Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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Husband has anxiety, need help to cope.

replies: 10

My husband of just a year has anxiety, he does not leave the house unless forced. He stays at home all day and plays video games. This leaves me as the sole provider in our family as well as the person who does most of the housework and all the cooking, I am so stressed out all the time, I’m not sleeping properly and I worry about everything. My job is not secure, I’m employed casually and I have no guarantee of employment next year. His suggestion is that I find more work and that stresses me out even more. He says he can’t work and will not seek any therapy, he’s hoping for a magic pill to make the anxiety go away. I dont know what to do, am I a monster for feeling so stressed out and thinking he should at least try to get some part time work to help the finances. I’m just not coping right now and I fear we will lose our house, the house I worked hard for before I met him. I feel like I’m coping worse than him right now.

Is it ok to be angry?

replies: 5

Apologies in advance, newbie here. My partner has just been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. We’ve been together for 3 years. I’ve been aware of it for months but it was only after I left him for a few days that I think he actually understood that there was a problem and it needed to be addressed. After trying everything else I was at wits end. Not only as his partner, but as a mum to 4 kids who just couldn’t cope with trying to manage his moods and actions and do what needed to be done for the kids. Im dealing with my own mental health issues, and have done for years, and I know it’s scary and overwhelming and it eats you up from the inside. But I work at it, I have worked at it daily for years. Mat the moment I’m struggling. Struggling with anger, hurt and frustration, resentment and guilt. I’m angry at his family for just assuming I’m ok with this. I’m angry at his ex wife for still insisting we have my step son even when I’ve said to her he’s not well and I’m not coping, can she just give me a weekend off? I’m frustrated that he’s still in bed at midday and yelling at the kids for making noise. I’m angry at myself for resenting him when I know it’s not his fault and he can’t help it but why did it have to take me leaving after months of talking to him about it to get to this point of seeking help. I’m tired of feeling guilty because I keep thinking can someone just deal with him so I can deal with my kids and be ‘me’ for five minutes, and why is it up to me to financially support us because he can’t get out of bed? I feel so selfish for thinking ‘where do I fit in this picture’. For thinking why do I have to farm my kids out for the weekend to work so he can lay in bed and blame everyone and everything else for his crappy life, when all of it was his own doing and decisions he made? I know there’s a mountain here to work through, and I know he’s taken the first step, and I love him and this is what relationships are, supporting each other through good times and bad, but I feel so terrible for what I’m feeling towards him. And his family, because I know it’s not their job to ‘fix this’, mum just scared of where these emotions are taking me.

Is it OCD? How can I help?

replies: 13

Hi all, My partner and I have been living together for 3.5 years now. Over these years, I have noticed that she seems to have anxieties when it comes to the security of our home. She has owned her home for 5 years now and hasn't allowed her friends to visit her there. If I invite my family and friends to our home, she becomes very anxious and is concerned that my guest will break something. If that someone happens to be my 3 year old niece, she starts hating me for inviting her and threats to hit my niece if she breaks anything. When we leave the house, she is always routinely checking the windows, oven and electrical outputs. She stares at the window for 10-20 seconds trying to decide if the window is in the correct position and secure. Quite often she goes back and double or triple checks the windows. When she locks the door, she checks the handle 6 times, and even then walks away a few meters and then goes back and checks again. She also very conscience about dust entering our home. For example, she gets really anxious when I need to bring the tool box into our home because of the dust it might bring. We get into an argument about it each time. My understanding of her, is that she sees our home as a sanctuary and she fears anyone or anything that would violate that sanctuary. Although I do believe these issues are manageable for now I am concerned that it could get worse particularly if something tragic happens to her life and it will become so bad that she will start seeing me as threat to our home too. I would like to know what everyone's opinion is here? Is this OCD? Should I encourage her to seek help or am I worrying too much? If she does have OCD what is the best way I can help her? For example, she wants me to join her when she is checking the windows before we leave each morning. Should I check with her or is this encouraging the wrong behaviour? Many thanks in advanced

My partner is struggling

replies: 2

Hi everyone I don’t normally do this but I am at my wits end my partner (male) has suffered with anxiety for many years before I knew him and this in turn causes depression. He has smoked weed regularly for about 4 years (also before I met him) and he cut down greatly since he’s been with me and used it only for sleep but today is one month since he has quit. He is now super angry and struggling with sleep and has been abusing alcohol and prescription drugs. He knows all of this is wrong but all he wants is sleep and he also feels like he can’t be sober because he hates his life so much. *before we met, he also used to go out every weekend and do party drugs and “nangs” and has now stopped all that completely About 3 months ago I asked him if he wanted to move out with me because I had to move and had no where to go and he freaked out a little about it so I said don’t worry. Since then he has had this “sick” feeling towards me but it has been on and off. Lately he has said the sick feeling has been constant now and none of us know what this sick feeling is. He always is honest with me and he told me that he doesn’t want to leave me and we’re perfect together but he’s sick of this unknown feeling. he has been to a psych who made him feel a lot better about the feeling but now he’s got It back again and also has seen his doc who gave him anti depressants about 2 months ago i guess what I am asking is has anyone else experienced anything like this before? So far I have come across nobody who has experienced a partner having this “sick” feeling and there are a lot of issues in here like th drugs abuse which I will also need some help With in who he can turn to for both issues thank you for reading

I’m in Love with my depressed wife - need resources

replies: 4

Hello. my wife has been diagnosed with depression for 6 years and is probably depressed for 10+. she’s on voltarene at the moment, + thyroid meds, but her hormonal cycle has a massive impact on her moods. At her best (~8 weeks every year) she is the most amazing, smart, funny and adorable person I have ever met), at her worse (~12 weeks every year) she can’t talk, and operate. The rest of the time she goes in cycles between those 2 states with some terribly “angry” phases. we have 2 girls (8 and 10) who have started asking many question about mum’s moods, but she refuses to talk about it. I’ve been allowed to say that “mum is sick” but she doesn’t want to tell then the word depression or get into any details which means the kids are now confused and afraid of puberty: “when I get my periods will I become like mum?” i am seeing a fantastic shrink to deal with my self-worth issues and the guilt of never doing enough for her. what I was hoping to get from this community was: - resources on how to deal with respecting it is not my illness, but it affects my kids. My wife refuses to have the conversation and I am struggling with my love/loyalty to her and my instinct to have it all out in the open with the kids to help them deal with it. - tips to support her to see a shrink. She very much focus on the medication, and expects the ADs to do all the work. I managed to convince her to see a psychologist again but I’m afraid she’ll drop again when invited to talk. In one visit to a specialist where I was present I realised that she systematically understates how she is. She has lost her job and hasn’t worked for 11 months. She tries to keep the house going but I find hidden dirty clothes under the beds, opened letters and unpaid bills in drawers... I think she is struggling to accept she can’t cope and refuses to admit it.

Nursing Home Residents Mental Health

replies: 297

Hey everybody. I never knew that the Government deemed Nursing Home residents 'not to be patients in the community' therefore nearly all dont qualify for psychological treatment. (dementia excluded) Here is an excerpt from the SMH article January 7 2017 re the Fairfax Media Investigation. "Under the rule almost all nursing home residents are denied GP mental health treatment plans and associated psychological therapies provided to other Australians under the Better Access Medicare program, because the government deems residents not to be patients "in the community". Despite extreme rates of mental illness in nursing homes – with about 82,000 of 176,000 residents estimated to suffer a mental illness (excluding dementia) or significant mental distress – the Turnbull government reaffirmed the regulatory exclusion late last year" Lucky Country? Not if you have a mental illness in a nursing home it isnt Are we still in the dark ages? This is a disgrace and blatantly discriminatory. your thoughts are most welcome Paul

I need help to understand my partner's behaviour

replies: 2

Hello everyone. First time for me on a forum. But I need help. I have been with my partner for 3 years. It has been a year since he le is depression. It is really hard to see him acting like a stranger towards me and it does hurt me a lot. I do not recognise the person I fall in love With. My partner is now really negative, pessimistic, not showing any affection at all. I’m trying to be present for him and to understand but it is hard. He is pushing me away, telling me « means » thing. I’m trying to get him to see someone. This situation is getting harder every day. I do not want to leave him but I just feel in a one way relationship now. Can anyone help me to maybe understand and rationalise?

Any ideas please

replies: 4

So here it is my son is in the best years of his life - mid 20's and life appears to be a struggle This year he has attended alcohol rehab several times although successful for a little while after (few weeks) he goes straight back into a rut The last 12 months he has tried several anti depressants and honestly I think it's the worse his ever been, the psychiatrist is trying one more medication and if this doesn't work will come off it. The alcohol craving medications don't work need some suggestions as he is stuck unable to move on, he has a steady job for the last 8 years, not sure if he enjoys this atm Has no interests, no hobbies and no social life. Obviously drinks to self medicate. Have many of you with mental health issues entered a long term alcohol rehab centre with success ? He has top private health cover so can access help anytime Does anyone have experience with Life Skill programs ?

Support for depressed teenage son, early school leaver, to possibly return to finish school?

replies: 4

I'm hoping for some advice from the community. My 18yo son had a sudden relapse of depression 3 weeks ago. He first received treatment a year ago but didn't really commit to it and didn't stay on treatment longer than a couple of months. It's early days, but this time he seems to be responding well to medication and is beginning to feel better. He left school last year during year 11 feeling unable to cope, and has tried 2 apprenticeships in the last 6 months, the first didn't suit him, and the second he had to leave 3 weeks ago when the depression hit. I am glad he's beginning to feel better, but he has declined help by a psychologist, saying he would rather try to fix it himself (exercise and taking medication). My concern is that he might miss out on dealing with some unresolved problems, ie. learning problems at school due to auditory processing difficulties, social anxiety. I wish he would give education another try next year. He has not formed any plan of what to do next, and is not working or studying at the moment. I'm finding it hard to have a discussion about possible re-entry into the school system. I don't want him to feel pressured. Has anyone had any experience with re-entry to senior level of secondary school? Alternatively, has anyone had any experience with distance education?

Mother has BPD and long term depression.

replies: 2

Hi all, I am hoping to get a bit of advice, or at least reassurance that we are doing the right thing. My mum has been on antidepressant for 25 years for depression and diagnosed with BPD and Impulse disorder. The depression has turned into gambling, alcoholism and now I believe there may be drugs involved. My mum has put the family through hell and has remained adamant that she is the victim. She has attempted to commit suicide numerous times, threatened suicide constantly, lost her licence drunk driving and damaged things around her unit, just to mention a few. Most recently she set fire to her unit. She is now currently living with a man who is a bad influence and having relations with her, we believe he may be emotionally abusive to her and he is claiming to insurance that he is now her power of attorney (whether or not this is true). My dad is an enabler and has threatened to cut her off (they are separated since they had to sell the house due to her accumulated gambling debts). Even though they are separated, she constantly calls him up asking for money as she has spent it all - after yelling at her, he always gives in. Since this fire, she is in the mental health centre hospital (to be released shortly) and is adamant that she is the victim and denying anything is wrong (Even though I have text msgs and voicemails that she admitted she wanted to die), and is refusing that she needs help. She is actually pretty happy that her insurance will replace everything in her unit and couldn't care less that she could have killed someone (or her dog). My family have put up with a lot and we are at the end of our rope. I have young kids I need to protect and my dad already suffers from heart attacks. We have been told that unless she admits she needs help, that there's nothing we can do. Which is why we are ready to cut ties with her. I guess I just want some reassurance that we are doing the right thing. My mum has always guilt tripped me and I already feel guilty but I feel that my stress is affecting my health but I know, the longer I avoid/ignore her, the more I will feel guilty. I am next of kin and have copped the full brunt of this and I just can't take it anymore since it doesn't seem she will ever change. I'm scared that my dad will give in and begin enabling her again. I'm very close to my dad but I want to be strong enough to tell him that I don't want her in my life, for the sake of my health and my kids. Has anyone been through similar?

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Husband has anxiety, need help to cope. replies: 10

Is it ok to be angry? replies: 5

Is it OCD? How can I help? replies: 13

My partner is struggling replies: 2

I’m in Love with my depressed wife - need resources replies: 4

Nursing Home Residents Mental Health replies: 297

I need help to understand my partner's behaviour replies: 2

Any ideas please replies: 4

Support for depressed teenage son, early school leaver, to possibly return to finish school? replies: 4

Mother has BPD and long term depression. replies: 2