Helping depressed Mum and feeling down.

[Jaamesss]

Hi everyone,

 This is my first time on BeyondBlue. I have been feeling quite down lately, and thought I would open myself to getting help and advice from friends in this community. 

 Im unsure of the exact area in my life that I've been unhappy with aNd why I've felt so anxious and down lately. I have been taking care of my mum who's been really depressed, and on anti-depressants by her psychiatrist and has been getting better. It's been a tough couple of months taking care of her myself, but instead of feeling entirely happy/relieved that she's feeling better... I feel trapped and unexcited by ideas that I could be living with a her for the longest time. I love my mum more than anything in this world, and feel incredibly guilty for feeling this way... But as she has no friends or family, I am always holding off things to be by her side because I don't want her to be lonely. And of course, I enjoy her company also, she is the sweetest person ever.

However, In turn... I feel incredibly lonely now. Who's there for me ? I've become unmotivated at work, and had taken leave for a week to do nothing at home all day, my friends and relatives are all too busy or seem to be enjoying themselves without my company, and I'm becoming more and more uninterested or not very excited by anything...

I feel incredibly weird right now, as that's the best word I can describe it. a mix of guilt, anger, sadness, loneliness and bottled up emotions of wanting to let loose are consuming me.

 i would love to hear from anyone.

thanks,

James 

[geoff]

dear James, welcome to the site and thanks for joining us.

Your love and support for your mum must be reassuring for her, which is something that she may not realise at the moment, as she seems to be affected by depression a great deal.

Unfortunately what can happen when someone is looking after a person who has depression is that slowly as they are involved they too will become depressed themselves.

I t doesn't happen straight away, or it could, but with you in this case, it begins to wear you down, your mum wouldn't want this to happen, but with this illness it slowly takes over.

It really forms as being stressed out as well as being anxious and both of these two elements are part of this beast, and it's called depression, and nobody is immune from this, and because you have taken a week off work, feel 'mix of guilt, anger, sadness, loneliness and bottled up emotions of wanting to let loose are consuming me', as these are true indications that it would also be good that you go and see your GP, because it's wearing you down. Geoff.

[HelenM]

Hi James,

It's very good of you to be so supportive of your Mum whilst she's ill. Your feelings of frustration you have about caring for your Mum are totally understandable and nothing to feel guilty about.

It's really important to consider your needs too in this situation. You need to lead a life. To give your Mum all your time and energy is not good for you. Now that she's recovering could you perhaps work at re establishing some of the social contacts you had and/or take up some new interest.

Take care, Helen x