Help needed - 29yr old brother who might be seriously depressed

[ConcernedScot]

Hi - I'm a new member, 31 years old, sister of a 29 year old man who I am getting increasingly worried about.

My younger brother is bright and creative yet struggles to hold down a job, and has dropped out of two uni courses (never got past the first term of the first year). Has had a few casual relationships with much younger, fragile girls. Quit his most recent job at a bar (has only ever worked at a bar) as he had trouble with management. He doesnt  like any kind of authority.

He has really bad eczema, all over his body and awful on his face which affects his confidence. He has had trouble with running up online gambling debts, thinking he's smarter than the system (he's not), and can always win (he doesn't). 

He is currently living in a unit owned by our loving (if a bit interfering and overbearing) parents, hasn't worked for about 8 months, has no money, pays no rent or bills, and sleeps all the time - mainly during the day. He has cried in front of my mum as he really has very few friends, no relationship, an inability to hold down a job, no money, seriously bad skin disorder. He puts on a brave face for me, but I know things are bad.

i think he needs to seek professional help but he is so typical for a young man - proud, embarrassed, he won't even see a dermatologist for his skin.

We are all so worried but he won't open up, won't stay in touch if we try and talk to him (avoid calls / texts etc).

Does anyone have any advice? I'm so worried and he won't open up.

he doesn't really drink but I think he takes a lot of non-prescription painkillers for a sore back.

Thanks,

Mrs D

[Zeal]

Hi Concerned Scot,

Welcome to the forum!

It's great that you care about your brother so much. He's very lucky to have you. Has your brother been diagnosed with depression before, or any other mental illness? It sounds very much like your brother has depression; with the constant sleeping, social withdrawal, and his struggle with motivation. Even though he doesn’t want help, he needs to go to his GP (or find a suitable GP). They can refer him to a counsellor or psychologist, if necessary.

Once you have an appointment for him, perhaps drive your brother there to make it easier for him. Sorry if this seems like somewhat childish treatment. Depression clouds thinking, and people often resist help, so getting him over the first hurdle is crucial. If you and your brother are close, and if he is okay with it, I think it may be helpful if you both go into his appointment. He will need to discuss his depressive symptoms and his severe eczema. If he gets sidetracked, you could gently remind him of certain things.

Which courses did your brother attempt at uni? Do you think your brother started a degree he didn’t really want to do, in order to do something “practical”? Some people enrol in a uni course which they believe will be most likely to get them a stable job at the end, and disregard their own passions and inclinations. This might not be true of your brother at all, but is just a thought.

I was very unhappy and anxious after Year 12, which is why I dropped out of my first uni course 6 months in, failing 2 of my 4 classes. That was when I was 18. I have now just turned 22, and I’m going into my second year of a psychology degree. It took a serious eating disorder and hospitalisation before I realised that, since leaving high school, I had just been dragging myself through life. I’ve been well now for about a year and a half. What helped me the most was realising I want to be a psychologist. Now I have a goal, and take great comfort in having a purpose in my life.

With regards to online gaming, is there a way the sites can be blocked? Even though this may seem like childish treatment, it may be the only way to help him stop.

Using his creativity could help your brother get respite from his depression. Maybe he could do an art course at an institution like TAFE.  

I hope something I said is helpful to you

Best wishes,

SM