Dealing with aggression

[kate.G]

Hello everyone,

My partner was originally diagnosed bipolar1 but now his current doctor said it is Cyclothymia. I have been with him for five years and I am thoroughly exhausted.

He's so demanding and he has been behaving so aggressive lately. When things go wrong, he takes it all out on me and I take it to heart which makes things worse, because he says it makes him feel guilty. I try not to cry, but he scares me and I turn into a blubbering mess.

He was so angry about his car today that when I had to meet him, he hung up on me when I was trying to find out where he was and I was wandering the supermarket carpark in the rain while he was in the car.

Afterwards, he tells me that I'm too sensitive and that he is not angry with me, but he speaks so horribly to me and he will give me the silent treatment or become aggressive if I tell him I don't want to be spoken to that way.

I really want to have a life, but I don't think that is a priority in our relationship, or at least that's how I feel at the moment. I also suffer from CPTSD from being brought up by a mother with bipolar. I don't want to leave as he says it would kill him.

I think his medication isn't helping him and I need to find ways to switch off when he is winding himself up. Any advice would be appreciated

[PamelaR]

Hi Kate and very warm welcome to our community

My heart goes out to you. Things are so difficult aren't they. Having someone yell and be aggressive is just awful. Dealing with cyclothmania is very difficult and the people who are in their lives also find it difficult. It is not easy living with the highs and lows that come with the condition. Especially those around us, people like yourself.

It is completely understandable how exhausted you are feeling. Saying you are 'too sensitive' is 'too harsh'. Who do you have you can turn to when things get tough? For example, close family member or trusted friend? I'm really pleased you've found your way here. Our community is very supportive and caring.

You sound like you need some TLC yourself. Having CPTSD is not an easy thing to live with and I can see how you would be consistently triggered. So I'd like to focus on how you can make things better for yourself. Are you seeing anyone, e.g. doctor or health professional for your C-PTSD? It does help to have someone who is experienced with childhood trauma.

Relationships are important and to stay with someone. There needs to be a mutual understanding about what's in a relationship. For me, its things such as love, kindness, friendship, caring and support are so important in a long term relationship. What do you think?

Turning off, for me, has always been a mechanism for self survival and it's probably okay to do this. Though, maybe think about whether this is what you want in a relationship.

Maybe he needs to do something about where he is at the moment with his Cyclothymia. Is there anyone who can talk with him about getting further assistance?

You're not alone Kate. Keep reaching out if and when you want to. Though there is no pressure for you to do so.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[merry301]

Hi Kate,

I am feeling you!!! I am in a position at the moment with my partner where he has been diagnosed by the GP with depression and anxiety - yet to see a psychiatrist...but he also has huge anger issues. We’ve been together for six years and this is only a new thing! We are currently on a third round of medication in the last 6 months - I’m exhausted!

My mum also suffers from Bipolar 1, so i’ve lived with mental health my whole life!But it takes its toll on you eventually!

I find that having a close support network of friends and family has helped me a lot - but I also find that I am at the point that I shut off to his hurtful words! As hard as that can be! I’ve also found that leaving him at the time of an anger breakdown has helped both of us - he has time to think about his words and I have a break!

Its such a hard thing to deal with - keep going! But make sure you look after yourself too! It’s so important not to forget YOU! Take time to do things that make you happy! Don’t let the anger control!! And as easy as it is for me to write it - I’m struggling with it myself! I’ve found that this forum is a great place to start - sometimes it’s nice talking to be you don’t know! Goodluck xx