Supporting family and friends

Pinned discussions

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

•

15-07-2016

•

41 unread

All discussions

Sorted by:

Start a conversation

needing support with partners disocciative itentity disorder

replies: 13

This is my first post and I feel very fearful. I have PTSD and associated anxiety. I have worked really hard to heal and have done really well. However some events recently have triggered my anxiety and panic attacks and I am needing some support and any helpful advice you may have to offer, and really I need to just be able to say that sometimes things are hard. My partner of 11 years has disocciative identity disorder. He has 3 personalities that we know of. I love this man and believe he or at least his main host personality loves me and yet at times it is so very challenging and sometimes I feel so alone. Until recently he didn't like me to have support for living with this or talk to anyone about it. Whenever I tried to tell him that I needed help or someone to talk to because I was finding it difficult to cope with some things he would minimize my challenges and tell me it was him that had the challenges it should be easy for me.I squashed it all down inside and just tried to keep smiling and keep going. It is difficult sometimes because one of his alters may be angry with me. may tell me things, do things and my mans host character may not be aware and then thinks Im crazy if I tell him things that were said. sometimes it plays with my mind and the anxiety has been horrible when I feel like Im walking on egg shells in case I say something wrong. Recently he has gone through a lot of personal growth and change and realises it is important for me to have support and has told me he has sought support. This is something he had not disclosed to me previously. He suggested I may find support on here. Im afraid and anxious and sceptical but also hopeful because I need support. In the last several weeks he has come to me to tell me that his protector alta has grown and gone through changes and wants a girlfriend of his own. This has devastated me and triggered my anxiety big time and I have also had panic attacks. I feel lost and alone and so need some advice and support. Can anyone help

My husband and mother are both depressed

replies: 4

Hi everyone, my husband has severe depression and suicidal thoughts which has been going on for a very long time. My mother who lives with us also has depression but continuously denies it. My husband who is currently unemployed due to his depression is seeing a psychiatrist as well as a psychologist. It seems to be helping him somewhat. I am happy that he is responding to treatment but I am at the stage where I will need treatment soon. We are in financial stress and I am working 10 hour shifts just to be able to pay the mortgage. I am stressed and with my mother also having depression they don't seem to see that I am under pressure. I don't know how long l can go on like this without loosing my temper and doing or saying something that will damage our relationship. I am constantly in a bad mood and I don't want to feel this way anymore. The biggest losers in this drama are our children. My oldest can cope to some extent but my youngest acts up and has anger fits all the time. I don't know what to do anymore. Your help would be greatly appreciated.

Please help - How do i help my mother in law?

replies: 0

Really hoping someone can offer advice - Like most situations, ours has been in "development" for some time - short story is that my darling mother in law is currently in an aged care mental health ward for severe depression and anxiety - the depression is pretty much now "controlled" via medication but the anxiety is overwhelming her. She is not old - 69, but right now she can't eat, or drink - and they can't even force her to eat or drink any more (i fear they may have to intervene soon on that aspect), she can't sit for a minute - she is pacing the floor constantly - she can't shower herself, she can't even dress herself - I must stress here that physically there is nothing wrong with her. She is humming constantly (something she has done since doing ECT 6 years ago for the depression). We struggle with trying to say or do the right things to help her. I want to wrap her in cotton wool and bubble wrap and protect her forever, but I can't and it is breaking my heart. Her family love her very very much. Today we cannot see any time when she might come home again - is recovery for her possible? What might happen to her if she doesn't improve? How can I support and help her?

My boyfriend has anxiety and depression

replies: 1

My boyfriend has anxiety and depression. We have only been together for 12 months but we have been through so much together it feels as though it has been much longer. I am currently at a loss as to how to help him and i did not know where else to go for help. I don't want to let him go, i care about him, i love him, but the past few months i feel as though i am being pulled into his spiral. I am struggling to understand the illness and how to manage being a partner to a person who is trying to conquer it.

How to help my daughter?

replies: 4

Please give me some advice on how to help my adult daughter who we believe to be suffering ongoing depression. She refuses point blank to engage in any conversations with anyone about seeking help. She has also isolated herself from all her friends a... View more

Helping my partner

replies: 1

My girlfriend of more than two years suffers from quite severe depression. I knew of this when we first starting dating, however the past six months have led to it returning with a force. She has had several serious breakdowns at work and at home which have led to multiple conversation about suicide. I organised for her to go and see a councillor and have been in constant contact with her family and employers about her condition as they are just as concerned as I am. I am naturally a very happy person, maybe too much so, and this has been my first interaction with mental illness of any kind making me feel I am completely out of my depth. I have spent a lot of time over the last few months reading as much information as I can and trying to help her through it although at times I am not sure if I am helping at all. I have made it clear to her that I am not going anywhere, I love her dearly and know this is only one point in our lives that we need to work through together. However, my concern is that I have no idea if I am helping. I myself have a very stressful job, which often requires long hours and dangerous situations, however I feel like I am now spending more of my time worrying about her than looking after myself. I cannot keep an eye on her all day but when I am away I do become concerned for her, not knowing if she is ok or feeling down. I am also aware I cannot let her know the impact this is having on me, because it is clear it will push her over the edge. I get the feeling that soon she will attempt to push me away for fear of hurting me (which I think is a common thing from what I have read), however, I know I need to be prepared for this and am not sure how to handle it. I have no intention of going anywhere. The bottom line is I want to do everything in my power to help her through this in anyway I can. I would do anything to help her, but as I said this is very knew to me and you can only read so much before it all becomes the same. I assume a lot of people have been through similar situations, any advice would be greatly appreciated no matter how small. Things that I can do or approaches I can take to certain situations would be fantastic.

Need help with "fostered" teens

replies: 1

One year ago myself and my wife took in two teens who we're going off the rails and living with two uncaring parents. The teens were involved with drugs and alcohol, however, always had a lot of potential and we're well behaved and respectful around us. In our household we are quite strict, especially compared to the teens parents, and we have two incredibly well behaved boys, aged 8 and 11. The teens were quite willing to follow our rules, as they now have someone who cares about them and provides them anything they need. However, they have slowly started to turn over the past 6 months and are now battling with us every step of the way and when out of our care they revert back to their original bad behaviors. Due in part to the constant stress and sleepless nights their behavior is causing I am to the point where I am ready to hand them back to their parents as they are negatively impacting not only my mental state (my depression has returned) but also having an impact on my children's lives. The thought of sending them back however is wracking me with guilt and I can't take the final plunge into shipping them off. I would love some advice and thoughts on what you guys think I should do in this situations as I need to ensure my children are taken care of before anyone else, I would hate for the teens to put a dampener on their child hood. Thanks in advance.

How do I support my husband suffering depression?

replies: 1

Hi my husband has just been diagnosed with depression / anxiety and he has completely shut down and won't talk to me. I have been able to get him to docs and he has started medication and has app with phsyciatrist but in the meantime I don't know how to deal with him. I'm 7 mths pregnant and also have a 2 yr old and am having trouble coping emotionally as it is, I have to be strong as he already feels he is a burden on everyone but it's so hard. He is having paranoid thoughts and just stares off in to space for most of the day it's really affecting our 2 yr olds behavior and she is really playing up which is stressing us both even further, do I just leave him to be in his own little world or do I confront him regularly and try get him talking? I'm afraid this stress is going to affect our unborn child too I had post natal depression with my 2 yr old and am worried that with all this stress it may come back with baby number 2?

AVOIDANT DISORDER

replies: 1

I am in a 5 year long distance relationship with someone who we have now discovered is depressed and has avoidant disorder. In the beginning everything was great, our relationship was next to perfect, we saw each other every other wkend, spent all free time together. 1 year ago my daughter moved into his home to finish her university and now our world has fallen apart. He's a 50 yr old man who has lived on his own. Cannot handle 22 yr old step-daughter in house with him. Retreats to his room, has become depressed and has gone out and signed up for therapy. In the meantime he has asked me for time and space. says he still loved me, is in love with me, and is attracted to me, but has now cut off almost all communication with me. Cant answer any questions I ask, avoids avoids avoids. But when I do see him I can see how sad he is, he shows me a little affection, but if I'm around too long, more than a couple of days he retreats again. To the point he will try and sleep on the far end of the bed with his pillow all cinched up. I NEED HELP !!! Will therapy help him ? Will he come back to me ?? He cannot even answer a simple question as to whether or not I should come over, wants me to decide, doesn't matter. Before he couldn't get enough of me. He has read all about avoidant personality and he agrees its him to a ''tee''. I just do not know what to do, do I coddle him and love him and support him or do I let him slip away ? Will he come back to me and be the person I initially fell in love with, this new person is like Jeykle and Hyde. Anyone who is a spouse/partner of an avoidant please let me know if he will pull out of this.. please let me know if when he doesn't answer to see me should I stay away ? Please let me know if I should continue to text/phone him... I am lost and love him sooo much

New member, partner of bipolar sufferer.

replies: 2

Hi everyone, I have done some reading on the forums, read some stories from members and wanted to introduce myself and my reason for being here. i am the partner of a beautiful lady who I have loved dearly for over 3 years who sadly suffers from bipolar disorder. when we met I was told by her she was a sufferer of this horrible illness and had a brief understanding of the condition before entering into the relationship. I have no regrets to this day falling in love with my lady, she makes me a better person even though it can be very hard dealing with the constant highs and lows, medication changes and hospital admissions and general stress. Last year she was admitted 8 times for stays as long as 5 weeks. I do what I can for her, caring for her children without any help from her family, is like now I'm here they can step away and it's on me now which makes me very sad at times. i wish we could find the right mix of meds and treatment option so her condition would settle for at least a few months, it's just seems such a constant flow of high low, manic etc that's all normal life had ended. I no longer can work due to being her full time carer which makes things tough, but I will not give up on her as the love we share is everything. i am at the point of asking maybe its time to get another doctor to advise on what to do next, we just don't seem to be getting anywhere, is always just switch this and that, change this..stop that etc but it never gets much better for long anyway. is there any new treatments? What has worked for others? I am determined to stay with my lady, she deserves more than life gives her and I hope that with my support and love we can get some quality of life in the future. This illness is in need of so much more research and treatment. this has been a long journey for her and I am only 3 years in but not prepared to give up.

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

needing support with partners disocciative itentity disorder replies: 13

My husband and mother are both depressed replies: 4

Please help - How do i help my mother in law? replies: 0

My boyfriend has anxiety and depression replies: 1

How to help my daughter? replies: 4

Helping my partner replies: 1

Need help with "fostered" teens replies: 1

How do I support my husband suffering depression? replies: 1

AVOIDANT DISORDER replies: 1

New member, partner of bipolar sufferer. replies: 2