Best friend with bpd and depression just attempted suicide twice

[dylhole]

I guess this is the correct place to post this.

My best friend (19f) has been diagnosed with BPD and depression for a long time, has been hospitalised before but it was before we reconnected and got so close. She has a history of self harm and is a dangerous mix of anorexic and bolemic when shes at her lowest. Unbeknownst to me on tuesday night after having a very normal conversation she attempted to take her own life, was hospitalised and released to go back home. She told me 2 days later after going AWOL she was hospitalised but I didnt fully comprehend why, she said she was ok and if anything I was glad she was still here. A couple hours later she then attempted her life again and is now locked in a hospital psych ward. On sunday night we spoke about me struggling to see the point and needing to start working towards getting better which I have neglected for too long which is entirely true. I just hope to god I havnt been the catalyst for this with talk of hopelessness and loneliness. I think I might be in shock because I feel no different to any other normal day. My best friend has tried to leave this world twice in the span of 2 days and Im not feeling anything. Im going to work to be as strong for her as possible and id like any tips on trying to be constructive or helpful when im drawing blanks trying to find anything to say. I just really want her to feel like shes not alone but I dont know how to do that for a person who is talking to me like they have really given up living.

Thanks in advance. You will probably be seeing me around the forums a bit in the future.

[Sophie_M]

Dear Dylhole,

Welcome to the forums, we are so grateful that you have reached out here to share your journey with us. It was very brave of you to do so and we are so sorry to hear how overwhelming these feelings are right now. It sounds like things must be really difficult to cope with, but we want you to know that this is a safe space and our community is here to provide you with as much support, advice and conversation as you need. Please know that there is always help available to you, and we have also sent you a private message to offer some additional support.

Supporting friends can be difficult which makes looking after yourself important. Have a look at https://www.beyondblue.org.au/personal-best/pillar/supporting-yourself/looking-after-yourself-while-...
 
We hope that you keep checking back in with our community to let us know how you're going, whenever you feel up to it.
 

[Croix]

Dear Dylhole~

Sophie has already greeted you here, and I'd like to join her. She has already said the most important thing which is you have your welfare inside your own control and need to make yourself as strong and able to cope as possible. If you are down you can't help others as much. And you are right, ATM you are in shock. Just accept that and keep plodding along. Sadly your BF is not inside your control, so you do what you can with you.

I would strongly suggest a long visit to your GP yourself for a physical and mental checkup - after all you are under a huge amount of stress. There is nothing worse than your BF repeatedly trying to kill herself and you lost, frightened if she will not live and not knowing what to do. You should tell your doctor all of this. Plus her eating disorder, which is very serious in its own right.

I'll mention two things, the first is that you cannot put the desire to kill themselves into someone's head by talking about it and how they feel. It is already there and you are not going to make it worse. Your presence can only help.

If you think she is in immediate danger don't hesitate, ring 000. Better she is cross with you later than not there to be cross.

The second is what to say, well basically show you are listening, that you may not understand what is in her head but can feel her pain -that's it. If your BF gets to know you have heard what she says that's good, she is not as isolated. Sometimes an opportunity will come up to get her to seek help, it's OK to try gently to persuade.

If you intend to (and I suspect you do) then say you will be around for her no matter what .

Don't try to fix. Won't work, will just make you feel a failure, plus keeping someone alive is a team effort. The people around the person, yes -a bit, their medical team, yes -a lot, and a bit from the person themselves -that's important. YOU are NOT responsible.

I'll mention a favorite of mine -the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467). They are there for people whose friends try to kill themselves as well as for those that try themselves. You can ring more than once, don't have to keep explaining, and give good advice. (you might have to wait to get on)

You have been worrying about supporting your BF, can I ask about your support? It is an awful time for you. Is there anyone you can lean on who will not judge or offer solutions, just care?

I'm looking forward to seeing you around the Forums

Croix