Boyfriend is Denying His Depression?

[Harriet95]

Hi everyone and thank you for clicking on my question. I desperately need advice. My boyfriend has been showing all of the signs of depression for a few months now, he seems to be so down in the dumps all the time, I don't see him smile much anymore, he always comes home from work feeling bad and when I ask him whats wrong, he says that he just has a head ache or hes tired but i know him well enough to know that hes down. He tells me he has a "head ache" basically every day and its so frustrating  that he wont just tell me he feels down. The only time I see him smile is when hes around his friends, which makes me feel crap because I'm just trying everything I can to make him happy but I cant. I asked him how come I cant make him happy but his friends can and he told me that he's faking it around his friends. I just want him to confess that hes unhappy so we can get him help but you cant help someone who doesn't want help. Its really frustrating and starting to bring me down with him and I feel like any day I'm just going to snap because I feel so frustrated that nothing I do helps. I'm so lost and I dont know how to help him. please give me advice. I'm desperate. Thank you

[geoff]

dear Harriet, thanks for posting.

People in denial and this included myself back in the early days of my depression, obviously refuse to accept the fact that they do have anything wrong except for the fact that they aren't feeling well, and believe that what they do say to someone is that they won't believe them, so they keep quiet.

And when I say 'they' this includes me.

He is putting on a mask or a fake face when he's with his mates, because depression is still recognised as a weakness, and if he told his mates they would just say 'no your not, your just having an off day' and would probably laugh at him, so on comes the mask.

I would click onto 'resources' at the top and order the 'printed material' from BB, it's free but will explain what and how depression affects us, just leave it laying around but I wouldn't force it on him because this would only make him dig his feet in deeper, which would mean that it's going to much harder for him to accept his depression.

This will also help you and you should go and see your GP before it's too late for yourself, and when I say this it's not meant to be in way to upset you, but you have to be stable to help him when he recognises that he does have depression, and this will happen, time wise it all depends.

Please get back to us. L Geoff. x

[Purple_Monkey_Dishwasher]

Hello Harriet95,

I am so sorry that you are going though this. I'm in the same sort of situation as you my friend. My husband suffers from depression and another woman is involved. This has been going on for about 10 months now , until I snapped on Friday . I told him to go away for the weekend by himself and think about what he wants. And now he can't decide what he wants. 

I told him today not to come home until he decides, so I know how you must feel. It's all so tough, but your a strong person. All you can do is be there for him and listen. If you need to talk, I'm always here.

PMD xo