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Did he fall out of love because of his depression
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19-02-2019
02:13 PM
My boyfriend left me. We've been together for nearly 3 years. He was my best friend. I love him so much.
Througout 2018 he was depressed. The worst parts were in may june and novemember. We had a lovely christmas
This all started since he started talking about how he intentionally pushes people away, doesnt understand why anyone would have anything to do with him, and how he bullies people out of liking him and away from him. I told him ive noticed the ladder and i asked him if he could stop it and he said "no".
Turns out its because he doesnt want to talk with me anymore, he wants nothing to do with me and that he hasnt wanted to spend time with me for 3 to 4 months. He would have been in a bad place when he stopped liking me.
I asked him if he cares about me: "I dont really care about anything"
Asked if he cared about me as a friend: "I dont know". Asked him if he trusted me: "i guess". I asked him if keeping our relationship up was too much emotional effort and he said "yep". He said he stopped liking me. Asked him if he loved me: "I cant say i do anymore". He said he cant do anything about the fact that he doesn't love me anymore. Concerning our relationship, he tried to keep it going for aslong as he could but he cant.
He doesn't understand why im upset. He doesn't care that i'll miss him and that i dont want to loose him. He used to be adoring and caring but since christmas, he has been unsympathetic, uninterested (ik he's not cheating), critical and judgemental. I thought it was just because he was depressed (he acts like this when depressed) but he says he's happy because he doesnt care about anything anymore.
He said he only wants to talk to me and care about me when he's stoned. He smokes pot to deal with his issues temporially. When he's stoned he loves me. He's a trainwreck.
I knew him before he was depressed and we were very close friends. Sure he had issues but it was never as bad as it was in 2018. He was smart and sharp and funny. He has a bad family background. No father and the only relationships that have been modeled to him are loveless and dysfunctional. He pretty much raised himself from age 11 upwards. That might make me sound like a fixer upper but im not.
He promised me that if he misses me or wants to reconnect that he will. He promised me that if he needs me he'll reconnect. He promised that he will talk to me. Is there any hope for improvement or another relationship?
Did he fall out of love because of his issues or ?
Througout 2018 he was depressed. The worst parts were in may june and novemember. We had a lovely christmas
This all started since he started talking about how he intentionally pushes people away, doesnt understand why anyone would have anything to do with him, and how he bullies people out of liking him and away from him. I told him ive noticed the ladder and i asked him if he could stop it and he said "no".
Turns out its because he doesnt want to talk with me anymore, he wants nothing to do with me and that he hasnt wanted to spend time with me for 3 to 4 months. He would have been in a bad place when he stopped liking me.
I asked him if he cares about me: "I dont really care about anything"
Asked if he cared about me as a friend: "I dont know". Asked him if he trusted me: "i guess". I asked him if keeping our relationship up was too much emotional effort and he said "yep". He said he stopped liking me. Asked him if he loved me: "I cant say i do anymore". He said he cant do anything about the fact that he doesn't love me anymore. Concerning our relationship, he tried to keep it going for aslong as he could but he cant.
He doesn't understand why im upset. He doesn't care that i'll miss him and that i dont want to loose him. He used to be adoring and caring but since christmas, he has been unsympathetic, uninterested (ik he's not cheating), critical and judgemental. I thought it was just because he was depressed (he acts like this when depressed) but he says he's happy because he doesnt care about anything anymore.
He said he only wants to talk to me and care about me when he's stoned. He smokes pot to deal with his issues temporially. When he's stoned he loves me. He's a trainwreck.
I knew him before he was depressed and we were very close friends. Sure he had issues but it was never as bad as it was in 2018. He was smart and sharp and funny. He has a bad family background. No father and the only relationships that have been modeled to him are loveless and dysfunctional. He pretty much raised himself from age 11 upwards. That might make me sound like a fixer upper but im not.
He promised me that if he misses me or wants to reconnect that he will. He promised me that if he needs me he'll reconnect. He promised that he will talk to me. Is there any hope for improvement or another relationship?
Did he fall out of love because of his issues or ?
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08-12-2019
11:05 PM
I don't know if I clicked with the therapist but it was a really good appointment. I'm going to keep going to appointments with her. I definitely have plans about new things I want to do. I also have support from the friend I mentioned earlier, the guy who's ex ghosted him. It helps a lot. I have weekly dnd, support from other friends and so on. I know that I need to spend time with friends otherwise I will get sucked into a downwards spiral.
Just gotta keep moving on. I'm also going to make a bucket list of things I want to do because I think that might help a bit.
Nothing wrong with being blunt. We definitely made it clear that we'll keep talking and spending time together. But as friends. We were really good friends before the relationship and I'd like that to continue. So hopefully we won't drift apart. I will do my best to make sure we don't drift apart.
Yea reshuffling and re-configuring my social life. I'd admit it's weird knowing that he's not gonna be this central person in my life anymore. Since I've gotten so used to it.
Also I wrote him a thing which i might send tomorrow or in a few days or whenever feels right. I don't know. We'll see.
It says that if he's done some healing in the future, like in 5 years or 3 and wants to restart or retry, that I'm A okay with that. And I also included that no matter what happens in the future that I'll be his friend and continue to support him and that I've got his back.
I admit that I'm scared that he'll tell me he doesn't love me or that there is no way he wants a relationship in the future. I just want him to tell me that he loves me and that's it's all gonna be alright. But I know that's just part of the healing process and I'll stop thinking those things as I start to move on. And with the "no way he wants a relationship part", I shouldn't get my hopes up but whatever happens, the future is not static. Things change. What people want change and so on.
To be honest, I'm not too keen on getting into another relationship with a new person. Not because of him. But because I tend not to be romantically or sexually interested in people and he was an exception. And also everything is still very very raw.
As I move on, I'll probably realize that I'm happy with a friendship even though right now I want more than a friendship. Right now, things are gonna be raw and that's okay. We'll definitely give each other space if it's needed (which it definitely will be needed).
Just gotta keep moving on. I'm also going to make a bucket list of things I want to do because I think that might help a bit.
Nothing wrong with being blunt. We definitely made it clear that we'll keep talking and spending time together. But as friends. We were really good friends before the relationship and I'd like that to continue. So hopefully we won't drift apart. I will do my best to make sure we don't drift apart.
Yea reshuffling and re-configuring my social life. I'd admit it's weird knowing that he's not gonna be this central person in my life anymore. Since I've gotten so used to it.
Also I wrote him a thing which i might send tomorrow or in a few days or whenever feels right. I don't know. We'll see.
It says that if he's done some healing in the future, like in 5 years or 3 and wants to restart or retry, that I'm A okay with that. And I also included that no matter what happens in the future that I'll be his friend and continue to support him and that I've got his back.
I admit that I'm scared that he'll tell me he doesn't love me or that there is no way he wants a relationship in the future. I just want him to tell me that he loves me and that's it's all gonna be alright. But I know that's just part of the healing process and I'll stop thinking those things as I start to move on. And with the "no way he wants a relationship part", I shouldn't get my hopes up but whatever happens, the future is not static. Things change. What people want change and so on.
To be honest, I'm not too keen on getting into another relationship with a new person. Not because of him. But because I tend not to be romantically or sexually interested in people and he was an exception. And also everything is still very very raw.
As I move on, I'll probably realize that I'm happy with a friendship even though right now I want more than a friendship. Right now, things are gonna be raw and that's okay. We'll definitely give each other space if it's needed (which it definitely will be needed).
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08-12-2019
11:08 PM
In the days before he got back in contact with me, I was considering him telling him that we should switch back to being friends so that the affect of his depression is minimised. Obviously I never did tell him that. But it's very different now that he told me he wanted to end it. Because I never wanted to permanently end it. But we'll see what the future holds. Time reveals all things.
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09-12-2019
05:55 PM
I texted him "hello", radio silence but that's to be expected as we're both dealing with heavy stuff. I really want to talk to him. Just as friends. And it's making me very anxious and my back won't stop hurting. I'm scared of losing him. But I know rationally, he'll talk to me. He said that it was nice catching up and that he hopes that I'll be doing alright. He also told me that he'll see me later. Sometimes I worried that I misinterpreted being friends for being friendly but I know that he agreed to keeping in contact as friends. But rationally I know that he is trying to process all these awful things and so am I.
The only reason why I don't feel even worse is because of hope for the future. That we might have the option to get back together in a few years or whenever is right. I just want him back. At least with the other breakups we had (so 2 or 1 depending if you count one of them), they were for different reasons and they were false alarms. I guess I knew I couldn't keep this up. But holy crap I just want him back (but only if he deals with his issues).
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