Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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After school meltdown - I need help educating school staff

replies: 2

Hello my son is diagnosed with A.S.D. This week we have spoken to staff at school informing them he is more sensitive/more stressed than usual. "Look at him His fine" is the response we have gotten! We have told them Monday and Tuesday afternoon/evening he was not fine. Is there information sheets I can take to the school to help educate them re stress build up and releasing it with familiar people and safe places (mum at home)? 'After school restraint collapse' is another term for it.

Boyfriend broke up with me but seems like it's fuelled by his depression.

replies: 4

My boyfriend and I had been dating for around 18 months, he tried to break up with me, we discussed it and decided to stay together. Two weeks later he messaged me and very suddenly had changed his tone and was being very down, saying he has no idea why I want to be with him. This continued and I initiated a conversation about us separating which he didn't question. Whenever I attempted to talk to him about what's going on he just shuts me out, he doesn't seem to know him self and is confused. He keeps saying I can do better, I deserve the best, this just isn't working, I'll be okay, this just isn't right, he's never going to date anyone else again and things like that. It's been about a week since then and I just have a massive gut feeling this is the wrong decision. We haven't been in contact since breaking up and I'm giving him space to clear his head and try and make sense of his thoughts. Some backstory though, he has suffered from depression for years. This isn't new for him. We were really close friend before dating and he told me I've helped him so much. He's told me I understand him better then anyone and that I'm one of the only supports he has and the only person he feels he can really talk to about everything. I have been encouraging him to seek professional help but he is completely against it. He currently has no job and isn't doing much with his time due to mental health. I can see how its deteriorated in his personal hygiene, sleeping habits, just everything about him is different. I know it isn't him and I know he needs help but I'm not sure where to go at this point. He's been acting completely out of character and seems very up and down. I'm obviously confused and hurt as he has broken up with me but to me it feels like his reasoning behind it fuelled by his depression and he's trying to isolate himself and 'do me a favour'. I'm incredibly confused about what I should do because we did have something very special, I want to continue supporting him and I think he will need it in the future (not going to talk to him soon). I guess I'm confused about whether I'm reading into things that aren't there and trying to hide what's actually happening or if my gut feeling is true and I should be attempting to contact/help him in the future. I guess I just want another's opinion or insight or experience as I really don't want to give up on him even though he's given up on everything.

Recently diagnosed husband

replies: 3

Hello everyone! I’m not sure where the best place is to start, so I’ll do my best. i have been with my husband for 8yrs and married for 4, we have a 2yo daughter. He is a great father most of the time, but recently I noticed him being withdrawn from our life and our daughter. She won’t allow him to cuddle her to sleep anymore and he now refuses to try, I’m left to do most parenting myself because I feel he has broken his relationship with our daughter. he sleeps almost any chance he gets, he comes come agitated and angry and takes our his moods on me, and he falls asleep without helping out around the house at all. We went to the GP this week, who said my husband has depression. He was started on medication which he didn’t respond well to, and is now on a different medication. He started this evening. So getting to my question... does this type of “withdrawal” from life usually happen with depression? Is the symptoms he showing typically depression related? How long until he sees a result from the medication? Am I being silly in thinking I’ll have my husband/father of our child back to normal once these meds have started working? I’m feeling super tired, drained emotionally and physically and at my complete Whitt’s end. I want to be supportive but when I’m being a “single” parent and carer at the same time it’s really difficult to see and end to all of this. These were all questions I wanted to ask his GP but he didn’t want me at the appointment. I really don’t know a lot about depression apart from what I’ve read on here or google. Any insight for carers and how to cope would be appreciated.

Transient angry wife

replies: 3

Hi all, I posted a while back about my wife. Things settled down, but it was just a lull in the storm. I'm in a bind because I think she kinda, sorta, maybe has a personality disorder and some remnant of PTSD over her father's death (suicide). She has flatly refused any form of counselling (personal or couple) and does a flawless Jekyll and Hyde routine. At her worst, she's screaming in my face telling me not to walk away and that she will take my child away and that our daughter needs to choose between us, plus reciting every single thing I ever did wrong. Then the rain clouds clear, and its like nothing ever happened. I've personally resolved never to engage her while she's in that mode, which in the heat of the moment infuriates her even more. But I'm certain nothing good will come from it, so just not going there on my part, even if it means the end for us. Obviously I'm also concerned about the behaviour being observed by my daughter, who is primary school age now. I suppose my question is, how to encourage someone with no grasp of mental health and no playback of their own behaviour? I feel unable to initiate that conversation because it will just flip upside down into a full blown meltdown. I'm sure others are in the same boat, what did you do? Thanks for any advice.

Feel hopeless

replies: 8

Hi All First of all, I am using this forum to seek help to assist my daughter aged 12, who is suffering extreme anxiety and depression. Her anxieties have caused significant weight loss and she is reaching the point of anorexia. She says she feels nauseous threw anxiety and cannot eat. In addition, she says her legs hurt constantly. She has historically had times of being overwhelmed and felt anxiety when not fully supported in class, but now, Grade 7, new school etc, her anxiety has gone into overdrive and she eats hardly anything. Her school attendance has dropped below 50% and whilst the Welfare person there is working with us, as is her Year 7 co-ordinator we cannot seem to identify what triggers the anxiety. Through frustration today, when she claimed to be too weak to get out of bed and I was running late for work, I yelled my frustrations at her, asking when will it end? Not my best parental moment. We are waiting for Headspace to make contact with us, which seems to be taking forever but I want to know what can we do for her, how can we help reduce the anxiety and depression that seems to be related to school but there must be more to it? She is an over-thinker, she thinks out scenarios etc. Fear stops her from participating, it paralyses her. My heart is breaking for not being able to help her overcome this debilitating "illness" not sure illness is right word but at a loss as to what to really call it. So here I am reaching out on her behalf to ask who we can approach, what can we do, how can we be supportive without fully understanding why anxiety has taken over our beautiful free spirited soul? I just want to be able to hug her tightly and tell her we can beat this, but I really don't know if we can. Thanks for listening.

Schizoaffective Husband exhausting me!!!!

replies: 1

My husband suffers from the depressive subtype of Schizoaffective disorder and so essentially shows symptoms of both schizophrenia and depression which is great.....we have been together 14 years and have a two year old son. We decided to have a baby when he was stable and seemed to be responding really well to his new meds. 5 years ago he had a major psychotic episode and was hospitalised by force with the police and in psych ward involuntary for two weeks and escaped once. This was the only time he had delusions etc and now that he is stable and medicated he has all the negative symptoms such as lack of speech, staring blankly into space, like a tired zombie all the time, memory loss, acts like he dosent care about me at all basically. Sleeps in the granny flat because he snores. I have to wake him up and also prompt him all the time which is exhausting with a toddler. He is good with our son and loves him but has trouble responding to his needs and also mine. I feel like I just want to shake him awake! I love him so much but I’m not getting anything back from him. No support, no affection. He is fine at work and works from home for himself but relationships are a different thing. He has no friends to spend time with either. He sees his psychiatrist once every 3 months and his psychologist told him he was doing well and not to worry about seeing her anymore! I’ve put so much energy into arranging his psych appointments etc I just don’t have the energy anymore. I feel like I’m getting lost in all of this and I’m trapped. Should I leave him or continue to try and stay? Any advice from people who understand would be appreciated greatly

I need advice

replies: 2

My 19 year old daughter has Anorexia and has been in hospital for the past 2 weeks. She keeps telling me she doesn’t want me to visit her in hospital which is really getting to me I want to be there to support her and show her I love her but I also d... View more

Involuntary Admission

replies: 1

My grandparents are in QLD. My grandfather is getting worse and worse in how he treats nanna - he sees the world differently to how it is and is verbally abusive and threatens physical abuse. He had always been like that, but it’s getting worse because now there’s no family around to appease. is there a way to have him admitted involuntarily to see if he can be diagnosed and treated?

My Bipolar man Has cut me off... advice please?

replies: 11

Hi all Well right at the moment I am completely heartbroken...here is some history:I met my man 9 months ago. We hit it off straight away, and now I am a part of his family, his life, and I love him unconditionally.He is a Leukaemia survivor: however, that gave him Graft vs Hosts disease, he has a weak immune system and has Bipolar. He told me all of this straight away. He also has 50/50 custody of his 3 beautiful children. We all get along. His kids are 7 and 9 years, he is 44 and I just turned 40. he is on lithium and sees a Psych.He is a totally BEAUTIFUL person, makes me laugh, cry, and we share a lot together. I am such a part of his life that everything is " we, and us". he lives in his own house, and I rent a unit. I do spend a lot of time over at his place, and he does love having me over. But I feel that my lack of understanding him and not knowing how to handle certain situations-and him- had ruined our relationship. now I have been reading some info about bp, and he is a classic case of repeatedly breaking off our relationship due to very menial hiccups...and I NOW know that they are not menial to him. Only this time he has completely cut me off. He sent me a break up text when I was at work, and returned my key and items to my unit. He even wrapped the gift that he gave me for my 40th up carefully in paper (the gift he got me after my birthday) He wont answer any calls or texts, his original text said he sees no future for us, and that this will be hard, but to respect his decision. I just cannot accept it. Firstly, this is the worst "break up" that we have had. I suspect that he is in a deep depression at the moment. A lot of this is due to him not seeing his kids for 3 weeks (because of holidays), which he was dreading coming up.Also, and maybe, because I got upset that he did nothing for my 40th as in no card, no present, just a photo of all 3 kids that he took that day...I got really upset, had a fight and this caused his poor 9 year old to break down and cry.The next few days were okay though. If he was going to end it, he would have done it then and there.I feel so bad, because now he is obviously hurting. The way I see it is that he still loves me, because it would be too painful to hear my voice and see my items around his house.Have I been too demanding and unfeeling?? ...realistically, I don't expect an answer to that question as you don't know me, but anyone who goes through this same thing...please, any advice?? Thanks

How to help my mother leave an abusive relationship she's financially dependent on

replies: 4

So my mum is 58 and been living with her boyfriend for a few years now. I know from visiting them and seeing them fight in person that their relationship has been problematic for a while now. Its recently been getting a lot worse though as a result of his worsening alcoholism and a combination of new medications he's been put on. He's becoming more paranoid and erratic. He has always been walking that line between just a general ass hole and an emotional abuser in the way he would speak to her, intimidate her, demand too much of her and even gaslight her on occasion, but now he's jumped way into obvious abuse territory that him attempting to physically harm her is a genuine concern of mine. Now, its worth noting that both him and my mother are physically disabled as a result of work injuries, but my mother less so, and she is more mobile and can move quicker, so I have no doubt she could take him, which is a little reassuring but that doesn't make this whole situation any less concerning. Now the main road block in her leaving him is that she has nowhere to go and no money to support herself. She got unjustly let go from her job as an aged care nurse about maybe a year ago (she was injured on the job and they proceeded to fire her for being unable to do heavy duties as a result- she was unsuccessful in getting compensation outside of small insurance company payments that wouldn't even come close to supporting her) and our extended family (her brother and sisters and their spouses) aren't the sort to offer help. I'm currently unemployed (which is driving me insane) and living on Newstart so I can't even afford my own expenses most of the time let alone be able to offer significant help to her. I also live about seven hours away and live with housemates so I don't even have a place for her to easily get away to and stay, which, given that this is my mother, feels awful. To top it off, she doesn't have access to her super (she's explained to me why but ngl I'm a little too stupid to understand it all), and she doesn't qualify for Centrelink for some reason, hence she doesn't have access to any extra support they offer. I don't know what can be done here. My mum suffers from depression and physical disabilities and is without access to an substantial income. Hey partner is getting more and more abusive and is using her financial dependency on him against her. What can be done to help her? Is there something I'm missing? Advice is much appreciated. Thanks.

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

After school meltdown - I need help educating school staff replies: 2

Boyfriend broke up with me but seems like it's fuelled by his depression. replies: 4

Recently diagnosed husband replies: 3

Transient angry wife replies: 3

Feel hopeless replies: 8

Schizoaffective Husband exhausting me!!!! replies: 1

I need advice replies: 2

Involuntary Admission replies: 1

My Bipolar man Has cut me off... advice please? replies: 11

How to help my mother leave an abusive relationship she's financially dependent on replies: 4