Tired and overwhelmed

Depressionisation · ‎05-03-2021

I've been suffering on and off with depression for more than 20 years. It's exhausting. I've been on all types of medications and tried everything from, spa baths, meditation and yoga, but I can't get out of this feeling of hopelessness, anxiety, helplessness and uselessness. I don't pity those that have passed on. They are in peace and in a strange way I envy them. It's all about your thoughts and beliefs around death. None of knows, but I have a very strong belief that it's just like sleeping or pre-birth. My Dad used to call it the big sleep. What do you remember before you were born or even before the age of about 4. NOTHING. That's death to me, nothing. No money, no pain, no responsibility, no heartache. Pure peace. The pain and sadness is only inflicted on those still alive. That's the only thing keeping here, in this crazy world of disasters and misery. Life is suffering and I'm really sick of suffering every day. Sleep is my best friend. I can't get enough. To wake, is to suffer all over again for another day.

Sophie_M · ‎05-03-2021

Hey Depressionisation, welcome to the Beyond Blue forums.

We're so sorry to hear about your struggle with depression over 20 years. We can hear that you have tried many different methods of self-care and treatment with little improvement. We can imagine this would be very disheartening. We can also hear that there are people in your life you care for and feel are worth living for. Would you tell us more about these people? We'd also like to hear more about your experiences of depression and why you feel useless and helpless if you are comfortable in saying so. We want you to know we're here to provide you with as much support, advice and conversation as you need. If you feel that it would be beneficial to you to talk through your feelings and experiences with a counsellor, please, contact the Beyond Blue Support Service anytime on 1300 22 4636 or get in touch with us on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport
One of the friendly counsellors can offer you some support but also provide you with advice and referrals for seeing a counsellor in a more ongoing way. We hope you know that there is always help available to you, whether it's from our professional mental health counsellors Beyond Blue or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

Please check in and let us know how you are whenever you feel up to it.

Guest_206 · ‎05-03-2021

Dear Depressionisation,
I hear what you mean about being exhausted and sleep being your best friend. I've also had depression for over 20 years and the best part of my day is when I get to go to sleep.

empty cup · ‎05-03-2021

hello depressionisation

Hope you don't mind ne responding.

I read you post and can really relate what you wrote. what you did write, is what I think about most days.Everything you said is true about depression and anxiety. Im no expert but I too am suffering the same issue as yourself; I joined B/Blue thinking I was the only one going thru this and yet I found lots of people with similar circumstances.

Ive worked so hard in my life so far that I ended up in hospital for 2 weeks and came out with depression and anxiety with no friends and no one who understands how depression makes you feel.

Don't give up, as the best way to cope is to just talk to people who will listen as they will get you thru the hard days.

Anyhow you could also watch a really crappy movie with a glass of wine; that always helps.

If you get bored and want to chat , just post a reply anytime and remember you not alone.

take care

empty cup.

Unbeliever · ‎07-03-2021

I've talked to a LOT of people about this subject over the last 30 years.

... and what I have found is that the more you talk to them it becomes obvious that most of the time, people do not actually want to die. What they want is the pain to STOP.

They have come to the conclusion that death is just the most direct method of achieving that. But specifically it is not what they want. All they really want is the pain they carry with them everywhere to end.

Logically if this is the case, then rationally the only reason they would get to such an absolute is because they have reached the conclusion that there is no other way that this pain will ever stop. Out of the virtually unlimited things that could possibly happen in this massively multi-faceted universe that we inhabit... they "know" that none of those will possibly remove their pain except one... to leave this life.

Now, obviously this can't possibly be true. Firstly because the human brain simply does not have the storage space to have knowledge of "all the possible variables". Neither is anyone capable of predicting the future with any significant accuracy. Nor is there ever going to be "only 1 single way to achieve an outcome". The universe simply does not work like that.

Individuals are capable of extreme intelligence. But no-one in the history of the human race has ever been THAT smart. There are always limits of comprehension, variables you can't possibly account for, outcomes you will never see coming.

So here is the thing. I can 100% guarantee that there exist multiple variables that would result in your pain ending that don't require you to die. The only reason that I know this is because it is literally impossible for there not to be...

I'm not saying this to "comfort" you, or to shine you on, or pour honey in your ear... I am definitely not "that" guy. Which is why I can't guarantee that you will ever find any of them. Only that they definitely exist.

But, aren't you mildly curious about what they could possibly be? Doesn't knowing that they are out there somewhere hidden just out of your sight mean that hunting them down might be worthwhile? Aren't those variables potentially far more interesting than just boringly embracing the black which is going to happen one day anyway whether you want it or not... and therefore really there is no need to hurry or rush to get to?

Plenty of time for that later. For those variables though? Time is much more limited.

Just food for thought...