Would you and how to tell your GP you self harm?

[LJpd81]

Recently I have been self harming. Im not sure if I'm allowed to say how though. Should I tell my doctor? And if I do , how do I tell her? She is quite approachable and lovely. The idea of telling her that I S/H, fills me with so much anxiety! How do I blurt that out? What would she do? I already am booked for 6 psychologist appointments and I have written it down as one of my reasons for attending. Any advice please?

Thanks very much.

[Harpbird]

LJ, just natural you feel guilty, but try not to, your family does sound very supportive. My grandsons were born 8 days apart and will be 6 next month. They are very much into riding their motor bikes. Not sure my lawn likes it lol. I have way to many nieces and nephews. Lol Yes enjoyed my drinks lol only had two . My drs know I have a drink when needed. Like you I don’t drink everyday. No your not wired, it’s not really spaced out I feel just relaxed. Ahhhhh feels good.
good for you not answering that call, a call if nothing only takes moments to return, they can’t be that busy, surely they have an order in which they return calls. I had changed from my 1st psychologists who my god referred me to, but I just didn’t mesh with her. Then got a referral to one who was meant to be really good but They never even got back to me, very rude. So went back to my gp and asked for another referral to one a friend recommended and she is who I see now. So far I feel ok with her, it’s hard spilling you guts with stuff you have kept secret for over 35, but hopefully it gets easier.

[LJpd81]

Thanks heaps.y

Your grandchildren sound sweet. My nephew’s are 8, and 6( but turning 7 in December ). My niece's are 7, turning 8 in December, and 4. I love them so much. I love being an aunty.

My 4 year old niece is the one who fractured her arm. I still feel incredibly guilty.

I hope you feel safe with your psychologist. You have to feel comfortable. As that's the person you share your deepest feelings with.

When I talked to my mum, she sounded sad. I hope I haven't overwhelmed her or made her sad. That's a reason I hesitated to tell her.

I'm still drinking. Makes me happy. I'm listening to you tube. Currently Elton John, the way you look tonight.

[smallwolf]

We obviously don't know much you told your mum (and you don't have to say) yet I wonder if that sadness was also concern for you. My mum was the first person I spoke to when things were difficult and before I started seeing a psychologist. I would also learn there was a boundary not to cross with mum so that she would not get too worried about me. For example, I could say I had bad dreams ... but not go into detail.

Putting the drinking to one side... you are doing everything that could be expected. You are getting help. And perhaps adding mum to your support group. It was a also a very brave thing to do ... to be vulnerable to tell her what is going on in your life.

Does youtube (music) provide a good distraction for you?

[LJpd81]

So sorry for the late reply. Yesterday I felt so tired and awful from drinking, that I couldn't deal.

Today I had my psychologist and doctor’s appointment. My psychologist is great. She has allowed me to come in,due to the fact of no privacy for telehealth at home. She thinks I will probably need 10 sessions. Next week is session 5. I think they're helping me. But I am still feeling sad, fast anxious. I am being very honest and telling her everything. Also I never gave my doctor the letter, as it was a phone call appointment. I did tell her I had dark thoughts. And she just told me to go hospital, if I think certain thoughts. Which I'm not.

I came home this afternoon and I feel emotionally drained. I bought wine. Super bad as I do that when I get bad emotions. I start at 7am tomorrow. Will probably regret it.

I told my mum and family, only that I was sad and anxious and seeing a psychologist. Nothing about cardiologist appointment or self harm. Which I did s/h today for the first time since Wednesday. I do feel guilty for not telling mum everything. But she has already said she's worried about me and mum and dad have alot going on. I don't want to add to their worries.

Certain music actually reminds me of music. So you tube is something I do when I drink. I think it's a distraction.

[Sophie_M]

Hi LJpd81,
 
Thank you for keeping us updated as to how things are going with your psychologist. Your contributions and engagement with the community are appreciated and welcomed. We are sorry to hear that things are still quite difficult despite the help you are receiving from your psychologist.
 
When you say that you have been honest with them and have told them everything, have you been able to tell them specifically about your S/H? Have they been able to create a safety plan with you if you do have the thoughts again?
 
If you feel like you may act upon your thoughts, would you consider calling Lifeline on 13 11 14 to discuss how you feel and strategies on how to keep yourself safe?
 
If you feel like you may harm yourself, this would be an emergency and you should call 000.
 
 We hope things improve shortly and we hope you keep the community updated as to how things go.

[LJpd81]

Thanks so much. Yes she has given me distraction methods. Not a safety plan.

I definitely wouldn't do anything further than S/H.

I don't know if I'm still adjusting to my medication, but my head does feel funny. Not today though. I feel different emotions. I'm happier when I drink. Or sad as well too. When I don't, I feel neutral or sad.

[LJpd81]

Update: So much has happened in the last few days. I feel mentally drained.

Yesterday I went to my doctor's and it was a phone call appointment. I handed the receptionist a letter, which she straight away gave to my doctor. It basically said lots of sad, anxious, overwhelming thoughts, and very dark thoughts.

So I had to get a blood test and another stool test. I walked out of the doctor’s surgery and my phone rung. It was my doctor. She wanted to see me straight away. I walked in and she had read the letter and had called an ambulance so I could be checked out by the mental health department at the hospital. Due to my letter and my depressing, dark thoughts. I said I don't need to go,I'm seeing a psychologist. She insisted. I understand she had a duty of care though. So I had to wait for the ambulance. They came and got me and we walked out to the ambulance. They were very kind. I was so scared and anxious. So afraid of the unknown. Plus omg,everyone looking at me in the doctor's surgery plus shopping centre.

I got there. Waited a bit, then saw the same psychiatrist I saw last week. He was kind also. We had a chat and it was decided that he would call my husband and tell him about the self harm. This was done, when I was out of the room.

When I got home, chatted to my husband and apparently he had known about self harm and how, because my best friend, messaged and called him a few weeks ago. I feel so betrayed. I share everything with her. Now I can't with my mental health as she will tell my husband. I understand, she felt she was doing the right thing and worried for me, and she can't come see me due to lockdown. So she told my husband. I still feel betrayed. I told her about s/h in confidence. She worried I wasn't safe. But I wouldn't have done anything.

[LJpd81]

When I got home and my husband and I talked. He cried. My best friend cried too. I feel so bad. My husband cried in my arms and I couldn’t even cry. What's wrong with me.
Today I saw my doctor for a follow up. Gp that is. She was really worried about me and not only gave me another week off work, but gave me a referral for a psychiatrist. I understand that. I feel like it's so m daunting and making me anxious.
Today I have felt so emotionally drained, exhausted, sad, anxious, numb. I can't even cry.
I made an extra appointment with my psychologist Monday. I've been honest with her with everything. I also told my family about the fact that I have a psychiatrist referral. I feel so bad to worry them! They have been good. But asking if I'm ok, do I need anything. They do not know however, about S/H or cardiologist appointment. One step at a time. My husband says if I s/h again, he will tell my family. That terrifies me. I did today before the doctor’s naturally. Have felt overwhelmed and sad. Don't want to deal.
Thanks for listening, if you read this novel.

[bowiebb]

Hi LJ ,

please know you arent alone!! I cant cry on my medication either theres nothing wrong with you i promise hun. your story is really touching and has helped me reach out. you are an amazing person keep fighting because you got this. keep talking and working on this because sh is cruel and is difficult to understand for other people but it does get easier i promise. and even though you'll have bad days there will always be good days to come! I truely hope you are alright and know this space is safe and always here for you if you need to vent or get things off your chest xx stay strong

[LJpd81]

Thank you so much. Such kind words. I appreciate it.

I feel I am in a dark place and don't know how to get out.

I ended up telling my boss and another lady I work with about me seeing a psychologist and psychiatrist soon. They were very supportive and told me to look after myself.

I haven't heard yet from the psychiatrist. My doctor marked it as urgent. I am guessing, he will contact me?