Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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I’m in Love with my depressed wife - need resources

replies: 4

Hello. my wife has been diagnosed with depression for 6 years and is probably depressed for 10+. she’s on voltarene at the moment, + thyroid meds, but her hormonal cycle has a massive impact on her moods. At her best (~8 weeks every year) she is the most amazing, smart, funny and adorable person I have ever met), at her worse (~12 weeks every year) she can’t talk, and operate. The rest of the time she goes in cycles between those 2 states with some terribly “angry” phases. we have 2 girls (8 and 10) who have started asking many question about mum’s moods, but she refuses to talk about it. I’ve been allowed to say that “mum is sick” but she doesn’t want to tell then the word depression or get into any details which means the kids are now confused and afraid of puberty: “when I get my periods will I become like mum?” i am seeing a fantastic shrink to deal with my self-worth issues and the guilt of never doing enough for her. what I was hoping to get from this community was: - resources on how to deal with respecting it is not my illness, but it affects my kids. My wife refuses to have the conversation and I am struggling with my love/loyalty to her and my instinct to have it all out in the open with the kids to help them deal with it. - tips to support her to see a shrink. She very much focus on the medication, and expects the ADs to do all the work. I managed to convince her to see a psychologist again but I’m afraid she’ll drop again when invited to talk. In one visit to a specialist where I was present I realised that she systematically understates how she is. She has lost her job and hasn’t worked for 11 months. She tries to keep the house going but I find hidden dirty clothes under the beds, opened letters and unpaid bills in drawers... I think she is struggling to accept she can’t cope and refuses to admit it.

Nursing Home Residents Mental Health

replies: 297

Hey everybody. I never knew that the Government deemed Nursing Home residents 'not to be patients in the community' therefore nearly all dont qualify for psychological treatment. (dementia excluded) Here is an excerpt from the SMH article January 7 2017 re the Fairfax Media Investigation. "Under the rule almost all nursing home residents are denied GP mental health treatment plans and associated psychological therapies provided to other Australians under the Better Access Medicare program, because the government deems residents not to be patients "in the community". Despite extreme rates of mental illness in nursing homes – with about 82,000 of 176,000 residents estimated to suffer a mental illness (excluding dementia) or significant mental distress – the Turnbull government reaffirmed the regulatory exclusion late last year" Lucky Country? Not if you have a mental illness in a nursing home it isnt Are we still in the dark ages? This is a disgrace and blatantly discriminatory. your thoughts are most welcome Paul

I need help to understand my partner's behaviour

replies: 2

Hello everyone. First time for me on a forum. But I need help. I have been with my partner for 3 years. It has been a year since he le is depression. It is really hard to see him acting like a stranger towards me and it does hurt me a lot. I do not recognise the person I fall in love With. My partner is now really negative, pessimistic, not showing any affection at all. I’m trying to be present for him and to understand but it is hard. He is pushing me away, telling me « means » thing. I’m trying to get him to see someone. This situation is getting harder every day. I do not want to leave him but I just feel in a one way relationship now. Can anyone help me to maybe understand and rationalise?

Any ideas please

replies: 4

So here it is my son is in the best years of his life - mid 20's and life appears to be a struggle This year he has attended alcohol rehab several times although successful for a little while after (few weeks) he goes straight back into a rut The last 12 months he has tried several anti depressants and honestly I think it's the worse his ever been, the psychiatrist is trying one more medication and if this doesn't work will come off it. The alcohol craving medications don't work need some suggestions as he is stuck unable to move on, he has a steady job for the last 8 years, not sure if he enjoys this atm Has no interests, no hobbies and no social life. Obviously drinks to self medicate. Have many of you with mental health issues entered a long term alcohol rehab centre with success ? He has top private health cover so can access help anytime Does anyone have experience with Life Skill programs ?

Support for depressed teenage son, early school leaver, to possibly return to finish school?

replies: 4

I'm hoping for some advice from the community. My 18yo son had a sudden relapse of depression 3 weeks ago. He first received treatment a year ago but didn't really commit to it and didn't stay on treatment longer than a couple of months. It's early days, but this time he seems to be responding well to medication and is beginning to feel better. He left school last year during year 11 feeling unable to cope, and has tried 2 apprenticeships in the last 6 months, the first didn't suit him, and the second he had to leave 3 weeks ago when the depression hit. I am glad he's beginning to feel better, but he has declined help by a psychologist, saying he would rather try to fix it himself (exercise and taking medication). My concern is that he might miss out on dealing with some unresolved problems, ie. learning problems at school due to auditory processing difficulties, social anxiety. I wish he would give education another try next year. He has not formed any plan of what to do next, and is not working or studying at the moment. I'm finding it hard to have a discussion about possible re-entry into the school system. I don't want him to feel pressured. Has anyone had any experience with re-entry to senior level of secondary school? Alternatively, has anyone had any experience with distance education?

Mother has BPD and long term depression.

replies: 2

Hi all, I am hoping to get a bit of advice, or at least reassurance that we are doing the right thing. My mum has been on antidepressant for 25 years for depression and diagnosed with BPD and Impulse disorder. The depression has turned into gambling, alcoholism and now I believe there may be drugs involved. My mum has put the family through hell and has remained adamant that she is the victim. She has attempted to commit suicide numerous times, threatened suicide constantly, lost her licence drunk driving and damaged things around her unit, just to mention a few. Most recently she set fire to her unit. She is now currently living with a man who is a bad influence and having relations with her, we believe he may be emotionally abusive to her and he is claiming to insurance that he is now her power of attorney (whether or not this is true). My dad is an enabler and has threatened to cut her off (they are separated since they had to sell the house due to her accumulated gambling debts). Even though they are separated, she constantly calls him up asking for money as she has spent it all - after yelling at her, he always gives in. Since this fire, she is in the mental health centre hospital (to be released shortly) and is adamant that she is the victim and denying anything is wrong (Even though I have text msgs and voicemails that she admitted she wanted to die), and is refusing that she needs help. She is actually pretty happy that her insurance will replace everything in her unit and couldn't care less that she could have killed someone (or her dog). My family have put up with a lot and we are at the end of our rope. I have young kids I need to protect and my dad already suffers from heart attacks. We have been told that unless she admits she needs help, that there's nothing we can do. Which is why we are ready to cut ties with her. I guess I just want some reassurance that we are doing the right thing. My mum has always guilt tripped me and I already feel guilty but I feel that my stress is affecting my health but I know, the longer I avoid/ignore her, the more I will feel guilty. I am next of kin and have copped the full brunt of this and I just can't take it anymore since it doesn't seem she will ever change. I'm scared that my dad will give in and begin enabling her again. I'm very close to my dad but I want to be strong enough to tell him that I don't want her in my life, for the sake of my health and my kids. Has anyone been through similar?

Living / not living or coping anymore with husbands depression

replies: 4

I’m looking for some guidance ....I don’t know how to manage the effects of depression with my husband of 28 yrs anymore. I’ve supported and propped and cared for -offered advice and solutions and yet he seems to go deeper despite medication and options open which he won’t avail himself of. I am a Nurse who works in a Chronic illness field supporting others so it’s beyond frustrating I can’t seem to help my own husband. He’s sad most of the time and relies on me as his only support. He goes to a counselling only as I insist but never seems to move forward or want to continue. Has moved away from family and friends over the years .....has been retrenched many times , has back issues and it all just compounds together into a pile of no self worth . I feel I am detaching more and more and at times think about leaving him but financially he would not be able to function at all. I really have just had it after the last 15 years of these patterns ....any help would be appreciated .

New - Seeking Advice on Teen Depression

replies: 4

Hi, I wasn't sure where else to go. My son (16) expressed some incredibly concerning dialogue with me - but also expressed that if I rang his school to get him into the school psychologist - or if I forced him to go to a Dr, I would completely 'ruin his life'. Now, I know I need to get him help & that he may not appreciate my actions straight up - but I Have no idea how to gently balance it so that he doesn't just clam up completely by feeling forced. Knowing my son as well as I do, I really don't think forcing the situation is a good idea - but from what he discussed with me, I would like to get onto it asap. I also don't want him to think he can't speak up to me without me betraying his confidence. I would appreciate any advice or opinions. Thank you

Newbie

replies: 2

My daughter has recently been diagnosed with BPD. She is 17yrs old in a few weeks and I am looking to connect with other parents for support, and knowledge. It feels very isolating when you are trying to wrap your head around it while managing the intensity of emotions. Friends are supportive but they don't really understand what's going on to offer valuable advice and also help me to feel connected.

Supporting a partner with bipolar 1

replies: 5

Hi there, My boyfriend has bipolar 1 and us currently unwell. I've never dealt with mental illness before and I feel pretty helpless. When he's well, he us the happiest and most care-free person I know. But at the moment it can range from agitated, angry, happy, sad or flat and I never know which one I'm going to encounter when he walks in the room. Nothing I say or do is right. Nothing I say or do makes anything better. I feel like I have to constantly walk on eggshells so I don't upset him. Every now and then he has lucid moments and we'll talk or listen to music together then he'll go outside for a cigarette or play video games and come back a completely different person. I don't know how to be there for him. I want to make it better and I can't. It breaks my heart. I don't normally cry but lately I will randomly break into tears because I'm emotionally exhausted.

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

I’m in Love with my depressed wife - need resources replies: 4

Nursing Home Residents Mental Health replies: 297

I need help to understand my partner's behaviour replies: 2

Any ideas please replies: 4

Support for depressed teenage son, early school leaver, to possibly return to finish school? replies: 4

Mother has BPD and long term depression. replies: 2

Living / not living or coping anymore with husbands depression replies: 4

New - Seeking Advice on Teen Depression replies: 4

Newbie replies: 2

Supporting a partner with bipolar 1 replies: 5