Carer wanting advice !!!

[Shaz1964]

as a carer, not sure what to do ?????  My Husband has G.A.D ,  we have a small Mowing and Cleaning Business that we run, now and then everything builds up and we take a weekend off to relax but last week my husband took himself to hospital  with an Major depressive Episode which they kept him in for a week , now we are back home with medication and awaiting mental health plan to get him back on his feet -- I have kidney disease  stage 4 and can not drive ,so there is no income coming in -- today my husband said he feels like he doesn't and can`t work anymore -- the specialist said to ease back into work , any suggestions and advice will be great. Mark this post as helpfulYou marked this post as helpful Shaz1964 4 posts 19 August 2015 in reply to Shaz1964 Hello again , just remembered the specialist gave my husband a Centrelink form -- 3 months sickness allowance to put in ?? but my husband is worried that we wont have any customers if we put the form in , at the end of 3 months but then today he doesn`t think he wants to work anymore Thank you

[white knight]

Hi Shaz, welcome

I hope my short story will help you.

Diagnosed 12 years ago and rediagnosed 6 years ago with bipolar type 2, dysthymia and depression. Had a couple of depressive episodes so went part time 3 years ago. I was running my own one man business. Then it happened.

I went to work as usual. Got to my workplace and was alone as usual. I knew for some reason that would be the last working day of my life. I went home and told my dear wife the news. She was frantic. She didn't work. In effect she was a carer for me, to keep me afloat so we had income.

Perhaps then I got a little lucky because 3 months later we received the news we were granted the disability pension. Lucky because since then the Govt has tightened up eligibility for it.

Now back to you and your husband. This feeling he has isn't dissimilar to mine. It feels like total burnout and it leaves you with a feeling of not going anywhere near ones normal workplace. He is done- finished. He is unwell.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing. I would not have ran a business where he is the only one that can drive due to the fragility of his health issues.

Unfortunately I don't have many answers to help any further. But I stress to you to consider taking any radical steps to secure your health issues. That might include selling your business, selling your home, relocating to a more peaceful location, perhaps to reduce financial stress to trade down with your home. As I don't know all your details I'm just throwing up some possibilities.

I hope others contribute here as well.

Tony WK

[Shaz1964]

thank you for you message , so what did you do , ??

[white knight]

I was successful in getting the disability pension and retired early (57). We did not have heaps of money in superannuation.

My desire has been to eventually get into doing things at home like building rocking horses. I used to build cubby houses (laced windows, attic windows etc) but too heavy to move around. In the two years since I retired I have only just now caught up with all the things around the house that needed doing.

I've gone through many cycles of thinking I can work, then a few days after the thought I realise I'm not able to. I could never be reliable nor stable. Activities like this forum I can leave off when I like and pick it up again when I feel I can. Running my own investigation business was similar, but it required me to travel up to 3 hours to work, many hours driving during the day then 3 hours home as no one would pay for my overnight stay. I could not endure that in the end and there was stress in the job as well. It didn't matter that I'd reached the peak in my industry and was assured a workload (which was my initial challenge 13 years earlier when I started the business)....it was about mental stability.

To sum it up- I could not work and carry out the tasks of everyday living. I can now carry out the daily tasks around out house but when we go shopping my wife knows my lack of capacity to withstand crowds, heavy traffic and the like. Clearly the brain breaks down and to survive you need a number of things to fall into place and they are-

1/ cant ignore it, luck had a part to play with the DSP. The current Govt has made it much harder to get the DSP

2/ My wife and I acknowledged the severity of my illness (she also has depression)

3/ Financial stability was critical. If we could not live with relative comfort on the pension we were damned.

4/ We own our own home and its only 7 years old so future repairs are minimal. And its in the country- less stress

5/ I had to rid my life of toxic people that gave no positivity in our lives.

6/  Rearrange our daily routine. It now includes- grow a large vegetable garden, attend a gym every second day, eat healthy, regular GP visits, got the meds ok etc

I hope I'm not painting an easy road, it isn't. And your road is likely very different.Age and circumstances etc. What I've endeavoured to do here is to highlight the difficulties and give you options.

For some they trade down and move to the country.Less stress maybe no mortgage. Hope I'm helping

Tony WK

[Shaz1964]

Thank you for your message, my Husband is 55 and I am 51 , we own our own home , but it is an older house  in the country too-- yesterday we had the day off, today we worked this morning, my husband wanted to do more work but I said it might be too much so we went home for lunch and then he slept for 4 hours and then he was back to bed at 8pm . thank you for the options you have given me , he is torn between wanting to take time off to do things he wants to do  and to our customers who we work for , and he wants me  to go on the DSP for my health problems but the government doesn`t think I am bad enough ,  and he is unsure what he wants to do -- DSP,/ work / time off