Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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Confused Carer

replies: 3

Hello, I wasn't even sure I wanted to post on here but here goes nothing... My partner and I are mid twenties, living together in a tiny bed sit apartment, the reason I'm mentioning our apartment is because we don't have much personal space anymore. Now, I have been diagnosed and medicated for depression, anxiety, PTSD and ADD for roughly ten years, seeing councillors regularly and my GP and a Psychologist, this works for me and has for most of the time I've been having issues. My partner on the other hand suffers from depression, anxiety,regular suicidal thoughts and ADHD but will not see anyone. He medicates by smoking, drinking energy drinks and playing video games. He has seen a councillor but argued with him as my partner is incredibly stubborn and set in his ways, the councillor ended up dropping him and we called a crisis team and they said they've known my partner for 15 years and because he's not actually done anything to hurt himself (he bought something to help him hurt himself after his councillor dropped him) they could and would do nothing. I guess what I'm asking is, how can I get him motivated to get help, he keeps telling me he 'wants me to find a new man that can take care of me' (I work full time and have the entire relationship, as he doesn't have a mental health care plan in place he has not held down a job for more than a few months before quitting, getting fired or they just stop rostering him). All I want to do is help him, I've been where he is and I got through it with a lot of help. I'm trying to make positive changes in our lives (better food, more exercise etc) but it's difficult when he just doesn't want to do anything, he doesn't want to die but he isn't sure he has much left in him to keep him alive. I'm just stressed and confused and need some suggestions really, he isn't a lazy person, and he's really sweet and generally a great guy, but he just won't look after his mental health and I don't know what to do anymore.

Depressed partner left because he doesn't want to hurt me anymore

replies: 6

We have been together for almost 5 years but he broke up with me 2 weeks ago. He started showing signs of depression since the end of December, 2018 when his dad moved in with him. His dad's an alcoholic and has been giving him and his family a hard time since he was a kid. He moved out to live with his dad but he told me just a day before he was moving out which left me frustrated, lonely and overwhelmed so we would have arguments occasionally, however he was patient with me. His depression started getting bad after a month of moving in with his dad, I initially didn't understand what was going on and would get mad at him whenever he picked a fight with me. I would suggest things to help him but he would take it the wrong way and try to argue instead which frustrated me more. But then he would apologise later for lashing out and I would apologise too. I asked him to move back in with me with his dad and that we would take care of things together and I even offered to help him with his debts. He would say he didn't want to burden me with his problems. He wouldn't sleep or eat and always told he hated everything and everyone and that he didn't care about anything anymore. I tried to be as supportive as I could. We would meet once every week as his dad needed more attention. He started texting me less and I felt ignored which I argued over with him but he mentioned that he didn't want to talk to anyone so I gave him some space and told him to take his time. Things were going okay until he found out his department was closing down and people started getting fired. Fortunately they kept him but he got worse and I told him to look on the bright side that he still has a job but he said he didn't see any worth. He stopped meeting me but came over to surprise me for my birthday and didn't meet until after a month. I tried to be patient with him but at times I would get frustrated too and share my frustrations with him which would trigger him so I tried not to bring it up. He started ignoring my messages 2 weeks before our break up but he would still text his friends. He would just reply with a single word but I stayed patient until I couldn't take it. I confronted him and he broke up with me saying he didn't feel anything and that he was jerk for hurting me. He mentioned getting mad at everyone and not just me and told me to focus my energy on my career and not him but just last week he blamed me for everything. I'm just very confused and keep blaming myself too.

How do I get help for my wife who has anasognosia

replies: 3

Hi all, my wife is probably suffering from anasognoia, which I undertand is akin to a broken brain and hence my wife has no insight into her mental health condition. She has had thsi fror well over 10 years and I have been unable to get help for her, depsite her G.P telling her she needs to have a mental health assessment. Naturally, if she doesn't think she has a mental health problem she shall not seek help. My wife, thinks things are happening that are not, such as people spying on her, cameras being installed in the TV and Air Conditioner spying on her, someone living in the roof etc. So it seems as though she may have paranoia including delusions etc, possibly even schizophrenia. Its been pretty difficult living like this for myslelf and my 3 kids. It's really tested my levels of frustration and self control and of coure made life extremmely challenging for my wife. I love her dearly. I recenly discovered a framework for helping someone like my wife, who may suffer from anasognosia, come to receive treatment, via the LEAP institute in USA. I have read their book, "Im not sick, I don't need a Doctor" , which outlines the LEAP process. (Listen reflectively, Empathise, Agree, Partner). Whilst there are some online training tools on their website, mainly videos, and the book is very helpful, I would really love to attend face to face training in this approach. The courses however are only held in USA. Has anyone had experience with this LEAP approach and are there any LEAP trained professionals in Australia, as I understand LEAP also condust train the trainer courses for mental health professionals. Also, are there any other similar approaches that may help my wife come to agree to have tretament even though it is impossible for her to be aware that she has a mental helath issue. Kind regards. Kicker

Rock and a hard plACe

replies: 6

Hi I am new to this so please forgive me it may get a bit lost. I am a friend/partner who is trying to help someone with chronic anxiety. He relys on me being there for him and it really is a lot harder than it sounds. My friend has addictions to alcohol and drugs which he is now withdrawaling from and it has created chronic anxiety which is testing me atm. I am trying to understand but like him it doesn't happen overnight. I'm still not sure if our relationship will continue a lot has happened and there is still a fair amount of anger from him towards my family which I struggle to accept. This anxiety is such a roller coaster and there seems to be a lot of blame from him to me, is this normal? He was in jail over Easter and now there is an IVO order to stop family violence, I am trying to help him but when u get constant strikes towards you and your family it's difficult to maintain that help. I have distant myself from him atm but he is now attacking me for not being there to help. Dambed if u do, dambed if u dnt. He has been ordered to attend counselling and other organizations, which he is trying but been shoved aside due to the history I think. He has started with the sessions but has severe attacks and breaks down in a mess, can't handle being in public places which is turning this anxiety into a rage or a blubbering mess. Thank you for listening.

Partner in denial about depression

replies: 2

Hi all, First time posting so bare with me. I’m reaching out to get some advice on how to respectfully convince my partner (together for almost 10 years with 4 children together) to speak to someone about his depression. It wasn’t always obvious, when we met he was romantic, out going, cool and so caring. Our first child he was an amazing father and still is very dedicated but by our third and fourth he has become less hands on or wanting to be involved. I guess I’ve always known that he has ‘issues’ as he had an upbringing no one deserves in my eyes- no steady relationship with his mum, witnessed her be abused, was abused by her, was sent away to his real dad at 17 who he had never met in another country and the only real love he felt I believe was from his grandpa who sadly passed away last year- which is why I think it has reached a point that he NEEDS to get help as it has changed him and it is hurting our family. The problem is that he doesn’t seem to want help or he is too ashamed to speak to someone. I’ve offered to go with him or not if he prefers, I’ve pleaded but he just won’t make the first step. He denies it only when he drinks, which isn’t too much at the moment, is when he opens up and let’s his pain out which always leads back to his childhood. I need him to do something because he becomes this mean person sometimes and is unhappy where he doesn’t want to work and our family is suffering. I have taught myself to be mentally strong and know that when he is snappy or lets out words of frustration (which could be verbal abuse, has never physically abused me) it is a reflection of his own pain but I think to myself if it gets worse what sort of life is this for our family. I get very emotional thinking of the pain he has endured and I want him to get help so he doesn’t hurt us. Any advice from those who have been in this sort of situation is much appreciated. Thank you.

Advice for dealing with depression

replies: 1

Hello, I have suffered from anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember. It comes in waves. I’m not coping well right now. I’m still able to put on a smiling face at work but the weeks are exhausting. I collapse on the weekends and struggle to get out of bed. I have cut myself off from everyone. I have no social life, no friends and avoid family. I can’t seem to deal with any interaction. I feel like it is all coming to a head and I don’t know what to do. I don’t have a good GP and I’m reluctant to take medication again because it’s a short term solution. Any suggestions would be very welcomed. Louise

Help with parents that are dealing with severe health issues

replies: 1

hey all, decided to stop by as I really dont know where to go and need some help advice on how i can assit my parents who both suffer with mental health. My parents live in adelaide in retirement like centre, I live in Melbourne. My mother has been a long term sufferer of depression and anxiety, things have spiked somewhat since a diagnosis of early onset demenetia ( mum is only 67 ) Mum's relationship with my dad is so toxic, she becomes very verbally and emotionally abusive regularly. Accuses my father of doing things or going out of his way to make parts of her life problematic, what complicates things even more is cos of mum's dementia she forgets things and has created some form of alternate reality of how things play out which only exist in her mind. This means dads ability to refute any of the outlandish claims is non existent. Any form of rebuttal instantly turns into mum being verbally abusive and accusatory. Mum spends 80% of her days in bed, she is extremely socially isolated, any attempt to get out or do social activities usually ends up in mum cancelling last minute or accusing dad or FORCING her to do something against her while, which is completely rididuclous. My Dads mental health is suffering significantly because of this, when i speak to him on the phone he sounds so helpless and defeated. He has lost the ability to think independantly for himself.His whole being exists around my mother, what state she will be in when she wakes, what claim or accusation will be levelled at him next and of course taking mum to her many medical appointments. I have talked to dad about looking at putting mum into some form of respite care or getting a carer to help him but he is always resisitent gearing how mum will respond. Must recently out of nowhere she accused dad of making them move from our family home of 40 years into a retirment village, telling dad she did not want to go and he forced her against her will. Now this is so far from the truth its not funny, mum told me and my brothers many times how excited she was about moving and how she loved where she lived now. Im feeling really helpless, it does not help that i live interstate. This has gone on for many years now and I just dont know where it will end. Can somene please give me some advice of that to do. thanks for listening to my story. sorry its very jumbled, im a bit all over the place after a phone call to dad.

Dealing with aggression

replies: 2

Hello everyone, My partner was originally diagnosed bipolar1 but now his current doctor said it is Cyclothymia. I have been with him for five years and I am thoroughly exhausted. He's so demanding and he has been behaving so aggressive lately. When things go wrong, he takes it all out on me and I take it to heart which makes things worse, because he says it makes him feel guilty. I try not to cry, but he scares me and I turn into a blubbering mess. He was so angry about his car today that when I had to meet him, he hung up on me when I was trying to find out where he was and I was wandering the supermarket carpark in the rain while he was in the car. Afterwards, he tells me that I'm too sensitive and that he is not angry with me, but he speaks so horribly to me and he will give me the silent treatment or become aggressive if I tell him I don't want to be spoken to that way. I really want to have a life, but I don't think that is a priority in our relationship, or at least that's how I feel at the moment. I also suffer from CPTSD from being brought up by a mother with bipolar. I don't want to leave as he says it would kill him. I think his medication isn't helping him and I need to find ways to switch off when he is winding himself up. Any advice would be appreciated

Seperation and divorce after cheating 3 times

replies: 2

My husband cheated on me 3 times. We lived for 10 years. I forgived him every time but I donot know why. He always beated me and made bruises. Divorce was always hard for me. I am in seperation process. Please help me not to come back to him. I am an... View more

Feeling lost and unable to help

replies: 1

e been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years and for 2 of those years he has had depression and anxiety. he has a very full on job, which he loves, but takes a lot of time and energy, leaving not much time for him to have a hobby outside of work or much time for us to spend together. he has just started seeing a psychologist, which is great because I feel like he is making steps and trying to work things out. We have a great relationship, however I’m starting to question if we will survive this process. I’m very emotional and need very open communication, where as he is quite shut off and doesn’t like to talk about his feelings. I guess I’m just at a point where I’m not sure what to do to help him or to help myself cope. I don’t really feel like my friends understand everything entirely which makes it hard to talk to them about it. i don’t really know who to talk to, I’m thinking of seeing a therapist but the cost is high and I’m not sure I can afford it. if anyone has any advice, it would be muchly appreciated!

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Confused Carer replies: 3

Depressed partner left because he doesn't want to hurt me anymore replies: 6

How do I get help for my wife who has anasognosia replies: 3

Rock and a hard plACe replies: 6

Partner in denial about depression replies: 2

Advice for dealing with depression replies: 1

Help with parents that are dealing with severe health issues replies: 1

Dealing with aggression replies: 2

Seperation and divorce after cheating 3 times replies: 2

Feeling lost and unable to help replies: 1