Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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Asperger’s And Relationships

replies: 6

Hello. My partner and I have been together for almost 5 years. We’ve been doing long distance for most of that time. We’ve recently started looking at rental properties and sorting ourselves to move in together. I got a job 3 months ago up where he and his family live. I’ve basically been living in his family’s home with him for the last 3 months. We’ve had a few issues previously where little things may trigger him and he wants to separate because he can’t deal with it. Usually after a few days or a couple of weeks he’s ready to talk and wishes to still be together. This is occurring again. Although this time I think I’m understanding it more as it could be his mild Asperger’s which has never actually been discussed in depth. A few psychologists mentioned it but he didn’t go back. Right now I’m back in my family’s home, waiting to hear from him. Sometimes I feel like I won’t hear from him again and other times I feel like I will. I think my main reason for this post is to see if anyone else has a partner with Asperger’s or if you are the partner with Asperger’s, and how do you deal with it? How do you move forward together in life when your partner may not like change? I miss him a lot. Ive packed all my things up that were in his house as if I’m not going back. I’m very worried that this is the end as I don’t want it to be. Some people tell me it’s not healthy for me as he’s so up and down sometimes. The last 6 months have been great and his depression and anxiety were almost non existent. Then suddenly he tells me he doesn’t see a future together, doesn’t see us getting married etc. Any help would be great - thank you puppies

Caring for family’s mental health is ruining my own.

replies: 3

Hi, I’m new to forums and just need to get this out of my head and into words. My husband began to have episodes of severe anxiety a few years ago. He sees his GP often and a psychologist intermittently and is on a medication, but recently his anxiety has become worse and he has been suffering with depression. It’s excruciating seeing him in pain and not able to understand why he is feeling like he is. He has said that he has had thoughts of hurting himself which terrify him and myself. He wants to get help but I think that when things calm down and he feels better he lets it slide until the next time he begins feeling worse again. I am also caring for a younger brother who is struggling with a narcotic addiction. Our parents are not close to us and a large part of his care has fallen to me. It’s been the most tiring experience when someone I love dearly is In the grips of an addiction. Everything he says to me is a manipulation or nasty and I feel as though I have lost my baby brother for ever. Being the support for my husband who just seems to be getting worse and my brother who constantly pushes me away is so tiring. I have my own struggles with OCD, anxiety and depression, and I feel so overwhelmed and I feel as though I don’t know how to take care of myself when my immediate impulse is to care more for those around me. I don’t want to add my own problems to my husbands for fear he will worry about telling me when he is really low and try to keep it to himself. I just feel as though I’m slipping through cracks of my own mental health. Its very tiring.

Supporting teenager with depression- helping her to set boundaries with friends

replies: 8

Hi all, I have a 13 year old daughter who has had a past history of anxiety and a year ago was diagnosed with depression. She has always had a large circle of friends but this has decreased in numbers as groups have segregated in smaller cliques. My daughter has confided in a few of them and has recently discovered that secrets have been shared. Her friends have no insight into depression and often tell her she has nothing to be upset about because "her life is perfect". My daughter is on a roller coaster and peer relationships are so important that she is reluctant to set boundaries in fear of losing her friends and being alone. Some of the things these girls are saying is appalling and I find it very difficult not to insist that she doesn't see or communicate with them. Anyone going through the same things and have any advice?

Husbands anxiety/depression isn't improving

replies: 2

Hi all, I have been with my husband for 9 years and we have a 3 year old child together. After the birth of our son he was diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression. Prior to that he had seen a psychogist with some success but he only attended a few sessions. He is on medication but that has had its ups and downs with side effects ranging from being physically ill to low sex drive which he really struggles with. I feel like he is slipping again. Our GP has discussed how he was doing okay but he would ideally like to see a lift in his happiness and wellbeing not merely a stable average point, he has also encouraged him to seek counselling etc but my husband won't. When I try to broach this topic he gets angrg and defensive. When I try to ask how he feels about his medication he just shrugs it off and disengages. He started his own business but it has died off. I explained if he isn't contributing to our family financially I do not feel negatively about that, but do expect him to contribute around the home. He doesnt. I am exhausted. I work full time, am the only one who takes our son out anywhere, I do all the household work... I am at the point of total exhaustion. I just want some engagement from him, some sign he wants to be present with our little family. I get nothing except shutdown and arguments which are getting more cold, detached and hurtful. I know I can't do the work for him but I am struggling with him not wanting to do the work for himself. I have explained how I feel but when I do he says I am attacking him and he feels hurt and abused. I don't think I have used language that portrays it in that way, but he makes me doubt myself so I have stopped saying anything. But as we all know it gets bottled up and explodes and both of us makes zero sense of anything. I don't want to break up our family, I am also very stubborn. I just don't know what to do from here. Any advice is much appreciated, thank you in advance.

Overwhelmed & Falling Asleep

replies: 3

Help please! looking for some help my husband has anxiety, it started a few years back when he use to throw up his food, he would get anxiety that we were leaving the house and that he won’t be close to a toilet so he would throw up prior to leaving. I have been saying to him for a couple of years that he has anxiety. His finally admitted that he did have eating disorder. Currently on anti-anxiety medication. He gets so overwhelmed with the day that anywhere between 4-6pm he turns into what I call “moods” where basically he looks, sounds and acts drunk. His eyes are glassy, can’t walk straight and slurs his words. He struggles to stay awake and I have to put him to bed each night. Maybe once a week he can stay up until 9pm. Within 1-2 hrs of him being asleep he “wakes” up to go to the toilet. Basically like sleep walking and talking, he can’t manage to make out anything. He yells and screams, if I get angry with him he will try and talk to me, his called me all sorts of names and even pushed me to the ground, has no recalection of anything the next morning. His gone to a psychiatrist a few times but it doesn’t seem to help. I’m over dealing with him basically being a baby or drunk person that I have to deal with every night.

How do I help my brother serious mental illness?

replies: 3

Hi all I’ll try to describe the situation and keep it short and concise. My brother has been battling depression/mental health from the age of 17 (as to what I can tell). He is now 33. He was a talented, popular, life of the party, good looking bloke, a ‘natural’ at all board sports and a great musician. He finished high school at the age of 17 then completed a 4 year Electrical apprenticeship. Toward the end of the apprenticeship the early signs of low self esteem were beginning. Always doubting himself, asking family members if he 'was an idiot' or 'sounded like a dickhead’. He completed the apprenticeship but has not worked since. Lives with my parents in the same bedroom he grew up in. His daily routine is this: sleep until midday, drink 1 litre of coffee, go back to his room, closed the door, closed the blinds until dark. Once complete darkness, he takes the family dogs for a walk for 1 hour. Sometimes taking a skateboard with him. Then eats dinner that my mother cooks by himself in his room. He has a tablet with wifi. But other than that I cannot get into the room (he locks it) to see what else it in there. He never goes out in public. He rarely talks to my parents. I feel like my parents are “enabling” him to continue this down this path. They feel that he is going to “snap out of it” one day and that is all that can be done. They provide him kind of healthy food, fuel, a car and free rent. He is incredibly skinny almost malnourished. He has not communicated with me in years, despite my calls, txts & emails. I have been to multiple mental health facilities here in Australia over the years to see what can be done. I have been told that unless he is physically hurting himself or others there is legally nothing that I can do. I feel it has been long enough and some drastic change has to occur, eg get the men in the white coats to forcibly remove him to a mental health facitliy. Whether or not that is a good idea, I am not sure. I have been living in a different city and overseas, but try to visit as much as I can. Has anyone else been in this situation and is there anything I can do to help? Thank you

New and just feeling overwhelmed with pressure

replies: 3

Hi I’m a mum of 3 beautiful child age 5,2 & 10 months I mainly came on this as I’m just feeling very overwhelmed & unsupported, my main thing is I feel anixous, guilty I overthink, I feel like a bad mother, a bad wife & I bottle it all up, my parents live in Ireland my husband and his mum dad really great people but any talk of emotion they go silent. i haven’t slept a full night in 10 months, my 10 month old wakes up 2-5 times a night, my 5 year old sets the bed once most nights & my 2 year old wakes for the day at 5am, i do do feel the lack of sleep is having a huge effect on my mental health, my husband goes to martial arts classes a few a week and is now talking about playing 5 aside for 2 hours, I really am always so supportive as he gets depressed and need to be social & his passion is martial arts, I’m always the strong one giving positive advise, he’s got a fear of becoming sick so I’m forever reassuring him he’s ok, I get up early 9 times out of 10 so he can have a rest as I feel he’s less grumpy if he gets the extra hour or 2. he wants me to try and make money on the side so he invested in a few things for me to sell but honestly I feel useless as I just don’t feel very confident or focused,I think I’ve just came to breaking point, I started a gym a few weeks back and it’s a lovely environment but even when I’m up doing yoga I feel guilty for leaving them in the crèche? My youngest just cries as one time I let him in when he was napping and he woke to me not being there so since he roars going in. my husband has Ben sick for a few days and his complaining has really gotten to me as he complains a lot and doesn’t go to the drs, so I have been off with him so today he says he needs to talk to me & tells me I need to go back to the way I was before my mum & dad visited back in March, he said I need to get more organised I took this really bad as I literally can’t get my head to get enough to focus on anything other than feeding our household doing the washing cleaning school run park dates and bits in between my children are always well presented with full bellies and I try my best to make their days fun, this was like a huge slap in the face, I felt like why can’t he just give me a hug and ask am I ok? Anyway my response was hot headed I told him he needed to stop moping about too he said he’s not ok with me like this that he can’t be ok that I have to be the level headed one. so basically I have to always be strong? I’m lost

Brother with unipolar mania

replies: 8

Hi I am writing because I am at loss about a situation going on in my family. My brother 7 years ago during a difficult period of exams became very mentally ill with something that was at the time diagnosed as severe anxiety by a psychiatrist. He was anxious about several things including exams, relationship and social situations and had all sorts of sudden aspirations that didn't fit with the general picture of what he wanted to do with his life until this episode. He was very non-functional and couldn't really hold a conversation. I think he took some relatively minor anxiety medication at the time. For the past 7 years he has been totally fine to my knowledge. However, after coming back from a trip overseas/maybe during the trip he developed something similar which, by a different psychiatrist, has been diagnosed as mania. He believes what happened 7 years ago was also mania and not anxiety. He does not have depression, only mania, and it was triggered by some worries he had about his trip overseas. I go to college in a different state and only came home to find this out last night. He was acting very strangely, only wanted to speak to me in Spanish (our mother tongue which we both speak much more poorly than English), and said things that were just altogether strange. Many things I tried to talk to him about (just basic things/making conversation) he said we needed to put a pin on as though it was information overload. It is honestly like speaking with a different person/like trying to look after a child. He is usually very logical and to the point but now he is saying strange things, constantly nervous/on edge it seems and apparently just the excitement of me returning home made him unable to sleep all night even despite heavy tranquilizers. He apparently has also been frantically writing his thoughts down all the time so that they don't escape... He is currently on anticonvulsants for the mania, and the psych says it should get better with time but that they take weeks to act. I can only really find information on bipolar on the web, but my brother seems to be in a permanent manic state. It's honestly like he is a totally different person. I love my brother and want to support him in any way possible, but I am really at a loss about how to act or what will make him better/worse because I have never even heard of unipolar mania and I don't know what will/won't help. I am also really confused about whether this will be a lifelong thing for him

My dad has depression and takes it out on my mum

replies: 1

I’m 16 and My dad has struggled with depression for about 8 months, but over the past few months it’s gotten really bad. He has distanced himself from my mum and when she tries to help he yells and swears at her. She can’t leave him because she wants to try and help him but she keeps saying she doesn’t know how much more she can take. The doctors recently prescribed him some stronger anti-depressants but it made him sick so he has stopped taking them all together. Sometimes, actually quite often I will be in my room and I can hear them screaming at each other, he tells her she is an embarrassment and is a sh** wife. But the thing is he drinks a lot, his doctors have told him the medication won’t work with the amount of alcohol he drinks but he can’t and won’t stop drinking, which makes everything worse. My biggest concern is my mum, she is so beautiful and does everything for us, I know she wants to leave him but she still loves him and wants to take of him and doesn’t want to tare a family apart. This afternoon I walked into the kitchen and she was just standing there crying, I want to help both of them but I don’t know how to. Dad doesn’t like going and seeing people because he thinks it’s a waste of time. I also have a younger sister and I don’t know how she’s coping. Often he lies in bed and sleeps or he’s on the bed drinking and watching rugby, he never helps around the house and when mum asks for help he tells her to do it herself or gives an excuse. I don’t know what to do anymore

Very Lost

replies: 1

Hi I am a single father of two with full custody and very little or no family depending on how you view it. I met my partner 9 months ago. I fell in love with her not her disorder and sometimes it is really hard to differentiate. I love her but I am tired and I feel like I am now a father to 3 but I care for her immensely. Some days are ok and others quite frightening. she does not have family either and at the very least will have my support indefinitely whether we are together or not. The part I am struggling with is what parts of her are her and what parts are the bipolar. I am scared for her and do not want my children to feel loss again if I can help it. I have already seen the mania and depression but I am getting confused as I do not have anyone to gauge my response's off or her behaviour. She is a person with feelings and wants and needs and deserves the very best in life. I want that for her and to give her the very best of me so she can be free to live without being isolated and marked as dangerous

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Asperger’s And Relationships replies: 6

Caring for family’s mental health is ruining my own. replies: 3

Supporting teenager with depression- helping her to set boundaries with friends replies: 8

Husbands anxiety/depression isn't improving replies: 2

Overwhelmed & Falling Asleep replies: 3

How do I help my brother serious mental illness? replies: 3

New and just feeling overwhelmed with pressure replies: 3

Brother with unipolar mania replies: 8

My dad has depression and takes it out on my mum replies: 1

Very Lost replies: 1