Boyfriend with anxiety packed up and left

AnnieN · ‎30-06-2015

We have been together for almost 9 months, lived together for 7 months of that. I have never had a love like this. And he said he felt the same. He was always so affectionate, planning our lives together. We have had a few arguments and always found a way through them. Last night we had an argument and he said he was going to leave. I broke down, he said he didnt know why he said it, he loved me. Then today I try to text him while he is at work and he didnt reply all day. Then I get a message saying he has packed all his things and left. That he can't be with me anymore. He loves me but isn't in love with me. I just don't understand how we can go from such an affectionate passionate love to packing up and leaving. He said he can't feel love, he doesn't love his brother or his mother. He told me to leave him alone. I love him so much I am so lost. I really don't know what to do. Could it be that he just needs some time, is it just the anxiety?

pipsy · ‎01-07-2015

Hi AnnieN. You were only together 2 months before you moved in together. It sounds as though he's panicked. Maybe even though he says he loves you, he isn't in love with you, just the idea. There are many ways we love, there's being 'in love', heart-thumping, can't wait to be together. Maybe the love he feels for you is more friendship type love. He obviously isn't ready to fully commit and maybe wants 'time out' to re evaluate what he does want. I think you are going to have to respect his wishes and leave him to sort himself out. The more you invade his 'space' the more he's going to resent you. I think under the circumstances, he's done the right thing, move out before he hurts you. The first rosy glow of love has burnt out (for lack of another way of putting it), whatever the situation is with his family, that's up to him. I think you're going to have to 'move on' with your life. If he does contact you, don't push him in any way. If you do, you'll push him away again. I'm sorry for your hurt, but best you get hurt now than wait till there's children or marriage etc. Things get really messy with children, marriage. He got out before too much damage was done.

If you felt the same way he does, you would want 'space' too. Don't try to analyse him, just accept he's gone.

AnnieN · ‎02-07-2015

I know I have to move on. I just can't stop thinking about how suddenly it went wrong. When we first met I didn't want a relationship and he did. He pushed and swept me up in it. I'm just struggling to understand how someone who told me I was the love of his life and told me how he wanted to marry me and have children with me when he has never wanted that before. Can suddenly up and leave. I know he would get low from time to time but he always came out of it, I really never saw this coming.

pipsy · ‎02-07-2015

Dear AN. I know how hard it is for you to understand and how painful to realize that everything you hoped for and dreamed of is gone. As I said before, I think he just panicked and left before he could hurt you anymore. Try not to dwell on what's happened. I know it's hard not to analyse, but the more you try and figure out the why's and wherefore's, the more hurt you're going to feel. Maybe one day he might get in touch and explain why he left, but if he doesn't, unfortunately, you have to chalk it up to experience. Maybe when he first met you, he did want what he said, but men don't always think before they speak. Sometimes they say what they think we want to hear. Then they realize they shouldn't have said what they said and they 'cut' and run. I personally feel you're better off without him. If he 'cuts' and runs without reason or explanation every time there's an argument or disagreement he could never fully commit anyway.

You will get past this, I promise.