What exactly is "crisis"?

[Becca76]

Hi...

This is my first time here. I've been contemplating and searching for forums and online support for a while and thought I would post.

I look at all the supports online.. all the phone numbers.. and I wonder, what is crisis? What constitutes being in crisis? Do I have a right calling those lines when I am having a "bad night"?

This is my dilemma...

I am a self-harmer... I am not ashamed, it is a coping mechanism and, though I have controlled it, when I am at my worst and having a "bad day" my mind searches for something to self-harm with. Am I in crisis at this point? Should I be calling someone?

I know if I physically talk to someone I will bawl my eyes out, and control is something I pride myself on (or what eventually breaks at that point).

I have a counsellor but her time is sparse so there are 6-8 week gaps in our sessions.

I just don't feel I have a right to call... I don't know.

[Sophie_M]

Hey Becca76,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forum. We think you raise a very interesting question that we're sure a lot of people have been confused by. We think that if you are at risk of suicide or self-harm this would be considered in crisis and warrants receiving support. We understand it can be emotionally draining to discuss such thoughts of self-harm, particularly, when you're feeling most vulnerable. Although, it causes you to feel overwhelmed, do you find it helps to talk to someone? We understand it can sometimes be cathartic to open up and let ourselves be emotional. 

We're sorry to hear how long you have to wait between your counseling sessions. We would strongly urge that you get in touch with our Support Service. We’re available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. One of our professional mental health counselors at our Support Service will give you support and point you in the right direction for help in your area. In overwhelming moments you can also get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

We look forward to having you around on the forum and please keep us updated on how you're feeling.

 

[jumpyjellyfish-]

Hey Becca, welcome to the forums 🙂 good on you for reaching out

You said you don't feel you have the right to call, I get the sense it's as though you think that you have to be in immediate danger or a constituted 'crisis' to call...

If you find yourself struggling with controlling your self harm urges or are having a bad day and mentally searching for ways to harm yourself as you said, there is no shame in reaching out. The counsellors on the other end of the line are not going to tell you to go away, quite the opposite. They all choose to work the shifts they do, and will listen to you to offer support. From contacting lifeline a few times dealing with suicidal ideation, I found that they really listened and didn't rush me at all, even though I was level headed enough not to put myself in danger and wasn't in crisis. That being said, if it does get to that point with self harm or you have a strong desire to hurt yourself, it's really important to reach call 000 if required.

I know it can be hard to believe that you have the right to support when you have the mentality that 'there are other people out there who have it worse'. I understand that, often I share that mindset. But you have to think about it as that even though you might think others are more deserving than you of support because what they are dealing with is 'worse', doesn't change that you are both going through tough times and deserve support, and I really mean that when I say it. 💕

A crisis hotline is suitable for when people are struggling and really feeling the tough times, and provides support for those in immediate danger. I would say serious thoughts of self harm are pretty troubling, hey? I can't just tell you to validate yourself because that's not something anyone can do for you and it takes time to learn to believe and know you deserve support, but I can tell you that from an outward perspective I can see you've been struggling and you are deserving of getting the help you need.

Keep reaching out here when you need, take care xx

[Becca76]

Well.. you hit the nail right on the head there...

I do feel like I don't deserve to take up someone's time. I know I'm not going to die from my self-harm, and I have always been one to take care of things myself so what right do I have to take the time off someone who really needs it...

Then I wonder if I am making too big a deal of it, I should just suck it up and be stronger.

I appreciate your responses...

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi there

That's very selfless of you to think of others, but you're important too! And you don't have to be strong all the time either, there's strength in being vulnerable too. When I went through a period of struggle once, my GP told me it's important to let your tears flow. I don't know how the body works, but we hold in our words and our tears, when really they just want to be set free.

I hear you about the time between specialist appointments too - same here! Sometimes you need something in between. When I need to - I call the helplines, I write here on the forums, or I journal. Everyone in this world is important, and we all deserve to take up space. Katy

[Becca76]

Hi Katy

Story of my life, I always think of others before myself. Still doing that, though not to the same extent.

I have a massage once a week to release the tension in my neck and shoulders cause that is where I hold my stress, two days later it is back. I can't not be strong. I know that if I let my guide down I will no longer be functioning, self harm would go through the roof, and I can't afford that... So I have to stay strong...

Small moments of tears happen, but I can't stay there long, I worry what will happen, will I ever get myself back... too many years of holding on and keeping myself going, not letting anyone see and dealing with it myself..

Everything is (appears) fine until the mind is tired or exhausted (as it is now) and the mood swings like a pendulum..

I see the point and the benefit... but I'm scared to let go....

[Guest_4643]

Hi Becca76, welcome.

Good question, I wondered this a while ago myself. A crisis is when you're feeling very suicidal, and you feel like acting on your thoughts, and if you attempt, this would be an emergency so you would call 000. Or if you're just feeling suicidal, reach out to the helplines such as Lifeline. That will be one of the questions when you speak to Lifeline.

I'm sorry to hear about your SH, that would class as a crisis. You're more than welcome to speak to a counsellor, you have every right to.

In terms of the counsellor, maybe you could try searching for another one because that wait is way too long. It's ridiculous finding mental health care in Australia, even worse with COVID.

Thinking of you.

[Becca76]

I'm never suicidal... but the SH is strong at times...

Unfortunately the counsellors in my area are no longer taking on anyone new, they are all full thanks to covid. I think I got in cause I went through work..

It's not ideal, but it's what I can get.

Maybe I should call when I am in that state... I do get a lot out of talking about it.. I usually do with myself, and with someone when it is too big for me... still don't feel like I have a right when there is no threat to my life...

[Guest9337]

G'day Becca, thanks for sharing your journey.

Yes you have the right to call when you're in that state. You also have the right to call somewhat before you reach that state - so that you don't have to suffer SH or feel the creeping intensity of nearly SH.

I find being proactive with mental health works. I built a team, a psychiatrist, my wife, a GP and a mental health nurse who visited home at times. My wife put several support phone numbers on the fridge. We worked together to keep me away from my mental health issues.

Your massager could make a good first person in your wellness team! Who could be second?

From the short bit of research I've done, even thinking about self harming oneself is cause enough to call many helplines in Australia. 131114 (lifeline.org.au) could work - give them a call and find out if they can meet your needs.

You are worthy of support.