Helping my man long-distance

[Rose2001]

Ok so I’ve been seeing this guy for a while, I really like him but I never get to talk to him. I’m lucky if I get to talk to him once a week and when I do it’s “hey how are you how is everything I miss you” and that’s it. At the moment he’s a 5 hour drive away staying with his mum. He’s told me before that his mum has cancer, and I know recently she had a stroke. He’s shut me out and I get it but it’s really hard for me. I’m turning 18 on Tuesday and I cannot enjoy myself at any party’s I go to because I’m missing him and not able to crack on with anyone.

I guess I’m just asking for advice on how to cope with missing him and how to support him from a distance when he’s shut me out and I don’t get to speak to him 😕

[Croix]

Dear Rose2001~

Welcome here to the forum, and thank you for laying out the problem so clearly, it would be very hard for you.

I have found in my relationships that there is a balnce, and except in the heat of an argument for a few minutes one does not cut the other person out of one's life. They need the other person, and are unhappy when life forces them apart.

In addition that care means they do not want the other person to be hurt or in distress, and if one is doing something that does that one tries hard to stop.

I can understand that some people find remote conversations difficult, they are not natural talkers on the phone, however if you explain you are being cut out and ask if that is really what he wants then that might be the start of more time together, even of only telling what one did today, it does not need to be heavy.

I guess it boils down to does he want to please you and set you at ease or is this all an excuse to break away? What do you think?

Croix

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

One of the common developments in young adults after teenage years is empathy, which is the ability to walk in anothers shoes.

It's great you are aware he has his sick mum, thats a good start, but regardless of that and that this young man has to focus on his mum who has great needs at the moment, you arent fully connected to his problems.

In such a traumatic situation for him, you should put your needs on hold while he battles with getting through this period of stress. To do this, to be ultimately supportive, is to- not mention how hard it is for you, express that he is welcome to talk anytime even at night, that you are there for him and even mention that when the opportunity arises you and him can do things together, but that you understand his commitments at this time.

Then, attend your parties and enjoy your life. Spread your time with others and just be there for him if he wants you. Thete is always a chance he might not be interested in a relationship with you. As you know it takes two people to make a relationship so if he isn't committed, you'll be waiting for nobody. Hemce...be supportive but be open to other possibilities by meeting other guys.

I hope that helps.

TonyWK

[geoff]

Hello Rose, and a warm welcome to the forums.

Croix and Tony have provided some great advice and for you to be in a long distance relationship is not easy as there will be times when you want to talk to each other but unable to.

There will also be periods where all you want to do is hold and cuddle him as his mother is suffering from cancer as well as having a stroke, so I believe that absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Realise that he might find it difficult to open up and frightened to show his emotions, but welcome him to ring you in both good and sad times.

Take care.

Geoff.