Found my boyfriend is taking antidepressant

[Jasmine18]

Hi, I'm new to this. My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for a few years. We are not living together. He had been really loving and supportive until November last year when he went distant suddenly. Around Christmas, he took some time off work, I found he became happier and more talkative, but it wasn’t quite the same as before. In the last few weeks, I can feel he has been pulling away again. I was really hurt. He even said at some stage he just wanted to be friends, but would like to help me and support me whenever I needed it. I found his words couldn't add up and I could tell there was something he wasn't telling me. Just a week ago, I noticed he was taking antidepressant. Now everything seems to make sense.

I’m not quite sure what his condition is as he has never mentioned it to me. But he did mention in the past that he gets panic attacks. Work had been quite stressful for him in the past few years. And at the beginning of this year he started working in a new organisation. I have read a lot online about depression and anxiety in the last week and I really want to be there for him. He doesn't have any friends and his family is far away. He tends to keep a lot to himself and very self sufficient. The fact that he’s taking antidepressant is kind of good news as I wasn’t sure if he would want to seek any professional help in situations like this.

We used to text each other a lot everyday when we are apart. But now he has stopped texting me to say hi. When I text him, he responds, but wouldn't say much. He just doesn't sound like the happy, funny guy I used to text to. He has also stopped showing affection. When I'm with him, he acts quite normally (he even laughs sometimes), and we still have sex, but I can tell he doesn't want to be emotionally intimate.

As he has never mentioned to me he has depression and/or anxiety, I'm not sure if it is appropriate to start a conversation about it bluntly, or should I be more gentle? Also I'm not sure what to do in general. Should I just accept the way he is right now? Is it ok to ask for more affection? I know I need to be strong and not take anything personally, but still, when he is so distant it hurts and makes me doubt his love for me. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

[Jasmine18]

Thank you Croix.

Your words mean a lot to me. I'm very disappointed that he knew I was sacrificing my own needs to support him and accepted my support, but in the meantime he started seeing someone else. I wish I was less kind to him. That said, it is really something I cannot do someone I love.

While I'm really upset, I'm coping with it okay. I know I just have to go through this process emotionally, then I should be able to move on.

Thanks for all your help and support!

Jasmine

[Dazza_X]

Hi Jasmine,

I hope you're doing well and that you came out stronger from the other side of this broken heart story.

I've just found your old post and by reading your comments I can see that probably between you and your boyfriend there was something more going on than just the antidepressants.

I recommend you read the book Attached, by Amine Levine and Rachel Heller.

The description of an Anxious/Avoidant relationship matches with an incredible level of detail what you went through and it may provide you with some explanation and closure for what you experienced in this relationship and help you with future ones.

All the best, 🙂
Dazza