How can I support my partner with an eating disorder.

[Gambit87]

Hi everyone,

long story short, my partner had suffered terrible childhood trauma and as a result she developed bulimia.

She used to purge right up until we got together (over 5 years ago now). She says she has stopped but there have been times where I suspected she has been purging, although I was never sure, so I never bought it up.

Shes a stress eater and she eats large quantities of food and its usually junk food. Shes extremely self conscious about her weight and breaks down crying apologises to me for her binges, being over weight, how ulgy she is (she isnt, she is more beautiful than the day I met her). I tell her she has nothing to apologise for and give her a big hug.

On my part - I reassure her as much as possible. I am very careful about what I say - a few years ago I made an innocent remark 'that icecream didn't last long' over some icecream that was gone within an hour of buying it - she barely ate for 3 days afterwards. I am fearful of her binging because of the health implications but I hide it the best I can. She sometimes sees the bother it causes me and breaks down and I tell her - If you need to eat, eat but id rather you eat a kilo of veggies in one sitting than a box of cocopops. She knows Im only worried about her health and not the actual eating.

She knows she has a problem and is currently seeing a psychologist and sometimes see a dietitian who specialises in eating disorders. she does have good days, but its the bad days that make her feel like she cant get past this. Shes very depressed and has a bleak outlook on life. she doesnt have may friends, she doesn't go out and do things she enjoys. Ive been trying to pass on what ive been taught/learnt in my journey in overcoming depression and anxiety - but she looks at it with skepticism. I'm encouraging her to change jobs as she works in disability support and she works with some clients who are quite mean to her and make comments about her weight.

I love this girl more than anything and all I want to do is help.

Does anyone have any advice?

Thank you all!

[quirkywords]

Gambit

it must be difficult for you both as she doesn’t want to upset you and you want to help.

Butterfly Foundation has resources for you both. It is worth a look. The website has easy to access information.

The Butterfly Foundation. Support for eating disorders and body image issues. Also provides lots of information for worried friends and family. Phone support 8am til midnight 1800 33 4673 as well as an online chat. thebutterflyfoundation.org.au There is also help via email.

I think there can be shame with bulimia do people tend to be secretive.

I used to binge eat a bit and people would say can’t you eat one choc biscuit and not the whole pack.
Yes I know that but eating helped numb my pain. So I ended up bingeing in private and I hid wrappers etc. I was lonely and so ashamed. I was lucky that I didn’t develop bulimia but even though I don’t binge it is a part of me.

thanks Gambit for your honesty and patience.

[Guest_206]

Hi Gambit87,

Thanks for your post and for caring about your partner and wanting to support her. I agree with quirkywords to follow up with the Butterfly Foundation for support, advice and resources.

I also have an eating disorder and understand about the shame that comes from binge eating. I wouldn't worry about her physical health - I would leave that to the dietician. I would focus on just being there to support her as she is and don't worry if ice cream goes missing in an hour- she's just using a coping mechanism that she is familiar with, even if it's not one that she is happy about.

It's great that she is seeing a Psychologist and Dietician who specialise in ED's. I am too, but for me it is a long road. I know that what has helped me in a partner is having someone who has a relaxed relationship with food, no good or bad food - food is food, and no food rules - all things which are part of ED recovery.

And about body image- I really try to focus on the things my body does for me rather than on a culturally imposed standard of what is acceptable. Much easier said than done though.

It sounds like you're already doing a great job in supporting her and it sounds like she's lucky to have you!

X g

[Gambit87]

Thank you both!

and thank you for sharing your personal experiences

I'll checkout the butterfly foundation