I want to help

coconut86 · ‎29-11-2014

Hello everyone.

I've been reading through some of the other posts and you all seem so supportive of each other. I'll try to keep this as concise as possible.

I've been with my boyfriend for about 2.5 years now. We were planning on moving in together mid dec. This has been planned since early September. 2 weeks ago he has told me that he feel anxious and didn't want to move in because he could feel like it wouldn't work out. It was a bit of a shock but I've said I'd support him despite how hurt I was.

After this he went of a 2 day bender drinking alone and turning off his phone. I was really worried that he had done something. Since then he's opened up to a few more people talking about his problems which it appears his anxiety and depression is mainly stemming from money.

On Thursday night he came over to talk and tried to break up with me. He said his heart wasn't in etc. He said he still loved me and cared about me. But he wasn't sure if he was going to get better. He is refusing still to either talk to a gp/counsellor. And I'm at a loss. When I question him on things he gets angry and verbally aggressive or just completely shut down. He keeps changing his mind to if he can see me in his future. I really love him and I know that this isn't him. But I'm at a loss as to what to do.

Sorry for the long post.

white knight · ‎29-11-2014

Hi Coconut, welcome to Beyond Blue forums.

Your post wasnt long, not half as long as some of my replies.lol

We often get sufferers that wont attend a GP or therapy. It boils down to how far they will go for loved ones. Their stubborness doesnt do them any favours and other success stories here (and I'm one) are a testament to recovery....90% anyway.

Imagine is you did live together and after time his mental illness issues got worse and still he'd refuse to seek help. Then the heart ache really begins. Imagine if there were kids involved.?

You are not in a good situation but I'm afraid you might need to let him go and do what he wants to do. There could be others reasons for his behaviour? He could be getting angry for this reason?. Because it doesnt make much sense to me.

At the end of the day you need to focus on yourself. And eventually move forward. Shattering as it is sometimes things happen for a reason.

Take care and we are here for you.

Tony WK

geoff · ‎30-11-2014

dear Coconut, this is very sad for you, but with the reasons that Tony has given you, I have to agree.

I do realise that it's a total shock for you and very disappointing, but can I put it this way, imagine if you did move in together, bought furniture, signed a lease after putting up the bond money and paid a month's rent in advance, hooked up the electricity/gas and telephone and he decides to leave, then you will be faced with all these bills to be paid by yourself, this would cause a great pain and expense left for you.

I hope that by these comments you haven't lost faith in this site. L Geoff. x

coconut86 · ‎30-11-2014

Thank you fir your reply. The clincher is I've already signed a lease. We were supposed to be house sitting for a friend of mine for 6 months as a trial period to the next step. I can't leave my friend in the lurch and my housemates have already found someone to move into my room. So that's that. I'm really just not ready to let go of this relationship. It's been good until the last 6 weeks. And within the last two he has had this very bad episode of anxiety. I know how good it can be and I'm willing to work back towards that.

coconut86 · ‎30-11-2014

Thank you for your reply. Being honest I'm not ready to leave it go just yet. I'm 28 and he's 27. The last 2.5 years have been so much fun for the most part. As I answered below I already gave agreed to move into the apartment. It's just all a mess. I really want to work on it and fully believe it can get better. But I know he'll have to get the help he needs first.

white knight · ‎30-11-2014

Hi Coconut,

Well that changes things a lot.

You'll have a 12 month lease. So the way I see it....is that you'll have 12 months or so to really know what's going on here with your BF.

Best of luck with this. Just remember, you can only do your best. Look after yourself and we are here to give our support.

Tony WK