Should I stay or leave?

Sandy1234 · ‎11-02-2015

My partner and I have been together for about 6 months now. He had chased me for a long time but I didn't feel ready. But once we got together I fell in love quickly and want things for my future that I hadnt wanted with anyone else. Anyway, before we got together his sister killed herself. He relied on me a lot during this time and I felt we were bonded in a way as my best friend had done the same thing, in the same way. So I understood and do understand the different stages you go through when something like that happens. The problem is though, straight after it happened he blocked his emotions because he was too busy taking care of his parents and others around him. So yes he seemed down obviously but he was still himself. Now, nearly a year after it happened he is at the worst point I think he has been in. I am not asking for any sympathy as obviously this is such a traumatic thing that has happened to him but as a partner, someone who has been prone to depression in the past myself, its hard to be around that and not resent the way hes become, the life we are living and disappointment in the life I thought we would live to what the reality is. We never do anything, he just wants to watch tv all the time where he used to always be doing things, going places.. He says he doesn't know how to have fun anymore. We hardly ever have sex, which comes from both sides - him probably cos hes depressed and just not feeling sexy and from me, because I feel disconnected from him. I feel there is no passion anymore. I feel we are just friends or flatmates. I dont feel loved. I feel like I am irritating to him and that he doesn't want me around. He rolls his eyes at me. He gets angry easily. I dont look forward to coming home. I feel depressed about it all myself and the life we are living. I have told him all this before and he understands it and says things will change and he needs to show me more love but they don't. So should I stay and support and bring myself down with him? Or should I leave?

Zeal · ‎11-02-2015

Hi Sandy,

Welcome to the forum! It's great that you loved your partner so much. I'm really sorry about his sister's passing, and in the past, your best friend. That must've been so hard. Your partner sounds like a really caring and compassionate person, though he acts differently now due to his internal struggle. Your partner seems to really have hit rock-bottom emotionally. I'm sure you've heard this from others, but I honestly think your partner needs to seek professional help.

He is deeply depressed and unhappy, and suppressed his emotions immediately after his sister passed. Now, almost a year later, he is breaking down and sinking into depression. Seeing a GP is a good start. He will probably be referred to a counsellor or psychologist. Even if he is resistant or unhappy about this suggestion, make an appointment and drive him there. He will probably need to be pushed, though calmly.

If you are able to, try to stick by him. It sounds like you two were really close, and really loved each other.

Good luck, and best wishes,

SM