Finding it hard to be there for my boyfriend ...

[a6814]

Hey guys, this is my first time posting so here goes ! 

Me and my bf have been together for 3.5 years now - we are 19. Throughout our time together he has had depression over the winter months and completely changes between April and October. We have defiantly had our up and downs but somehow we manage to get through. We have broken up before but something has always brought us back together and we always end up stronger. However this year it has been horribly worse than normal... 

After summer this year I thought the depression had gone away for good because everything just seemed perfect between us! When he started feeling anxious he started to speak to his councillor at college and I told him that he should see a psychologist - which he now goes to once a week and has been diagnosed with depression and anxiety 😞 Usually he becomes really distant throughout his depressed period and we don't talk as much, but this is the first year he hasn't done that and I've been there the whole time. This has led to many arguments especially me upset because I miss the 'old him'.This year has been really crazy for us both, we both started uni and I have a new group, which he doesn't have because when he is like this he finds it really hard to socialise and make new friends. His whole routine has changed this year and I know he is really struggling. Anyway he has become really jealous of me and my new friendships although I have tried non-stop to try and include him, he just doesn't feel comfortable which makes it hard. 

The depression is always the worst in July and this is where it all went down-hill for us this year ... I recently found out that he cheated on me with another girl after going to her house one night. This is not like him at all and I knew it was the depression that made it happen because I know how much he cares and loves me. My heart was completely shattered and we met up to talk and i've never seen him so angry/upset/disappointed in himself. We still talk and see each other because under the relationship we were best friends, but I can just tell sometimes its the depression talking. He still says he cares and misses me and how sorry he is, but I don't know how I will ever be able to trust him the same again after this 😞 I still have feelings for him and I have since day 1, even though his depressive episodes I've constantly been there to support and love him. 

Im really not sure what to do from here.. 

Does anyone have a similar situation?

[White_Rose]

Dear a6814

Thank you for posting your story and a warm welcome to Beyond Blue. Since your BF is only depressed during the winter months when there is far less sunshine I wonder if his diagnosis should be Seasonal Affective Disorder SAD. Well at least the title fits the illness.  As I understand it the major contributory factor is lack of sunshine on the skin. Whether or not this is a vitamin D problem I don't know. May be useful to get it checked out by his GP.

While vit D may have a bearing I understand it is the lack of sunlight that has the major impact. Not sure why or how but worthwhile researching. If you click on The Facts at the top of the page, then depression/types of depression you will find a brief description of SAD. It is apparently rare in Oz because we have so much sunshine. Which state do you live in? It may be more likely in the southern states. Perhaps your BF could get this checked out as well. I notice you say it is always worse in July which has the least sunlight I believe.

Also check out the general depression symptoms and the information for family and friends. There are many suggestions for helping others who are depressed.

Please bear in mind that when someone is in the grip of depression they do not function very well. They believe they are unworthy of your love and care, have difficulty meeting new people and making decisions, long conversations are tiring and they dislike being questioned or expected to do much. This is not because they are lazy, bad, have no social skills etc. It is the depression that causes these actions and emotions.  If your BF does indeed have SAD he will need special treatment to counteract this, though I understand this is not difficult.

Please let us know how you are going.

Mary

Hey guys, this is my first time posting so here goes ! 

Me and my bf have been together for 3.5 years now - we are 19. Throughout our time together he has had depression over the winter months and completely changes between April and October. We have defiantly had our up and downs but somehow we manage to get through. We have broken up before but something has always brought us back together and we always end up stronger. However this year it has been horribly worse than normal... 

After summer this year I thought the depression had gone away for good because everything just seemed perfect between us! When he started feeling anxious he started to speak to his councillor at college and I told him that he should see a psychologist - which he now goes to once a week and has been diagnosed with depression and anxiety 😞 Usually he becomes really distant throughout his depressed period and we don't talk as much, but this is the first year he hasn't done that and I've been there the whole time. This has led to many arguments especially me upset because I miss the 'old him'.This year has been really crazy for us both, we both started uni and I have a new group, which he doesn't have because when he is like this he finds it really hard to socialise and make new friends. His whole routine has changed this year and I know he is really struggling. Anyway he has become really jealous of me and my new friendships although I have tried non-stop to try and include him, he just doesn't feel comfortable which makes it hard. 

The depression is always the worst in July and this is where it all went down-hill for us this year ... I recently found out that he cheated on me with another girl after going to her house one night. This is not like him at all and I knew it was the depression that made it happen because I know how much he cares and loves me. My heart was completely shattered and we met up to talk and i've never seen him so angry/upset/disappointed in himself. We still talk and see each other because under the relationship we were best friends, but I can just tell sometimes its the depression talking. He still says he cares and misses me and how sorry he is, but I don't know how I will ever be able to trust him the same again after this 😞 I still have feelings for him and I have since day 1, even though his depressive episodes I've constantly been there to support and love him. 

Im really not sure what to do from here.. 

Does anyone have a similar situation?