So im really struggling at the moment and i have no where else to post this. I kinda just need to vent i guess. My boyfriend of over 3 years lives 4 hours away. He has depression and anxiety and i have bipolar. We have always struggled with communication and i tend to think a lot of it is his doing (although i KNOW im not easy either). To be honest im not even sure where to start. I guess a brief history is best?
He was adopted and has had little communication with his drug addled birth mother. She is not interested in having a relationship with him although he hangs on to it, regularly the cause of his anger. His adoptive mother died 5 years ago. His ex wife and another girlfriend left him close to bankrupt and he recently paid off the debt they left him with. He struggles with abandonment issues. He had a victim mentality and when he isnt playing victim he is busy hating himself for everything that has ever gone wrong in his life. January is the anniversary of his mothers death and also her birthday, its also the time of the year we spend the longest apart. He gets lonely but wont move here, and is impossible to deal with from xmas till his birthday in February.
So, back to the communication problems. I suck at this. A lot. Im not good at sympathy, as the way ive always lived (and it hasnt been easy) is pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep going. If you cant ask for help. I dont wallow i dont complain and ive never been a victim of my circumstances. He is the exact opposite. He feels that he cant say anything without upsetting me, and i feel i cant say anything without upsetting him!!! He has had the same issue with all girlfriends yet ive never had this issue before.
Ive stopped telling him anything much, because it always comes back to him and whats going on with him. I struggle with an arthritic condition too so im often in pain, yet i refuse to bring others down because of it. Im tired of him complaining about everything all the time, while my problems go un heard. I dont know how to respond to his stuff, because he either gets upset, says i dont understand, gets angry or sulks. I find it frustrating and im sure he does too, but i dont know what im supposed to do! Im really at a loss with this, ive tried all sorts of different ways to communicate effectively and nothing works!! Im tired, and frustrated and upset and i wish i could help him, but i cant if its detrimental to my own health.
