Bi-Polar partner left because I couldnt my frustrations which lead to anger.

Internal_Scream · ‎31-08-2015

HI All, Just signed up, so no idea what I'm doing. Hope I'm in the right place. My partner of 13 years has gone on a holiday to visit friends. I am looking after our 2 beautiful daughters whilst she is gone. Three days after leaving, she decided to tell me she was leaving me. To me, it was unexpected. I know the reason is my inability to deal with the more extreme limits of her Bi-Polar, meaning that when she become extremely manic, abusive and sometimes even violent, I wouldn't cope well at all. firstly I would start by trying to get her to calm down, which she generally didn't like because she obviously felt the need to be heard. Sometimes we could both feel the build-up of an episode" coming, but generally, she went from "normal" to "psycho" without warning. Even over simple things. Now I'm not going to pretend to be a saint because a lot of the time, I was foolish enough to return the abuse and on a few occasions, the violence. Nothing very serious, but very concerning nonetheless. Now if by some miracle she does decide to let me back into her heart, can anybody a) recommend any techniques that have worked for them to be able to remain calm and subjective in these conflict situations or b) any good organisations or professionals who have been able to give ongoing counselling or support to equip me with the tools to better deal with these situations? Thankyou in advance if you can be bothered replying to someone as low as me. I know my nic is Internal Scream, but I am going to sign off as Confused and Extremely Broken-hearted.

White_Rose · ‎31-08-2015

Dear Is

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. It's good that you have been able to write your story here.

To answer your question first, there are a number of organisations that could help you. But what you need to recognise first is that the problem is not just your partner's. Yes, she has a mental illness called Bipolar Disorder and this has all sorts of difficulties for her. It also results in difficulties for you and your daughters. You seem to have some issues with your partner and her illness so getting help to 'deal' with her also involves getting assistance for yourself.

For example, why do you react so strongly to her 'episodes'? Do they make you afraid, angry, plain fed up with the whole thing? Don't answer here. I'm probably not even asking the right questions, just trying to make a point.

I suggest you talk to your GP as the first stop. Does your partner have any professional help to manage her illness? Does she take medication? Who prescribes it? Is it possible for you to attend some therapy sessions with her? It's no good trying to do this without her knowing. When she finds out, and she will, it will make the situation more difficult.

So talk to her about what you would like to do. Tell her you want to help as much as possible and what would she like from you. Talk to your GP about options. Phone the BB helpline on 1300 22 4636 which is available 24/7.

Another suggestion is to become as informed as possible about Bipolar Disorder. BB has some information for you. Click on The Facts at the top of the page. Scroll down to Depression/Types of Depression, then scroll down the page to Bipolar Disorder. Search the other tabs. You will information for family and friends about depression and information for carers of people with mental illnesses. All this is good stuff to have in your pocket so to speak.

This is the SANE website for Bipolar. https://www.sane.org/information/factsheets-podcasts/199-bipolar-disorder
The Black Dog Institute, http://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/public/bipolardisorder/bipolardisorderexplained/
Headspace website http://headspace.org.au/get-info/bipolar-disorder/

I hope this useful. Please write in again.

Mary