I'm scared that I don't know what I'm doing to help my partner

[CatA18]

Hi.

My partner suffers from depression and anxiety, I knew he had this since we met as at the time he was going through an episode and he told me about it so that I could walk away if I wanted to. I didn't as I could see he was worth it.

He has had many ups and downs over the past 12 months but at the moment is probably one of the worst times.

He has a condition called Benign Fasciculation Syndrome, where his calves twitch constantly. It is a condition that is brought on by Anxiety and it doesn't cause any pain, it is not life threatening or anything like that - it is just purely annoying.

Most of the time he doesn't even think about it but when he is in a dark place it is all he thinks about... "I have a rare Neurological Dissorder", "Its incurable" "Why me?". But it is not even his legs that spark this, it is alcohol and his head. His brain is very powerful.

He has a tendency to use alcohol as a coping mechanism - He does not drink to enjoy it, he drinks to get drunk which in turn his mood changes. For the past week he has been drinking heavily, saying he wants to kill himself and that is is selfish that we want to keep him here for our own benefit. He is downright nasty to me when he is like that, which is so hard because he is so beautiful of a person when he is not going through this. It never gets easier to hear nasty comments and that he wants to take his own life.

I try to remind him that there is so much to look forward to in our future - we are going overseas in 4 months, we are getting married next year and starting a family - which he wants so badly! but at the moment nothing excites him.

He has not gone to work all week - he stays up until the early hours of the morning drinking then sleeps all day. The other night I was so close to calling an ambulance as he was so adamant he was going to end his life.

I have booked an appointment for him to see his psychologist next week and I took him to the doctors yesterday who upped hismedication and was quite helpful, but he is still feeling horrible and I honestly do not know what to do.

He also has next to no sex drive because of the medication so that in itself is hard.

I am so scared that I am going to stuff everything up and he may end his life. Any advice on what I can do to help would be amazing. I am stressed constantly and overwhelmed! I have never had to do this before.

Thank you x

[SomewhatDamaged]

CatA18...tell him you're feelings...how scared you are...how much you love him...tell him everything...when our minds are clouded we need as much reassurance as you can give cos we're doubting everything about ourselves and our future...we don't think rationally but we so desperately want something to hang onto...whatever little spark you can find of his true self...grab it...don't let go and make him feel as loved as you described