Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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My Bipolar man Has cut me off... advice please?

replies: 11

Hi all Well right at the moment I am completely heartbroken...here is some history:I met my man 9 months ago. We hit it off straight away, and now I am a part of his family, his life, and I love him unconditionally.He is a Leukaemia survivor: however, that gave him Graft vs Hosts disease, he has a weak immune system and has Bipolar. He told me all of this straight away. He also has 50/50 custody of his 3 beautiful children. We all get along. His kids are 7 and 9 years, he is 44 and I just turned 40. he is on lithium and sees a Psych.He is a totally BEAUTIFUL person, makes me laugh, cry, and we share a lot together. I am such a part of his life that everything is " we, and us". he lives in his own house, and I rent a unit. I do spend a lot of time over at his place, and he does love having me over. But I feel that my lack of understanding him and not knowing how to handle certain situations-and him- had ruined our relationship. now I have been reading some info about bp, and he is a classic case of repeatedly breaking off our relationship due to very menial hiccups...and I NOW know that they are not menial to him. Only this time he has completely cut me off. He sent me a break up text when I was at work, and returned my key and items to my unit. He even wrapped the gift that he gave me for my 40th up carefully in paper (the gift he got me after my birthday) He wont answer any calls or texts, his original text said he sees no future for us, and that this will be hard, but to respect his decision. I just cannot accept it. Firstly, this is the worst "break up" that we have had. I suspect that he is in a deep depression at the moment. A lot of this is due to him not seeing his kids for 3 weeks (because of holidays), which he was dreading coming up.Also, and maybe, because I got upset that he did nothing for my 40th as in no card, no present, just a photo of all 3 kids that he took that day...I got really upset, had a fight and this caused his poor 9 year old to break down and cry.The next few days were okay though. If he was going to end it, he would have done it then and there.I feel so bad, because now he is obviously hurting. The way I see it is that he still loves me, because it would be too painful to hear my voice and see my items around his house.Have I been too demanding and unfeeling?? ...realistically, I don't expect an answer to that question as you don't know me, but anyone who goes through this same thing...please, any advice?? Thanks

How to help my mother leave an abusive relationship she's financially dependent on

replies: 4

So my mum is 58 and been living with her boyfriend for a few years now. I know from visiting them and seeing them fight in person that their relationship has been problematic for a while now. Its recently been getting a lot worse though as a result of his worsening alcoholism and a combination of new medications he's been put on. He's becoming more paranoid and erratic. He has always been walking that line between just a general ass hole and an emotional abuser in the way he would speak to her, intimidate her, demand too much of her and even gaslight her on occasion, but now he's jumped way into obvious abuse territory that him attempting to physically harm her is a genuine concern of mine. Now, its worth noting that both him and my mother are physically disabled as a result of work injuries, but my mother less so, and she is more mobile and can move quicker, so I have no doubt she could take him, which is a little reassuring but that doesn't make this whole situation any less concerning. Now the main road block in her leaving him is that she has nowhere to go and no money to support herself. She got unjustly let go from her job as an aged care nurse about maybe a year ago (she was injured on the job and they proceeded to fire her for being unable to do heavy duties as a result- she was unsuccessful in getting compensation outside of small insurance company payments that wouldn't even come close to supporting her) and our extended family (her brother and sisters and their spouses) aren't the sort to offer help. I'm currently unemployed (which is driving me insane) and living on Newstart so I can't even afford my own expenses most of the time let alone be able to offer significant help to her. I also live about seven hours away and live with housemates so I don't even have a place for her to easily get away to and stay, which, given that this is my mother, feels awful. To top it off, she doesn't have access to her super (she's explained to me why but ngl I'm a little too stupid to understand it all), and she doesn't qualify for Centrelink for some reason, hence she doesn't have access to any extra support they offer. I don't know what can be done here. My mum suffers from depression and physical disabilities and is without access to an substantial income. Hey partner is getting more and more abusive and is using her financial dependency on him against her. What can be done to help her? Is there something I'm missing? Advice is much appreciated. Thanks.

Help! Feeling guilt over partner's depression.

replies: 2

Hi all! I need some advice. My partner (38 m) moved in with myself and my kids 8 months ago and over the past couple of months it has been apparent he is depressed. He has never lived with kids before and struggled to adjust to family life but has tried really hard. As I am a uni student he is the sole income earner and he is often frustrated with the lack of money, time, and space for peace. We have discussed it often and he has told me he chooses to be here and make those sacrifices because he loves me. In other conversations he has told me how much he is disheartened and depressed about having little money, little free time to study, and very little quiet time. I feel guilty because if he didn't come to live with us he wouldn't be having these problems and wouldn't be depressed (he has explicitly said that they are the source of his depression). Two weeks ago he told me that he was feeling suicidal, that he couldn't see any other way to make his situation better. I have encouraged him to seek help, which he is doing this week, and have been checking in with him every day to see if he is suicidal. he has told me that since he realised the depression was making him see death as the only way out he has been able to combat those thoughts. I feel that he is so unhappy about these circumstances that are essentially because of me and I don't know what to do or how to deal with the guilt. Please help!

TPD claims process

replies: 4

Hi all. Hoping to get some input on my situation. A bit of background first - my husband has been suffering from depression for all his adult life and in the last few years it's been getting significantly worse. A significant source of his stress is work related. Since around August 2018 he's been on leave without pay, to try to get a break from it all. Long story short - it was helpful in the short term, but now he is facing redundancy and getting worse very quickly. He attempted suicide on New Years day while I was out with the kids. We've got 2 kids, a mortgage and I'm a school teacher. I can't support the family if he dies so this is incredibly stressful for me. Somewhat luckily, he's had a retail policy since mid 2014 which covers Life and TPD. I've been considering making helping him make a claim on the TPD since things don't look like they're getting better. I think with a successful claim, it would give our family the financial breathing space needed to focus on dealing with his issues - e.g. I could afford to take time off work and be with him. I'm completely clueless as to the process - and I feel I won't get much help from him in his current state. Can anyone shed some light onto the process? One specific worry I have is I remember when we applied, we were careful to make sure mental illness was included in both Life and TPD so we had to try several insurers until we found one. He already disclosed his medicare claims history and PBS history at time of application, but I'm worried the insurers will ask for clinic notes from his GP - he visited many in order to get mental health care plans - some notes have words like 'depression' and 'anxiety' in them, while at the time he was not officially diagnosed so we made it clear to the insurer he was never professionally diagnosed with these conditions, at time of application. We didn't think to request all clinic notes from various GPs and email the insurer too at the time of application - could this ruin the claim, or am I overthinking it? Thank you all in advance.

My ex girlfriend now is suffering some sort of mental illness

replies: 1

My ex girlfriend and I were dating for well over a year, we've had our ups and downs like all relationships, but it wasn't until recently when she told me that she no longer thinks she can do this and broke it off but we are going to stay close friends. She told me that she doesn't think that she can be what I need and that she loves me but doesn't love herself. She told me she needs time to work on herself and fix her problems. She has told me she's going to councilers to sort this out but she hasn't told me exactly what she has and what the exact problem is. I've told her that I'm here for her if she needs me. I love this girl with all my heart but I don't know how to really help her through it because she doesn't want to put me through all her suffering and pain, she says that's not fair on me. But I don't care, I've told her I don't care that it may not be fair on me. I want to help her through it. And I don't want to stay just as friends it hurts so bad being friends but not together. But I understand that she needs time and I am willing to give that to her. Any suggestions or anything?

Husbands anxiety creating constant stress and negativity in our house. Need advice.

replies: 3

Hi all, my husband and I have two young kids (4 year old and 17 month old) and our relationship is in a really bad place currently, which in a big part is due to his anxiety and constant negativity. I am worried the effect it’s having on our kids- he snaps at them so easily (mainly the four year old) and is literally constantly complaining. I want to support him and be there for him but when he talks badly to myself and the kids it just makes me dispise him and want to run (with my kids) for the hills. I need basic care and respect and he really struggles to provide that. He is a good father and husband in many other ways. But since going off his medication (he wants to try and get by without it) things have just gone backwards to significantly and I just don’t know if I can push through much longer. Literally the only thing that is holding me back at the moment is the fact that he makes all the money as I’m yet to return to work. I am trying to start my own business and find another job on the side but it’s taking time. I feel that if I was financially able to support myself and the kids I would probably leave. I know it sounds terrible and I really do want to help him, but it’s come to a point now where I feel suffocated and that myself and the kids deserve a calm, happy, peaceful life. Any advice or just words of wisdom would be so much appreciated. I’m starting to feel down every day now because of his mood and it just can’t go on like this.

Is my husband a high functioning borderline?

replies: 13

I am only new to this. After 35 years of marriage it was our grown kids that finally suggested their father may have borderline personality. But the stereotypical borderline seems to be a female who threatens suicide frequently and whose life is unravelling my husband has managed to run a successfulbusiness albeit with lots of ups and downs and dramas and very few staff who have stayed for long periods he does not self harm unless you count overeating leading to obesity and consequent health problems he is good at talking to people in most situations but it is in close relationships where he runs into difficulties he struggles to listen or understand what I or the kids are saying exprapolating any criticism to mean that we are saying he is a bad person and that any good he has done is thereby negated People are either good or bad with little room for a middle ground his mood can change with one small thing that happens or something someone says that may not have been meant for harm and he can be upset for days and hold onto that hurt for months or forever i feel like I am always trying to prevent things or people from upsetting him but it is an impossible task while he has never hit me his words feel like they do His blow ups at the kids when they were younger have had long lasting effects which he doesn't really understand saying he was a good father to them Mostly he left dealing with them to me as his own childhood experience of discipline amounted to physical and mental abuse But every so often he would intervene and the result usually felt out of control but everything is my fault for not showing him enough love and for siding with the kids on occasion He likes to use the word always and never a lot when it comes to me thereby negating whatever effort I have made to do what makes him happy he is jealous if I pay attention or do anything for someone else When they were younger it was the kids Now it is my work or any outside interest or cause I might contribute to when I got up the courage to tell him about borderline he was at first receptive as it felt like it explained some things he didn't understand about his own behaviour and reactions But then when his GP who has only seen him a couple of times dismissed the whole idea as improbable he quickly agreed saying every psychologist he had seen said there was nothing wrong with him Are there higher functioning borderlines? Could he be one of them?

My 10 year old is having suicidal thoughts!

replies: 1

Hi guys, I'm new here and just thought I would jump on and see if anyone else out there is having similar problems. My 10 year old daughter has Sensory processing disorder which is not a recognized disorder here in Australia so shegets no help for that, unspecified anxiety disorder and also now possibly depression. I am not surprised by this given what she has to deal with on a daily basis. She is medicated for her Anxiety which was the hardest decision I ever made, she was on them for 6 months before we weaned her off them to see how she would go. Within a month I could see her mood change and she became withdrawn, I suggested she go back on her medication which she declined. A few weeks ago she broke down and told me she thinks about killing herself and also has thoughts of self harm. She was carrying around something to self-harm with and her brother took it off her because he was scared for her! I had no idea and I feel like shit about it. I forced her back on her medication in hope that it would help, she has been back on them for almost 4 weeks and she is still thinking this way. Our GP has referred us back to the child and adolescent mental health clinic but I don't know how much help she will get there, we have been there before for her Anxiety but they basically told me there is nothing they can do and we were on our own, we are a single income family and seeing private psychologists is really expensive, she needs help and so far we've seen so many people for her other thing's and nobody seems to be able to help her. It just breaks my heart, I hope they can help this time because she desperately needs it. I don't want her to do something silly because that would destroy me and I wouldn't come out the other side. If anyone else has a child in a similar situation and can give me some guidance that would be amazing, I just feel so hopeless. I hope you all have a lovely day!

9yo daughter is experiencing severe anxiety.

replies: 11

Hi people. Thought I'd try reach out to others in a similar position, stumbled upon this site whilst researching causes and treatments for anxiety in children. Think it's awesome that our great country has services such as this, and I'm confident that joining these forums can only benefit my situation and possibly provide some insightful advice from those already dealing with a young child suffering severe anxiety. My step daughter is 9 years old and unfortunately is not coping very well at the moment. I completed the online survey and received a very high score, I have no doubt she is suffering from severe anxiety and needs as much love, reassurance and help possible from me and her mother right now, but a little unsure as to wheather or not we should seek medical advice just yet. Her natural father has never been able to control his anger or emotions in front of her since the separation from her mother over 5 years ago. It has gradually gone from bad to worse to now extreme, and despite my every effort to respect his position as her father, I have supported and helped my partner to recently take out an intervention order against him, and suspend all contact with his daughter. As expected the long term stress experienced, with the current turmoil and fear caused by her own biological fathers actions has sent my step daughter into a wild rollercoaster ride of emotions. I'm trying my very best to provide the love and support required, whilst bearing in mind that I am her step father and have to be very careful how I proceed in providing a full time fathers role to her in his absence. Her mother and I have a 3 year old child together, and are currently planning our marriage whilst also saving a deposit for a house. This whole situation is far from ideal, but despite my best efforts to avoid the inevitable, her father has caused an enormous amount of distress and has placed strain on the whole family, including grandparents and extended loved ones. But we have a very close family unit with good communication and our main concern is the emotion effect it is causing my step daughter. The symptoms of anxiety are all there, and recently she has been complaining of physical chest pains. A late night trip to the emergency department was inconclusive and the doctor believes it's possible stress/anxiety is the cause. We are all very concerned for her health, but not sure how best to treat the situation and proceed. Has anybody here been through similar?

My mother is in denial about depression

replies: 6

Hi, My mother was diagnosed with depression 6 years ago, and has been on the same dose of medication since then. My whole family has realised alot of signs of her depression getting bad again and i have bought it up that maybe she needs help but she is in denial. She gets very defensive and very angry and believes my whole family is selfish. She doesn't see the way she is towards everyone and that she is hurting everyone around her but believes its the other way around and that we are speaking to her badly or are angry at her when we aren't. We all thought we were in the wrong and that we were making her unhappy but realised that we all feel the same and haven't done anything. My question is how do we help her when she doesn't believe she needs it? I know you have to want to help yourself as ive suffered with depression myself. But she strongly believes she is fine when we know she's not. We are all at breaking point. How do we make her realise this isn't how she is meant to feel? That she needs to talk to someone? Everytime its bought up she gets angry but she has never actually spoken to anyone about it apart from taking medication. How do you talk to someone about getting help?

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

My Bipolar man Has cut me off... advice please? replies: 11

How to help my mother leave an abusive relationship she's financially dependent on replies: 4

Help! Feeling guilt over partner's depression. replies: 2

TPD claims process replies: 4

My ex girlfriend now is suffering some sort of mental illness replies: 1

Husbands anxiety creating constant stress and negativity in our house. Need advice. replies: 3

Is my husband a high functioning borderline? replies: 13

My 10 year old is having suicidal thoughts! replies: 1

9yo daughter is experiencing severe anxiety. replies: 11

My mother is in denial about depression replies: 6