Dealing with a partner with undiagnosed Bipolar Disorder

[Mr_Turmoil]

Hi guys and gals,

I've been reading through the forum for the past couple of months and have found many helpful life tips for living with a partner with mental health issues, however now I'm at a roadblock that I can't seem to understand. My partner and I have been together for almost four years, she has a number of issues including arthritis, narcolepsy, OCD, depression and anxiety. Things between us were great for the first year and a half but now the love I once felt is dissipating. Now we fight constantly (mostly due to the narcolepsy meds) and arguments are daily. During which, she will use anything she can, taken out of context and twisted, to verbally assault me with. It only takes a single comment to turn her demeanour from happy (quite rare these days) to downright nasty, and it lasts sometimes for hours, more often days. So I try not to say anything that could produce this result and I can't stand it.

The strangest thing is that most of the arguments are on the phone, but when we meet face to face it is as though the fight never happened, at all. Issues are never resolved and I'm left feeling lost & confused. It is as though my partner is two completely different people. I have asked her more times than I can count to see her psych but she refuses every time with a lame excuse.

Now she wants to marry me and have kids, which I'm not prepared to do (especially as she broke up with me over the phone three times in the last two weeks, yeah, tact is the word) until she sorts herself out and at least starts to try and fix the issues, I've had enough of trying to make things work, I just can't do it any more. She tells me that I'm her last chance of having children (she is in her mid 30's) and if I break up with her then I am the one who screwed up her chance of ever having kids. I've lost most of my friends since we've been together as she never allows visitors to the house (even my family is yet to see where I live), I feel like she is controlling and is completely unable to understand how I feel and how she is making me feel. I just don't know what to do any more.

I can't marry someone who I wouldn't trust with my kids; and I can't marry someone simply because it will make them feel better and make me resent her for the rest of our 'married' life. Marriage and kids are not a magic solution to depression, nothing good can come from it.

[Unloved_wife]

Mr Turmoil,

 I may sound harsh but as a girl in the same situation.

Leave. Pack a bag and leave. Not for good. But she needs to see that you will not be emotionally manipulated into giving her kids and marriage.

I am literally in the same situation. My husband got bad - told me he had feelings for another girl, didn't love me anymore. The things he has said to me.

We have been living apart for sometime now and in the past few weeks he has really realised how much he hurt me.

I have been in an emotionally abusive relationship for years. I didn't realise it.

Your girlfriend needs help, but she needs a wake up call. You need to look after yourself and that means putting yourself first. Leave and go somewhere just for a week. Turn off your phone.

I'm early 30's and I'm so sad that my marriage is probably over and I may not have kids. But I'd rather not have kids than have kids that tie me for a lifetime to someone who emotionally abuses me.

Also - use a condom. Don't assume she won't do something silly.

Unloved

[Pixie15]

Hi Mr Turmoil,

If what you write is accurate I think it is fairly simple. You can not be someone's last chance for marriage and having children. Do not accept the guilt tripping. 

I am inclined to agree with Unloved Wife and suggest that you walk away from the relationship. However you might want to get yourself some support in order to do this. Reconnect with your friends and your family if that is possible. If you think this is going to be difficult now try to imagine how much harder it will be if you did have a child together.

Grateful.