My husbands depression, how do I help him

[Lady_styles]

My husband has been out of work for almost 3 years due to an illness, we have been trying to get him on disability and that's been its own battle within itself.  He does not talk to me anymore about his feelings and what use to be a very romantic man is no longer there. We just had our 3 rd anniversary and not even a card. I found out just a few days ago that he has formed this friendship with a younger woman who I know. And she has had a crush on him for a while but he's sees it as a cute gesture and says I am over reacting to him talking to her 2 or 3 times a week which I knew nothing about. I don't think he has cheated but I'm not sure his mood and her intentions that it won't build to that. I told him I was the one he needed to tell his inner feelings to but he insist she like a therapist to him. He does not see this as part of his depression and him pulling away. He says that him and her both knew I would overreact and that's why they didn't say anything. I am lost with his mood swings.  Just small things I do get on his nerves and he looks at me like I'm stupid. I am afraid of what it's doing to my marriage but more afraid of what it's doing to him.  I have not one time distrusted him during our marriage but now I find that I work two jobs and while he is at home he talking to this woman. Am I wrong to be worried. He says he want to share his life with me but she seems to be getting the most right now.

[Doolhof]

Hi Lady Styles,

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thanks for sharing your story with us. It sounds like you have tried to talk to your husband about all of this. Would he agree to see a couple's counsellor with you?

Maybe you could phone Relationships Australia and see if there is someone close to you whom you could see as a couple or even by yourself.

It must be tough having to work two jobs while your husband is at home chatting with this lady. Unfortunately when people are left to their own devices, sometimes their minds and attention does stray to other people!

Have you had a chat with this other woman? There may be nothing in all of this but a friendship, but I can well understand your disappointment, hurt and questions regarding this situation.

Have you asked your husband to not contact that lady any more and if so what was his reaction? Are there any opportunities for the three of you to get together and go out for dinner or something to talk this over?

Hopefully your husband will realise how much he is hurting you at present.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[geoff]

dear Lady style, thanks for coming to the site.

What I would query is that your husband and his friend have spoken to each other about whether or not to mention anything to you, because you would overreact and rightly so, because she has taken your husband away from you.

She has had a crush on him for some time, and that would be threatening for your sake, and I would think that this would have been discussed between each other.

Whether or not he has been unfaithful is difficult to say, it's something which you will judge by yourself and how he feels and what his reaction is like and how he treats you.

I am deeply sorry that this has happened to you, and feel that the communication between you and your husband will become tense, especially when he doesn't answer the questions you need from him, and for him to talk to her while he is at home, would only make you feel left out.

If you were my sister I would suggest that he has to make a decision, does he want this marriage to survive or not.

I do appreciate that he does need someone to talk to, but someone who has had a crush on him for awhile would make me worry. L Geoff. x