the hardest things is defining what the cause/s of pain are, when we know from there it gives a base to work out what can be done to change the situation if possible

You're clearly there for hubby but this as you know is high stress for you too, I think its important for you too to be able to talk to someone if you feel you'd like to this is the BB no: 1300224636... 24/7 and you always have here of course too 🙂

Please know your welcome anytime to talk

I am sorry you're both going through this, there is good resources for help out there and this can be managed with the right help.

Best to you both ☺

[smallwolf]

If I may, I will put myself into your husband place for this post...

Firstly, his/my denial may reflect our perception of what anxiety and depression are. Especially if it is based on what you see on TV. When I had a conversation with my wife, it started with a question "Do you actually know what anxiety and depression are?". This was after I had a couple of session with my psych. Before my breakdown I thought that what I had been experiencing was "normal". Or, that it was that bad that needed attention.

On the arguing... unfortunately that is our mind operates. I go from a green (calm/good) mood to RED depending on what is said. Unfortunately, rather an exploding, I would let it seethe and grow inside me. Why? Because I did not want to shout at my wife. Different people have/use different mechanisms.

On the love thing... I am certain he still loves you, if only based on the number of years of marriage. I (still) have the similar thoughts. But what my head says vs my heart are not entirely on sync. The emptiness of depression and constant worry and how we view ourselves, I think affects how as treat around us, but not intentionally.

On the kiss/panic attack... think that is anger,frustration talking (if it were me) and the not kissing part maybe because his (or me and my wife) is because our heart in not in it, and it would feel an empty gesture. Two alternatives here... my wife comes up behind me to cuddle me. Saving "love you" might also help.

We (with depression) can be our own worst enemies. So what can do?

Maybe print out some stuff from the web site and leave somewhere in the house he might find it? I am not sure why he might be in denial? Are there work pressures? no time available? I cannot say I have looked, but the help lines here or documents might provide help for you in getting your husband to see a GP.

I felt and believe that my health is more important that work. I intend to be around for the long term, and a constant spiral downwards does not help anyone. I didn't want to be the grumpy individual (as my teen daughter think I am) and so sought out help.

All the best.

(I think that is good that you recognise the signs.... the next step will be hardest (unfortunately) but I think necessary.)